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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27563584">The Cerebral Palsy Journals: Memories Of You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wolfietheartisticsoul99/pseuds/Wolfietheartisticsoul99'>Wolfietheartisticsoul99</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Call Me By Your Name - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Fluff and Smut, Blood and Injury, Cerebral Palsy, Drinking &amp; Talking, Eventual Happy Ending, Falling In Love, Family Drama, Fluff, Fun, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Memory Loss, Mental Health Issues, Mentions of Emotional Abuse, Misunderstandings, Recreational Drug Use, Romance, Self-Esteem Issues, Slow Burn, Verbal Abuse, lifewithcerebralpalsy, mild to severe cerebral palsy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 19:46:55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>72,114</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27563584</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wolfietheartisticsoul99/pseuds/Wolfietheartisticsoul99</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Armie Hammer is a 29 year old graphic novel artist who only wants to get away and To take a break from all of the stress of his devorce, with no muse for his creativity. He decides to leave LA for the summer, to go to his family’s summer cabin in Concan Texas. A place known for its beautiful scenery, the cactus, the frio river, the parties and the friendly locals. The place is an absolute god send to Armie and his restless mind.</p>
<p>one night while Armie is relaxing at home at the cabin, he hears a loud commotion outside and goes to investigate, he witnesses what seems to be an argument between a group of very drunk and reckless people when Armie goes to break up the argument, or so he thinks by running towards the truck, the group get spooked and take off quickly and one of the men fall out of the back of the vehicle onto the road right in front of him, dressed in nothing but his swim trunks.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Timothée Chalamet/Armie Hammer</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>53</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>48</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. The Artist and The Muse</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Welcome my new work in progress everyone! this is my first time doing something like this and I am very excited about this story. I was inspired to write this story after reading Peachgrove's "The Epilepsy Diaries" about my own disability with Cerebral Palsy. </p>
<p>Disclaimer: This story is completely fiction none of this is real except for the subject that is going to be present throughout this story. I would like to point out that I do not know Armie Hammer or Timothee Chalamet personally! therefore, I am not a doctor and respect their right to privacy when it comes to their own lives. I am just a humble fan that looks up to them and wanted to try my hand at writing them. who wishes them nothing but happiness and no ill will whatsoever! </p>
<p> </p>
<p>*Trigger Warning*  This fanfiction will be dealing with the subject of Cerebral Palsy from the mild to the more severe case. this is where the fic gets real life, I do have this disability and wanted to write this about this subject to not only educate those who may not have this disability but to help people better understand what some of us go through with it. so any experiences provided that happens within this fic that is mentioned is fact and really did happen to me personally. which will be mentioned in the author notes at the end of each chapter to explain. I will also provide those that are false so you guys don't freak out lol  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>okay, now that we got the trigger warning out of the way let me say one more thing, to clear the air and then I  will shut up. I do not want sympathy in anyway that is not why i wrote this fic. I am personally fine.  Also any ocs belong to me, as for Armie and Timmy the boys belong to themselves or... if you wanna go there each other. =3 </p>
<p>anyway I hope this story educates you and you enjoy it! much love and thanks!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p>
  <i>Summary: They say that behind every great artist of our time, there is a muse to help them along with their creative genius that brings out the best in them. That they bring about inspiration at the snap of a finger, the light bulb moment in the cartoons. Then a masterpiece comes to life through muse and into the artist’s very soul. My muse used to be making movies and acting used to be my passion. It was all I ever wanted to do growing up, it is all I ever saw myself doing, that I saw nothing else in the cards for me. Until I divorced my wife of 10 years Rebecca Lynn Hammer she was partly the cause of me no longer being an actor. </i>
</p><p>
  <b>Chapter 1: The Artist and The Muse</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <i>Armie</i>
</p><p> </p><p>They say that behind every great artist of our time, there is a muse to help them along with their creative genius that brings out the best in them. That they bring about inspiration at the snap of a finger, the light bulb moment in the cartoons. Then a masterpiece comes to life through muse and into the artist’s very soul. </p><p> </p><p>My muse used to be making movies and acting used to be my passion. It was all I ever wanted to do growing up, it is all I ever saw myself doing, that I saw nothing else in the cards for me. Until I divorced my wife of 11 years Rebecca Lynn Hammer, she was partly the cause of me no longer being an actor.  </p><p> </p><p>The downfall of my career as an actor started with a social media post that Rebecca had posted on Twitter. </p><p> </p><p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>Okay in my defense, I wasn’t completely drunk. I was slightly tipsy and was having a good night with the cast and crew from my latest movie “Rebecca” ironically enough. </p><p> </p><p>We all decided to go out for drinks once we finished wrapping the movie and were back home in LA. We had gone to a local bar that most of us had frequented on occasion, just to hang out and have a good time swapping stories about projects that we had already done and just you know, shot the shit for a while. </p><p> </p><p>It was when I got home that Rebecca and I had a huge fight over me being gone all the time, and her even accusing me of cheating on her with a few of my costars. This, and a whole slew of issues started popping up that at the time didn’t even seem relevant to me and all the while our 3 children Harper, Ford, and Angel were upstairs in their beds asleep. </p><p> </p><p>“Rebecca, what are we even doing!” </p><p> </p><p>I say with an exasperated sigh, rubbing my face with my hands, and dragging them through my dark hair, making a mess of it as she stands there with her hands on her hips. Her mouth turned into a scowl, her lovely brown eyes a beacon of murderous rage. </p><p> </p><p>“Are you even trying to make this marriage work, Armie? Are you?!” she says with a slight defeat inflection in her voice, her eyes narrowing. </p><p> </p><p>“What are you even talking about?! I have gone to every single counselling session with you, I have never in my life cheated on you at all. Yet, you just decide to believe the tabloids and their fake bullshit about me!  Me! Your husband the one that has done anything and everything for you and those children. Hell I flew across the country when I was doing Hotel Mumbai nearly missing Angel’s birth by a fraction of a second…. I can’t do this anymore Rebecca I can’t. No matter what I say, you aren’t going to listen to me anyway so why don’t we just end this tour game now.”</p><p> </p><p>“Excuse me?...” </p><p> </p><p>“I want a divorce Rebecca. I love you and we tried to make this work but, I just… I can’t do this anymore. I’m sorry but I can’t keep being accused of something that I didn’t do. There is no trust in this relationship any more and without that... I don’t know what else to do. You get upset when I go off to work so what did I do I asked the guys if you could be on set for a few of my movies. I did that for you and the children so we wouldn't have to get a babysitter for them. Everything that i've busted my ass for was either for you or the kids, and now all of the sudden you want to accuse me of cheating?! please." </p><p> </p><p>"Oh okay well what about all those photos that the paparazzi take of you with other girls! hm? what about those Armie! are you going to tell me that those are fake as well? and what is with the flirting with your co-stars during inter-"</p><p> </p><p>"JESUS Rebecca! those are fake! the photos are made to look like something is going on when there isn't and to push false narratives! honey those are for shams and rumors. That is their job to start gossip that stupid people feed into and that the fans feed into to get a rise out of them as for the "flirting with co-stars" as you so put it, I am being nice, friendly creating a connection with these people to make our movies go more smoothly. Do you honestly want to work with a grumpy jackass who is a diva on the set all the damn time? cuz... I sure as hell don't!" </p><p> </p><p>She continues to glare at me and accuse me of things because of her jealousy, this is why people like me who are famous should not date a fan. That was my first mistake I was young in my twenties and was getting the taste of fame and fortune. I should have known better, should have handled it better when I was in my beginnings of it. I was so passionate about my craft and wanting to do good, work hard and get myself out that I guess... I lost sight of all the bad juju that surrounds young actors and being sucked into the crazy shit. </p><p> </p><p>"Are we going to try to work this out or are you just done? that's it?" her voice was starting to crack, and so was my resolve I had been patient, caring and understanding to her needs and wants this entire relationship. it was suppose to be about equals and mutual respect but in the end all it was jealousy on her end of it constant ridicule and her inability to trust anything that I did. Even when I showed her everyday how much she meant to me and how much I was in love with her. It just wasn't enough, it never is love is never enough in a relationship and this was the proof. </p><p> </p><p>"I'm sorry." is all I can say at this point, all of my words exhausted just as much as my body was begging for my bed.</p><p> </p><p>That night I had pulled out an envelope from my bag and tossed it on the kitchen table next to where she was standing, then I headed straight for bed and didn’t even say another word to her that night, until the next morning when I found all of my things thrown out onto the front lawn and a note that read, </p><p> </p><p>
  <b> Since you seem so determined to break up this family, you can live somewhere else!<br/>
Ps. we will discuss the details later about everything and the children too!</b>
</p><p> </p><p>From there we went through the whole messy divorce thing, meeting with our lawyers, discussing the stipulations of what was to happen, who was going to get what, scheduling meetings with the kids, when I was going to see them. All of the legal mumbo jumbo that always happens with these things. Once it was all settled, that was when  she spread more rumors about me on every social media platform she could find and had for herself. The endless stress of trying to make movies, split my time with my kids and still find time for myself among the chaos of paparazzi trying to snap photos of all of us any time I went somewhere, with someone. </p><p> </p><p>Rebecca agreed to let me see the children every other weekend and during the holidays. But when I wasn’t with them, It was always some scandalous something or rather, it was always I was dating someone who was only just a good friend of mine, or I was banging all of Los Angeles and making my way around. These people were never truly satisfied with the theories, the gossip, the rumors and what have you. Point being it was always something. Then there was the constant photos that Rebecca would post of the children and her together with a different man every time, in a different setting and most times I would go ballistic either from missing them, or from Rebecca being stupid and taking the children some place where they didn’t belong, and doing stupid shit while calling me a bad father behind my back! </p><p> </p><p>Thankfully though I had my fans to back me up and defend me even in some moments when I didn’t really need it. Sometimes, against my managers wishes I would peek at the comments on social media and read some of them. When I wasn’t shooting a scene  or if there was a scene that didn’t involve me I would sit back and read through my comment section and boy let me tell you… when I say I have loyal fans I mean I have people who will fight tooth and nail. </p><p> </p><p>
  <i>“You leave Armie alone and your delusional comment anon can go where it belongs in the trash! This man is a good person and has a big heart. He loves those kids and there is no way that he would even have the time to cheat on someone!” </i>
</p><p> </p><p>One of them read.</p><p> </p><p>
  <i> “Team Armie forever!” </i>
</p><p> </p><p>Read another and so on and so on the war for my reputation happened and then one day I finally decided enough was enough and that is how I ended up quitting acting all together. </p><p> </p><p>****</p><p>
  <b>~Marco’s Italian Restaurant: 11:00am~</b>
</p><p> </p><p>“Earth to Armie… hello?”  A female voice says to my left side and my head snaps up mid drift as my thoughts of what happened between me and Rebecca disappear. So does my attention on my phone and scrolling through more comments.</p><p> </p><p>“Huh? Did you say something Olivia?”  she looks at me with a concerned look on her face, then shakes her head, leaning back in her seat. </p><p> </p><p>“Why do you read that crap Armie? You know that is not good for your mental health and I thought we had agreed to spend time together….”</p><p> </p><p>“We did, I mean we are, aren't we? You were the one that decided to have lunch at Marco’s remember?” </p><p> </p><p>I look at my sister puzzled for a second and she gives a soft light hearted chuckle as she leans forward across the table towards me. </p><p> </p><p>“I mean…” she reaches across the table and touches my phone with her finger tips grabbing it from the top and yanking it away from me.  </p><p> </p><p>“Hey!”</p><p> </p><p>….without our phones.”  she finishes turning my phone around to see what I was looking at. </p><p> </p><p>It was a picture that Rebecca took of my kids while they were at the beach along with some stranger I didn’t even know. His arms wrapped around Harper’s small shoulder, while Ford was in this man’s arms, sitting on his right forearm, his little face scrunched as the light from the sun was in his eyes, his left arm trying to block the rays. Angel wasn’t in the picture so I assumed she was off playing somewhere. </p><p> </p><p>“You know she is trying to get a rise out of you with these pictures don’t you?”  I watch Olivia put my phone down on the table and look at the menu in front of her.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes. Olivia, I know what she is trying to do. That doesn’t mean that I am going to give into her methods of trying to get my attention or give her a reaction. I am not an actor anymore, which means that her relevance won’t last very long since my fame is what got her attention for her craft store to begin with. The only thing that does upset me is the fact that-” </p><p> </p><p>I hear my stomach growl and begin to look at the Italian selections written in the fancy cursive font. I hadn’t eaten breakfast that morning, since Olivia called me to hangout. I stop speaking after that and my eyes stay on the menu as an awkward silence spreads between us. </p><p> </p><p>Olivia Jordan Willows. My younger sister, my best friend, my confidant and also sometimes a pain in my ass as all siblings tend to be to their older counterparts. Is a 23 year old graduate student of Harvard University, studying to become the next lawyer of the Hammer clan. She is 5’5 with  long brown hair, brown eyes, a petite nose, rosy lips, a round face with the body of an athlete, loves 80s rock music, loves to read erotic romance novels from Walmart and has an undying love for my children, as well as for me. She is very overprotective and I love that about her some days other days… not so much.</p><p> </p><p>Since all of this drama has been going on my sister has been my rock through all of this. From the divorce to all of the media crap, to being a social media soldier of my comment section, clearing out all of the trolls and Rebecca’s followers who make it a habit of attacking me and spamming my phone to the point of me having to delete my twitter. She has been my hero ever since. </p><p> </p><p>When the waitress comes to take our order, she takes Olivia’s order first writing it down on her notepad before she turns to me. </p><p> </p><p>“And what can I get for….” </p><p> </p><p>She trails off and I can feel her staring at me, for a lengthy amount of time causing me to look up and she bites her lip to keep from squealing. At this moment, I put on my best smile and try to forget my problems for the time being as she asks me what they all ask me. “Are you really Armie Hammer?”, “Can I have your autograph?”,  or they make comments like, “I loved you in Call Me By Your Name” and then they make some comment about the drama going on between me and Rebecca. </p><p> </p><p>“I’ll just have the spaghetti please with bread sticks, can I also have a bowl of oil and two large glasses of water. Thanks!” </p><p> </p><p>I keep my voice polite and I nod when the waitress who I found out whose name is Natalee asks me for a picture.</p><p> </p><p>Her face is absolutely giddy as she replies “Thank you!” and quickly goes to get our drinks, I watch her go and my sister rolls her eyes folding her hands together on the table. </p><p> </p><p>“What?!”  She was looking at me with a smirk and shaking her head.</p><p> </p><p>“Not even an actor anymore and people are still trying to throw themselves at you. Which I think is hilarious but I wish people would mind their own business. Just because you were a celebrity doesn’t mean that you aren’t entitled to some kind of privacy Armie.”</p><p> </p><p>The conversation goes quiet after Olivia sees that the waitress is on her way back with our food and our drinks, on a tray sitting it down and deposits everything in front of them, before leaving hastily. No doubt blushing again from me just looking at her and saying, “Thank you.” </p><p> </p><p>
  <i>‘Why do people have to be so embarrassed around me? I mean, I am a person too with a normal well… somewhat of a glamorous but seemingly normal life. But I am just like everyone else who isn’t in the movie business.’ </i>
</p><p> </p><p>“See that is what I am talking about right there.” </p><p> </p><p>“Liv she is just a fan that is an admirer. I can tell the difference between the crazy stalkers and the ones who just genuinely appreciated me for my talent as an actor and not just for my looks. I am grateful for my fans and the things that they create through their passion for the movies I made.” </p><p> </p><p>With that, I dig into my spaghetti and my sister just scoffs at me laughing softly biting into her own food. </p><p> </p><p>“You know what we should do?” </p><p> </p><p>“What?” </p><p> </p><p>“We should go on a road trip up to the cabin and stay maybe a week or two, hell maybe even six weeks. Get you away from all this drama, the stress of everything going on and just sit up at the cabin, have a few beers, float the river, blast some music, sit in the hot tub. Come on bro, what do you say?”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know Olivia.” </p><p> </p><p>“Please Armie, it will do you a lot of good. It will help your stress and your overall emotional and mental health, not to mention you will be getting to spend time with me! Not only for those reasons but if you are going to be a graphic novel artist then you are going to need inspiration and being here in LA filled with distractions isn’t going to help your creative juices big brother.”</p><p> </p><p>After I had decided to quit the movie business I decided to get into graphic novels. More specifically drawing them, art had always been a hobby of mine as a child growing up. I would spend hours in my room on my bed listening to music and letting my mind go to places away from the city. Then my hand would draw anything creatures, trees, fields of course I was six years old at the time so the pictures looked like shit, but I didn’t care I was happy. </p><p> </p><p>When I got into school in Chicago(where we lived during my childhood) I would often get in trouble for making doodles in my school books, often drawing in the margins, making goofy faces, little designs nothing too fancy and the teacher would bang their hand right on my desk as I was lost in the flow of creation and then, I would jump at the sound. </p><p> </p><p>
  <i> “Mr. Hammer! These books of school property I will have none of this vandalism, this is not art class go to the office this instant and explain yourself to the principal. Go on now, off with you. Your parents will definitely hear about this!” </i>
</p><p> </p><p>Then I would have to sit outside the principal’s office in a chair with the secretary staring at me with a soft sympathetic look in her brown eyes. “Caught again, Armie? What did you draw today? A monster? Putting the teacher in a wedgie?” She would often ask me and I would get up from my chair with a look of pride on my face despite the situation, walking straight up to her desk and showing her my drawings.</p><p> </p><p>
  <i> “These are pretty good Armie, you are a real talent and if you keep it up, I am positive that one day, you are going to be famous and people from miles around are going to want to see those drawings. Then I will get to say, “Yeah, I knew Armie from when he was just a boy and he was in my office everyday because of those drawings.” </i>
</p><p> </p><p>I got my ass whooped that day but my self esteem grew a little bit that day because of Mrs. Maker and from there my passion for drawing grew. I continued to draw throughout my high school career and then I ended up switching things up, when I decided to put my pencil down, and really wanted to try acting. </p><p> </p><p>It looked like fun and I had always loved to play pretend with my sister growing up and we would always have fun being different people. From cowboys, to power rangers, ninja turtles you name it we pretended we were them for hours even when our parents would chastise us for our “silly games” and to “grow up and to stop being an embarrassment!”  but that never stopped us as children but at some point my sister gave in and stopped playing with me, she became this person that I didn’t know in my teenage years and my relationship with her faltered a little as I became an adult. That is until all of this drama going on that doesn’t seem to end.<br/>
Now mine and Olivia’s relationship was slowly coming back together as it was before our parents got into her head. </p><p> </p><p>See Olivia and I grew up in Chicago and come from a background of a conservative family whose values were heavily instilled in us from a young age. From religion to politics and everything in between was set in stone according to my parents and anything outside of the plan that they had set for us was not acceptable or by their standards “childish” and “unproductive” so when I told them that I was going to be an actor, they laughed at me. They tried to ring me in by gas-lighting me, telling me that I wouldn’t get anywhere with a career like that and I would struggle the rest of my life. </p><p> </p><p>
  <i>“How are you going to support yourself Armand with your health issues? Who do you think is going to take care of you if something happens to you?” my mother spits out in that aristocratic tone, that made her sound snobby and made me roll my eyes.</i>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <i>‘Oh here we go again, yes mother use the “way you were born” card again as you do for every argument.’ </i>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The way I was born is the trigger that my mother uses to get me to cave most times when it comes to our arguments. </p><p> </p><p>See, I was born premature and had seizures when I was in my mother’s stomach so every time, she thought it was me being active and kicking, I was actually seizing in the womb. So I was born with a mild case of cerebral palsy. The doctors said that I wouldn’t be able to walk, talk, let alone live but I proved them wrong real quick. </p><p> </p><p>So what exactly is cerebral palsy? Well, it is initially brain damage that occurs either during birth, at birth, or before birth. It is incurable and can go from mild to severe depending on the person, and the type of cerebral palsy a person has.  </p><p> </p><p>I have what is known as spastic cerebral palsy, scp or if you wanna get technical with it spastic diplegia/diparesis it is the most common type and people with this type of palsy have increased muscle tone. Which means the muscles are stiff and as a result the person can have awkward movements usually described by what body part is affected. </p><p> </p><p>It is mainly the legs where the arms are either less affected or not affected at all. However, people with this type may have difficulty walking due to tight hips, and leg muscles cause their legs to pull together, turn inward and cross at the knees. </p><p> </p><p>This means that as a baby I was muscle bound from birth and sitting up as an infant instead of hunching over with my chin in between my moms index and thumb as she was trying to burp me. When I was picked up by anyone my arms would be bent back, like a goal post, my hands into tiny fists and my little toes would curl. </p><p> </p><p>When I walked my feet would turn inwards and I had to go to countless amounts of physical therapy where my mother would have to straighten my toes, my fingers and hunch me over with me sitting in her lap, to help my arms bend. Turning into a rolly polly is what father called it every time he would witness such an event. </p><p> </p><p>Thankfully though I am able to walk because of my mother and father but my legs muscles will always be tight, and I have to constantly stretch before I do anything, as well as learning disabilities so it takes me longer to grasp things.  When Olivia came along and learned of my disability she makes sure that I stretch and is constantly alert when I hurt. But she never hovers like mom did. </p><p> </p><p>However, I don’t let my disability stop me from going on crazy adventures and I certainly don’t use it as a crutch to get what I want either. I worked hard to get to where I am now and I know that it is only going to get better from here. </p><p> </p><p>“So are you in? Are you going to Concan with me?”  Olivia looks at me with hopeful eyes again.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m in!”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Enchalamet Candles and Scents</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Timmy where are the midnight breeze candles? Mrs. Parker is here to pick them up.”  </p><p>“Just a second! I’m putting the finishing touches on them right now!” I yell back from the back room of the candle shop, my eyes focused on trying to put the wick of the candle into place, my hands are shaking as usual which is making this less than ideal as I am sitting on my stool trying my best to keep my balance, my shoes planted on the floor. </p><p>‘You got this all you have to do is just put the wick on it and you're done.’   </p><p>And then it happens my entire right hand jerks causing me to throw the wick across the room, and accidently knock the candle to the floor and I hear a loud snap. Inwardly I groan and then I hear the familiar footsteps of Mindy’s boots hitting against the hardwood flooring of the shop. </p><p> </p><p>I curse myself for yet again breaking another candle for the fifth time today as Mindy, my adopted sister comes into the room and stands against the doorway, looking at me.  </p><p>“Timmy I need tho- oh no Timmy not again! That wax took mom weeks to find and now we are going to have to go out and find more. Way to go genus.”</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The title of this story comes from this I idea I got with wanting to use the word enchantment and Timmy's last name a sort of play on words thing I guess... xD</p><p> </p><p>This is the introduction to Timmy and his background as always enjoy! ^~^ also I hope you don't mind me using music lyrics in the story. </p><p>The lyrics come from the song "day n night" by kid cudi I do not own these lyrics.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>Timothee</p><p> </p><p>“Timmy where are the midnight breeze candles? Mrs. Parker is here to pick them up.”  </p><p> </p><p>“Just a second! I’m putting the finishing touches on them right now!” </p><p> </p><p>I yell back from the back room of the candle shop, my eyes focused on trying to put the wick of the candle into place, my hands are shaking as usual which is making this less than ideal as I am sitting on my stool trying my best to keep my balance, my shoes planted on the floor. </p><p> </p><p>‘You got this all you have to do is just put the wick on it and you're done.’   </p><p>And then it happens my entire right hand jerks causing me to throw the wick across the room, and accidently knock the candle to the floor and I hear a loud snap. Inwardly I groan and then I hear the familiar footsteps of Mindy’s boots hitting against the hardwood flooring of the shop. </p><p> </p><p>I curse myself for yet again breaking another candle for the fifth time today as Mindy, my adopted sister comes into the room and stands against the doorway, looking at me. </p><p> </p><p>“Timmy I need tho- oh no Timmy not again! That wax took mom weeks to find and now we are going to have to go out and find more. Way to go genus.” </p><p> </p><p>“I can’t help it!” I snap at her as she comes to help me pick up the broken pieces of the candle. “It is not my fault that my hands shake and jerk randomly. I have no control over that and even if I could control it don’t you think that I would!”</p><p> </p><p>I could feel myself becoming emotional as I put each piece of the broken candle into the trashcan and try to pull myself back up onto the stool just as Carol walks to the back room. A look of concern on her face as she looks from Mindy to Me. </p><p> </p><p>“What happened?”  </p><p> </p><p>My eyes fall as I reach up and pull the hood of my black hoodie over my head, and place one of the strings into my mouth clamping it shut, I can feel the tears begin to come and the shame wash over my body like a wave. This is something that always happens when I feel guilty about having an attack and the sad part is I can’t control them. </p><p> </p><p>I sniffle and Carol walks over to me, crouching down in front of me, she places her hands on my thighs and turns the stool slowly, looking up at me with her light brown eyes, her thumbs sweeping gently over my legs.</p><p> </p><p>“Did you have another attack Timothee?” </p><p> </p><p>As if to answer her my hands jerk and I try to blink the tears away, i’m 27 years old I shouldn’t be crying over something as stupid as a candle being broken. But I worked so hard on it to make it look nice and beautiful for the customers that enjoy having pretty designs. </p><p> </p><p>“Timmy threw the candle again mom. That’s the fifth one he’s broke and you now how Mrs. Parker is about her orders. She is very pickie.”<br/>
Carol turns her head to give Mindy a look. "Yes, I know Mindy." She sighs, her hands gently squeeze my leg, then stands up on her feet again and pulls me up slowly off the stool, hugging me again. That’s when I feel it again, the jerking and I hear her chuckle softly as the front of my hoodie touches her stomach. </p><p> </p><p>"It was an accident Carol. I- I won't do it again I promise!" </p><p> </p><p>"Timmy… it's alright really. It is just a candle,we have more than enough wax to make more. You are more important to me than a candle. Come on, let’s take these finished candles to mrs. Parker and you can come with me to make deliveries, what do you think?”</p><p> </p><p>I look down at her and nod, taking one of my hands out of my hoodie to wipe the tears away and I give her a smile. </p><p> </p><p> All I knew was that I have fucked up legs, my hands shake and jerk at random times without warning and I tend to fall down a lot. At first I thought it was because I was just clumsy and misstepped causing me to fall like “normal” people but that wasn’t the case. </p><p> </p><p>Growing up I moved around in the foster care system for years and would often get into fights with the other children, was emotionally and verbally abused by the parents.. So they thought I was “broken” or a drug baby because of my jerky and uncoordinated movements due to my disability. (ages 3- 11)</p><p> </p><p>School was often hard for me. I tried my best at making friends with not much effort on the other kids' part to want to interact with me. The teachers thought I was a constant disruption in class or was misbehaving due to me very often throwing things like pencils, pens. Or accidently knocking things off of my desk in home room class. I  was often sent to the principal's office. So when I would get home from school the foster parents would punish me for “misbehaving” which often led to me being sent to bed without food.  </p><p> </p><p>I was very adventurous and full of life, always trying to do things despite having balancing problems and having no control over my hands, from writing to running outside and playing I always did it with a smile on his face. No matter the pain I felt whether from my disability or just from things going on around him. I remained hopeful and prayed that one day I would be adopted by a loving family who wouldn’t shun me for being different. </p><p> </p><p>As I became older and more aware of just how different I was Timmy would try to hide my  disability from people in order to try to get adopted. I would hide his hands in my hoodie often times close to my chest, claiming that I  was cold even when it was hot outside, if I did jerk I would say, “oh i’m just stretching” or if I stumbled from bumping into things I would play it off as “Oh clumsy me” and laugh it off when deep down it frustrated and hurt me. Dating was also an obstacle for me, when I  would go on dates with girls or boys it would often lead to me having to explain my disability to them, which often lead to me feeling not only embarrassed when an attack would happen but also when someone would obviously point it out in public. I would often get stopped by the cops if I was walking with a date to the movies or just casually walking, which led to me being mistaken for being drunk multiple times a day. Other times people would be overly sympathetic to my disability often talking to me as if I were stupid, or couldn’t understand a thing. Which led to me becoming angry when anyone around me would talk either slowly in a deliberate way or want to make decisions for me. </p><p> </p><p>Overtime I would struggle with depression and have thoughts of suicide here and there but not all the time. I had convinced myself that due to my disability I was “unlovable” and that no one, not even a family would want me.  (age 14-17)</p><p> When I was hauled off to my last foster family the Kirks, and got into a physical altercation with their eldest son that was when I had enough. I take my belongings that night and hop out of my bedroom window and make the long journey across the country often hitch hiking, not without massive struggling and multiple stops along the way. Having the help of whatever kind hearted person would take the time to stop and help me out, with food or even driving me to a hotel to sleep for the night. </p><p> </p><p>I would also try to be hired for odd jobs to get money but it would often lead to me being rejected or fired through multiple accidents. But I never stopped trying until I stumbled upon a town called  Concan, Texas and meets the Chalamet family who took pity on me and decided to give me not only a job but a place to live. During that time the Chalamets learn about my disability and by learning more about it they begin to understand why I walk funny, and why I often shake and jerk. </p><p> </p><p>Ataxic Cerebral Palsy is what Carol said one day when I came to sit next to her on the couch as she was on her laptop doing research about my condition. </p><p> </p><p>“What does that mean?” I was so confused. I have never heard of such a word. </p><p> </p><p>Ataxic Cerebral Palsy is the second type of Cerebral Palsy. Apparently it is when the cerebellum is injured affecting the balance part of the brain. It can affect any part of the body a person's legs, arms, hands, fingers, speech, eye movements and even muscles involved in swallowing.</p><p> </p><p>“People that have this Timmy may have unsteady or shaky movements, or tremors.” Carol explains by taking a hold of my hand when I look down at it with a frown. I listen to her continue on…</p><p> </p><p>“Difficulties maintaining balance and appear very unsteady or shaky because their depth perception and sense of balance are affected.” </p><p> </p><p>I feel my hand jerk and I sigh. “That explains a lot….” I feel my heart gently breaking,<br/>
“We can stop Timmy if you like. I don’t have to read anymore.” she replies sympathetically her eyes filled with sadness, this must have been hard for her to read, just as it was me hearing it. </p><p> </p><p>“No! Um… no please, keep going I’m alright.”  I lick my lips and turn my eyes back to the website staring at it and Carol continues as she releases my hand, to card it gently through my hair. I close my eyes for a moment, leaning into the affectionate touch, slowly getting used to her motherly nature. </p><p> </p><p>It was still hard for me to let someone touch me. after what I have gone through with the other families but Carol and Mark are very patient with me. </p><p> </p><p>“With the arms and hands affected, it may cause a tremor or shakiness due to the over-correction of inaccurate movements - this means that when a person reaches for an object, they overshoot the target. It also results in difficulty performing tasks requiring precise finger movements such as handwriting or using cutlery, or movements that require regular repetition such as clapping.”</p><p> </p><p>She looks at me again probably checking on me again to see if I am still okay. I don’t look at her. I am silently reading ahead of her and read the part where it talks about ataxic affecting the legs. My heart sinks when I read that the person walks with their feet further apart than their hips to make up for the balance issue. Also known as a “Wide base gait”  </p><p> </p><p>My heart stops when I read the next line and remember what happened to me while walking with one of my dates to the movies. </p><p> </p><p>‘This way of walking can sometimes give the mistaken impression that the person is under the influence of alcohol or drugs.’</p><p> </p><p>“Timmy…. Timothee are you coming?”  I blink and I can see that Carol has moved and Mindy is no longer in the back room but up at the font, dealing with the register. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I’m coming.”  I step off the stool and slowly grab the table with my hands and my feet turn inwards and I begin the difficult task of walking to Carol. I make it to the end of the table and I let go holding my arms out, palms down, I take a few steps at a time wobbling, and my eyes widen with fear, I bite my lip and take a gulp of air. </p><p> </p><p>‘You got it, you got it.’ </p><p> </p><p>I straighten and keep going until I am to the doorway and Carol smiles widely, her eyes shining.  “That’s it Timmy! You’re getting better at this, you keep practicing walking by yourself and soon I will be chasing after you.” </p><p> </p><p>I laugh letting her see my smile, “Oh yeah, I’m so sure!.”  I rub the back of my head as she takes my hand in hers again, helping me as we walk to the front door and are heading down the stairs. I’m not quite ready to tackle stairs yet, I feel dizzy around them and get scared that I will fall on my face or trip on them and roll down them. </p><p> </p><p>I know she is just trying to give me confidence and help me build my self esteem. But I am grateful for not only this family but for the simple fact that they care enough to want to help me and to see me succeed.  </p><p> </p><p>Once we are in the car and I am strapped in I watch Carol put the last order of candles into the backseat of her subaru cross trek and then shut the door, before climbing into the driver seat and starting the car. </p><p> </p><p>As we go out of the driveway I play with the radio, turning the knob with a shaky hand, going through the stations. It lands on a rap song and then I sit back, against the seat resting my head on the headrest and begin to tap my foot to the beat of the song. </p><p> </p><p>“Name the song.”  </p><p> </p><p>Name the song is a game that Carol and I have played together ever since she adopted me as a teenager. I love this game because I am not only good at it, but it forces me to focus on the music and not the pain in my body or the movement of my hands. The object of the game is to not just name the song, but the artist as well and we take turns and whoever can guess the most songs right will owe the other ice cream.</p><p> </p><p>But Carol always throws a twist in it for me… she makes me rap the next set of lyrics so that makes it even tricker for me. She caught me rapping to a song once in my room, and since then this is what our relationship has become playing games with music and I love it.</p><p> </p><p>“Kid cudi. Day N’ Night.”</p><p> </p><p>“Very good. Now… you ready?”  I watch her grab the knob and my heart begins to race as it always does when we play this out of nervousness of getting the lines wrong.<br/>
“Go.”  She turns down the volume for a split second and when she does, my lips spill the entire next verse within a few breathes. </p><p> </p><p>“Hold the phone (what, what) The lonely stoner, Mr. Solo Dolo (what, what) He's on the move can't seem to shake the shade (what, what) Within his dreams he see's the life he made, made<br/>
The pain is deep (what, what) A silent sleeper you won't hear a peep, peep (what, what) The girl he wants don't seem to want him to (what, what) It seems the feelings that she had are through, through.”</p><p>Once I am done Carol looks at me in amazement when she turns the volume back up and those very lines are being rapped through the speaker. </p><p>“Okay you little cheater!” she accuses playfully. “Let’s see if you can get this one right.”  she flips through the stations again as I sit patiently,</p><p>When she takes her hand away and the music flows into the car.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>https://cerebralpalsy.org.au/our-research/about-cerebral-palsy/what-is-cerebral-palsy/types-of-cerebral-palsy/ataxic-cerebral-palsy/</p><p>here is another site I used for research about Ataxic Cerebral Palsy </p><p>the chapters may become longer from this moment on, I know this one is kind of short which I'm sorry. I kept getting interrupted by family members *eye roll* it happens anyway next chapter to come Armie and Olivia's road trip!</p>
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<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Road Trip!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The Hammers hit the open road goodbye LA hello freedom!</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The chapter is going to talk about an accident that happened to Armie. It's not too highly graphic but I thought I should warn you guys. But don't worry everything will be okay! It's just a flashback. </p><p> </p><p>Also we will be getting into a pov change where it is going to alternate between Timmy and Armie! Later on in the story.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
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  <i>Armie&lt;\i&gt;</i>
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  “Do you even know what you are saying?”  I ask with laughter in my voice, glancing at my sister from the corner of my eye as we go flying down the road, the jeep packed with our luggage, while I sit in the passenger seat, chewing on a bag of hot takis. 
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  My sister driving us with the windows rolled down, the window whipping around and blowing in all wild directions as we drive 70 miles an hour on the highway. She has a spanish song blasting and is singing the words to it and it is making me laugh, because despite what my sister says about learning spanish in high school and some in a four year college when she did her basics. Olivia can’t possibly understand what Becky G is saying and I should know…
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 I spent the last year and a half learning a shit ton of spanish for a role that I did for a movie. 
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  “You don’t have to know what they are saying to enjoy the music Armie!”  she yells over the wind, as she dances with her hands 
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  I burst into laughter and pull up the lyrics to the song “Pijama” and begin to make my point right there while my sister keeps singing the song. 
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  “You are literally singing about wanting tripping off of canibis and wanting to fuck someone all night. Pijama means, without pajamas Liv.” 
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  I point out popping another taki in my mouth as I slip my shoes off and set my feet on the dash, crossing my ankles, my legs gently moving to the beat of the music, it’s starting to get to my body and before I know it I find myself humming. 
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  “Sounds like fun to me! Hell, I wouldn't mind finding me a boyfriend while we are down here. Who knows Armie you may even get you somebody while chilling.” 
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 Olivia looks over at me and smiles hearing my humming, I look back at her skeptically shaking my head, softly.  “Nah I don’t think so. I think I may stay single for a good while before I ever even start thinking about dating again. Rebecca has officially sucked whatever it was that drew me to her out. Now, I just want to chill out and hang out, party, enjoy the water.” 
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  I reach into the bag, pull out another taki and hand it over to my sister who leans over, snatching it right out of my hand and pops it into her mouth. 
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  “Oh I beg to differ big brother, I think you will and it will come when you least expect it. Then I will get to tease the shit out of you and gush over how cute you are with them.
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 <i> ‘that’s what she thinks… what she doesn’t know is that all my “relationships” have been fake except for Rebecca’s. Which has now ended. I don’t know how I will get back into the dating scene when and if I do.’ &lt;\i&gt;</i>
 
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 My dating life while having cerebral palsy does not come without obstacles, The few times that I have tried... It was not only hard but slightly anxiety filled and made me overwhelmed. Especially when I would have to explain to my dates why it would take me forever to walk down a flight of stairs. Or they would look at me funny when I would be trying to count money for the bill when I was a teenager. So my optimism was shattered in some moments while in others I felt confident as hell. 
 
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 Other times, my partners would go all mother complex on me and want to take care of me. Which don’t get me wrong I don’t mind someone taking care of me but, not to the point of them not letting me do anything on my own. Some times, it got so bad my sister would literally chase the girl or boy off before that could happen often telling them. “My brother is not a baby, stop treating him like one!” which would not only make me laugh but I couldn’t help but feel that my relationships not working out was my fault on some level. 
  
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    <i>“Armie!” </i>
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    <i>“Huh?”  I hadn’t realized that we had stopped at a gas station and Olivia was asking me if I wanted to get out, stretch my legs, and pump gas while she went to the bathroom. </i>
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    <i>“Yeah, just let me get my shoes. Get some more takis while your in there would ya? We are running on empty.”  </i>
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    <i>I shake the empty back at my sister and she lifts up her sunglasses, and for an instant I think I see her eyes roll cause me to smirk. Hopping out of the passenger seat and shutting the door, I walk around a little stopping, I pull my left knee to my chest, then my right one after it. </i>
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    <i>This is a routine and a habit that I have gotten into over the years after having to go to physical therapy as a child and being forced to as my mother called it “sitting pretty.” and after me having my little “accident” that scared me into stretching a lot more than I was doing back then.</i>
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      <b>Flashback</b>
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      <i>February 19th, 2019: Spring, school football field</i>
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    <i> <i>“Go Arms Go!  He’s gaining on you, man!” </i></i>
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      <i> I hear one of my friends yell as I hold the football close to my chest, my breath coming in bursts, as I thunder across the grass as fast as I can, with him running beside me, going in for a tackle to one of our other friends who is playing on the opposite team. </i>
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      <i>I turn back behind me to see a kid with red curly hair and freckles getting closer and closer a look of determination in his blue eyes, hands moving fast as he gains more speed. </i>
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      <i>‘Oh no! Time to lose him!’</i>
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      <i>I push off with my right foot and gain a little more speed with my long legs making it past the 20, 30, and onwards, by this point, I am heading straight for the goal. Spining and ducking my way past the other guys who are determined to take my tall ass down, the others seemingly freak out and just run out of my way. </i>
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      <i>And…. </i>
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      <i>“TOUCH DOWN!”  I slam the ball down onto the ground and do a victory dance across that grass like I own it, sweat pouring over my head, down my neck and my chest and my legs shaking a little but I am happy. </i>
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      <i>My friends all gather around cheering and clapping me on the back for a good game. Even though it is just us playing a small game of football and that it's not an actual school game. </i>
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      <i>It's when we are walking off the field and back to our cars that I begin to feel strange. </i>
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      <i>It starts with this feeling like I'm floating and my muscles loosen as I am walking. </i>
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      <i>The next thing I know I feel this sharp burning sensation in my legs and it vibrates up from my calves to my thighs, and down through my feet. </i>
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      <i>"Armie! Shit! Are you okay?!!!!! Armie, talk to me buddy what happened?!!!" </i>
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      <i>I realized that I am now on the ground on my back looking up at the orange, purple and pink hue of the sunset sky. </i>
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      <i>My legs are twitching and my muscles won't give, I am gasping for a breath, tears flooding my eyes and I can't understand for the life of me what in the fuck is happening to my body right now. </i>
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      <i>"Justin…. I… I can't move my legs it hurts so fucking bad.”  my voice comes out in a crackle and when I hear myself I sound like a child. </i>
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      <i>"Oh he's just got a cramp. No big deal."  One comments as the rest walk off and drive away.</i>
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      <i>"Fuck you! This isn't a damn cramp!" I grit my teeth and wince in pain as it again burns through my legs, my tears release and spill down my eyes.</i>
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      <i>“Ah! Don’t touch them! Don’t touch them! Fuck!”   I snap at  Justin when I see his hand reach out to touch my legs, sitting up quickly just to fall back down on the ground. </i>
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  <i>
    <i>
      <i>“Arms, calm down I just wanna help.” </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>Justin tries to help me to my feet but not even my feet work, thankfully he is able to hold me up by himself.  </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>“You gotta walk man, I know it hurts but you got to.”  He gives me a sympathetic look when he hears me whimper. “I’m right here, Arms you can do it.” </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>The second that I try to straighten both feet and put them down on the ground, my body screams and my feet drag against the pavement. I cry out in pain and for once in my life I think I am going to die, I have never in my life felt a pain like this before.  Imagine a person who is paralized from the waist down and trying to hold them upright that is what my legs looked like, the muscles were so tight that I couldn’t walk or even bend them without having that burning sensation zap me, causing my legs to jerk and twitch, while my feet literally were dragging on the ground. </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>My scream must have alerted someone else to come running and see what was going on, I see a much older man who looked to be in his 40s rush through the gate and kneel down beside me and Justin. As Justin explains to the man what is going on he nods and instructs Justin to lay me back down slowly. It was one of the coaches I recognized from track, when I would go out to hangout with my friends, he would always be in the field house with the jocks weight lifting with them.</i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>“Now son what we are going to have to do is massage his legs, and move them back and forth until his muscles loosen up.”</i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>‘What the hell? Move my legs oh nonononononononononono!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’ </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>“Coach do you think that's a good idea I mean, look at him… he is in literal tears? I have never seen him like this before.”</i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>The man nods his head and turns to me, a pitiful look of help me in my eyes and he reaches over and gently pats my shoulder.  “What’s your name? I’m Franklin Green.” </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>“A- Armie.”  I say sucking in some air biting back another wave of pain, digging my fingers into the pavement, next to the bleachers, trying to not think of the pain or make it worse by moving.</i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>“Now Armie, I am here to help you okay, will you let me help you?” </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>I nod vergiously at this point I am willing to do anything to make the fucking pain stop, he gives me a smile and I smile back weakly or try to with the pain. </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>“Armie, I’m not going to lie to you this is going to hurt but, I promise you once it’s over, you are going to be walking as if this never happened.”</i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>After that he and Justin worked on my legs for four whole hours trying as gently and as slow as he could to help me. While I jerked, cursed and practically begged him to stop my voice filling with sobs but he didn’t give up on me. He was going to get me to walk and I was so grateful that he didn’t listen to me. </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>I was walking within days later as if that incident never happened but it was a constant reminder to always stretch my legs. But after that day… I am still scared it could happen again and I don’t let anyone touch my legs at all. </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <b>*flashback ends*</b>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <b>*****</b>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>The gas pump clicks and Olivia is walking out of the inside part just as I hang up the hose with a grin, her brown hair flipping to the left side of her shoulder. Sashaying her way over to me as if she was a model, tilting her glasses down at me she winks. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“You feel like switching places or do you feel good enough still to drive?”  I ask catching my bag of takis as Olivia throws them to me before setting the plastic bag in the backseat on the floor board.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Can your legs handle it? If they can’t Armie I don’t mind driving the whole way. You know me, I don’t like seeing you in pain.” </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Armie smiles a sincere smile wrapping his arm around his sister’s shoulders, he plants a kiss to her hair. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“I know but you also know me sis. If I am in pain, and I mean any at all you will be the first to know okay? Besides, this is OUR road trip, I can’t let you have all the fun now can I?” </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Armie… you didn’t?”  </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>I stay close to my sister’s side and pull out a zip lock baggie of weed and show it to her, before shoving it down into my pocket again. Where I’ve had it since we left LA. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>She grins at me when I say, “I did.” my smile turning up into a smirk as I waggle my eyebrows at her, opening the driver’s door and stepping into the car again. Shutting it with a soft clap and fixing the seat, pushing it all the way back until my legs are comfortably stretched out and not cramped up against the steering wheel. (gotta love tall people issues!) </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Olivia runs around to the passenger side and jumps in while I fiddle with the aux cord and my phone flipping it to a playlist called childhood and with the tap of my finger,  Black Stone Cherry comes through the speakers. I set the phone down in the cup holder and put the car in drive.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“And this is why you are one of the best bad influences on me Armie.” she comments before she starts singing along to the song with me. Both of us were dancing in our seats  to “Blame It On The Boom Boom” and to so many others as we fell back into the comfort of each other’s company like we used to as kids. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <b>***&lt;\b&gt;</b>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <b>The drive from Los Angeles to Concan Texas takes exactly 19 hours and 8 minutes, which means we were having to drive on I-10 East all the way through to Phoenix and Tucson Arizona, to Elpaso then straight on through to Junction and Leaky then Concan. </b>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <b>At some point my phone rings pausing the music and Olivia looks at me with a curious eye, crossing her arms over her chest. </b>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <b>“We are in the middle of having sibling bond time Armieeeeee.”  she whines putting on her best pout face and I laugh. </b>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <b>“It’s your niece Olivia. I have to answer it.” </b>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <b>I push the green call button and within seconds the screen lights up with Ford’s little close up face. It warms my heart and I feel a smile cross my lips. </b>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <b>“Ford, what are you doing with mommy’s phone?!” surprise filling my voice. </b>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <b>the little boy screams and giggles then suddenly, the camera is shaking and I can hear Harper’s tiny voice, yelling for Ford to give her the phone. </b>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <b>“Ford give it back! I wanna talk to daddy!” she whines and then we no longer see Ford but Rebecca’s angry face. </b>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <b>“Harper stop fighting with your brother and go help Angel. Go help Angel set the table for dinner. Now please!” </b>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <b>After that the call abruptly ends and that is it. No call back, no “hi how are yous?” just silence and the car fills with music once again. </b>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <b>“I don’t know how you can put up with such a-”  </b>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <b>I cut my sister off immediately not wanting to hear the next word come out of her mouth. I don’t need to hear this right now, I know what Olivia thinks of Rebecca. She never liked her and my ex wife always made sure to let me know how much she hated my sister in return. It was like a ping pong match that no one would win no matter what the score was, and yet I was the referee when it came to both of them. </b>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <b>“Just…. Don’t.  I murmur as my eyes focus back on the road the only thought in my head at that moment, was my children. </b>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <b>
        <b>The drive from Los Angeles to Concan Texas takes exactly 19 hours and 8 minutes, which means we were having to drive on I-10 East all the way through to Phoenix and Tucson Arizona, to Elpaso then straight on through to Junction and Leaky then Concan. </b>
      </b>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <b>
        
      </b>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <b>
        <b>At some point my phone rings pausing the music and Olivia looks at me with a curious eye, crossing her arms over her chest. </b>
      </b>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <b>
        
      </b>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <b>
        <b>“We are in the middle of having sibling bond time Armieeeeee.”  she whines putting on her best pout face and I laugh. </b>
      </b>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <b>
        
      </b>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <b>
        <b>“It’s your niece Olivia. I have to answer it.”<br/>
I push the green call button and within seconds the screen lights up with Ford’s little close up face. It warms my heart and I feel a smile cross my lips. </b>
      </b>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <b>
        
      </b>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <b>
        <b>“Ford, what are you doing with mommy’s phone?!” surprise filling my voice and the little boy screams and giggles then suddenly, the camera is shaking and I can hear Harper’s tiny voice, yelling for Ford to give her the phone. </b>
      </b>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <b>
        
      </b>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <b>
        <b>“Ford give it back! I wanna talk to daddy!” she whines and then we no longer see Ford but Rebecca’s angry face. </b>
      </b>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <b>
        
      </b>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <b>
        <b>“Harper stop fighting with your brother and go help Angel. Go help Angel set the table for dinner. Now please!” </b>
      </b>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <b>
        
      </b>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <b>
        <b>After that the call abruptly ends and that is it. No call back, no “hi how are yous?” just silence and the car fills with music once again. </b>
      </b>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <b>
        
      </b>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <b>
        <b>“I don’t know how you can put up with such a-”  </b>
      </b>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <b>
        
      </b>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <b>
        <b>I cut my sister off immediately not wanting to hear the next word come out of her mouth. I don’t need to hear this right now, I know what Olivia thinks of Rebecca. She never liked her and my ex wife always made sure to let me know how much she hated my sister in return. It was like a ping pong match that no one would win no matter what the score was, and yet I was the referee when it came to both of them. </b>
      </b>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <b>
        
      </b>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <b>
        <b>“Just…. Don’t.  I murmur as my eyes focus back on the road the only thought in my head at that moment, was my children. My heart aching in my chest and I begin to wonder if leaving them with their mother this weekend to come to the river was a bad idea. instead of just bring them with us like we use to when they were babies, it was a family tradition of ours that has kept up for generations. </b>
      </b>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <b>
        
      </b>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <b>
        <b>Starting with my grandparents and so on and so. It just sort of happened they brought their friends, and their friends brought their families and from their it just grew Olivia and I were babies when we first came. </b>
      </b>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <b>
        
      </b>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <b>
        <b>
          <b>***</b>
        </b>
      </b>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <b>
        
      </b>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <b>
        <b>Sometime later five stops, four potty breaks, 3 chinese fire drills  and sore muscles later we managed to make it to Concan Texas, just before dark and our cell phones lost signal. No this is not some scary horror movie cliche, since Concan is close to the mountains the phone reception sucks, and there are no bars. </b>
      </b>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <b>
        <b>If you want to call someone you would have to go either further out of town, or go all the way to Uvalde in order to make calls and go to the actual grocery store, Instead of going to the little shops that are there for the cabins and the locals that actually live here. </b>
      </b>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <b>
        
      </b>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <b>
        <b>However, the beautiful scenery is worth not having the cell phone reception. The mountains, the winding roads that go up and down through them, the countless greenery, trees, cactus, the high wire fences to keep the deer from jumping into the road, along with goats, cows, foxes(sometimes) and other animals that you have to look out for when driving in the daylight or at night time. </b>
      </b>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <b>
        
      </b>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <b>
        <b>“Oh god finally!”  Olivia exclaims throwing her arms up into the air stretching them above her head.</b>
      </b>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <b>
        
      </b>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <b>
        <b>"You're telling me let's get out unpack this shit and hit the water." </b>
      </b>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <b>
        
      </b>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <b>
        <b>We both agree that it's a good idea and get beginning to grab our bags from the back seat, carrying them up to the porch.</b>
      </b>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The accident described in the story is indeed true. It happened just like it did however, it wasn't one of the coaches that helped me it was a teacher's husband and another student who was nice enough to help too. </p><p>It happened during our senior lock-in and I was running around playing on the football field, capture the flag is what I think we were playing at the time. Anyway, all the other kids were staring at me when it happened and a lot them just walked on by me. When I was in tears trying to get up myself and couldn't.</p><p>So moral of this story if you see someone go through something like please help them. We aren't faking it for attention this isn't a joke, this really is painful to go through and the help you give them will help in the long run. </p><p> <br/>Next chapter Timmy gets to learn about the Hammers!</p><p>Ps I didn't realize that using italics and the bold would effect the entire thing so... The only thing that would be Italics is Armie's thoughts and the flashback itself. And I'm not quite sure how to fix it 😂</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Intrigued</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Timmy learns about the Hammers and becomes intrigued by his not so new neighbors.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter will have both armie and timothee’s pov’s going back and forth. Starting with Timmy ^_^</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Timothee</p><p>After making the last delivery of the day, Carol and I then took a trip to get ice cream at the local parlor where I got a scoop of pistachio ice cream, in a cup with chocolate drizzled on top of it. Before we head back to the candle shop to close for the night. </p><p> </p><p>It is on the drive back, I notice a couple or what I assume to be a couple driving up to the cabin that is caddy corner from my parent’s cabin. When we drive past I see them get out of the car, and watch them unpack their car as Carol comments, </p><p> </p><p>“Oh the Hammer’s are back! I was wondering when they were going to show up, it’s been a few years since they have been here.” </p><p> </p><p>‘The Hammers? I thought that place was vacant, a ghost house I have never seen anyone come in or out. No cars there nothing.’</p><p> </p><p> Carol explains as we pull up into our driveway, putting the car in park and getting out of the car, that the seemingly nice cabin quite like their own belongs to the Hammers. A wealthy family who vacation there every summer then go back home during the winter months. </p><p> </p><p>I let my wandering eyes fall on the pair who continue to go back and forth from the car to the front door, seemingly in a small daze as I hold onto the side of the car, walking around it to get to the porch. </p><p> </p><p>Mindy comes out the front door dressed in a tank top and short shorts, her hair coming down in wavy curls. Her sunglasses placed on top of her head, her converse double tied as she comes bouncing down the stairs and jumps off the porch. </p><p> </p><p>“Where are you going? Young lady.”  Carol asks watching her daughter get ready to run across the road that separates the two cabins. </p><p> </p><p>“I was going to go over to the Hammer’s and say hello maybe even hangout with Olivia for a while before dinner.” she says quickly hoping to get out of there as if her ass was on fire. </p><p> </p><p>
  <i>‘Either she must really like this Olivia girl or there is a certain boy that she is dying to see.’ </i>
</p><p> </p><p>I give a chuckle and she glares at me. “What are you laughing at you stupid cripple! At least I can walk and I have friends while you have nobody. So-”</p><p> </p><p>“Mindy Elizabeth Chalamet! You apologize to your brother right now. I will not tolerate you speaking to him that way, not ever do you hear me! It is not his fault that he was born with his disability.”</p><p> </p><p>My head sinks low as I make it to the stairs and stop my hand shaking on the railing at the sound of Mark’s voice penetrating my ears. Even though I am not the one who is in trouble, I will always freeze up and try to become as small as I can from the sound. It’s a side effect from my abuse in the foster homes, one of the foster moms would yell at me for one reason or another and if I didn’t do something to her standards then, her hand would come back and smack me. It didn’t have to take much to knock me over a breeze could have blown and I would have toppled over anyway. </p><p> </p><p>“Sorry.” Mindy mumbles to me it sounds half assed and I know she isn’t sincere about it. She hates me. Ever since I came to live with the Chalamet she is always trying to make my life a living hell in some sort of way. </p><p> </p><p>There was a time when Carol had bought me a Nintendo switch to help me with my coordination as an adoption gift. Mindy threw a fit because she didn’t get one, and wanted to know why I always got the “cool shit” and she didn’t. She was ordered to go to her room and when I was in my room playing or trying to play with my new present, she took it from me and threw it down the stairs telling me to go fetch it. </p><p> </p><p>Tears quietly fill my eyes the moment Mark gently touches my shoulder and makes a motion to lift me into his arms, I nod slowly giving consent and he picks me up, carrying me up the stairs and into the house. As I curse myself quietly for being scared of the stairs and not being brave enough to go up or down them. </p><p> </p><p>“Mindy hates me.” I say matter of factly as Mark sets me down on the carpet of the living room floor, helping me get ready to do my stretches.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Mark Chalamet is a gentle soul; he is stern at times, but he can be very understanding and cares a lot about me. He is 5’7, age 41, with a dark beard, a short cropped hair cut, chestnut colored eyes, with thin reading glasses that he wore most of the time and was built a little bit like me, lanky but with more muscle. He reminded me of a college professor every time I looked at him. Always wearing polo shirts with the collars and khaki shorts or any kind of shorts to begin with, and sandals with velcro straps on them. </p><p> </p><p>“She doesn’t hate you Timmy. She just… he pauses for a moment, trying to find the right words to say as I put my feet out in front of me. My feet turning inwards as usual as Mark gently takes my hands and helps me bend forward slowly stretching my calf muscles. He then continues, </p><p> </p><p>“she doesn’t understand you nor does she know what you are going through. So she can’t really relate to you, she is also twenty one and has a diva attitude so there is also that to deal with. But whether you may agree or not Tim she does love you.” </p><p> </p><p>I wince feeling my muscles pull and my hands shake in Mark’s and he gives me a reassuring smile, easing me back upright. </p><p> </p><p>“How long have you known the Hammers Mark?” I hear myself say suddenly my curiosity shows as we hear the front door open and Carol walking in shaking her head. </p><p> </p><p>“I swear Mark, our daughter is a teenager in an adult's body sometimes.”  she comments walking to the dining room table to set her purse down. Before she comes into the living room to take over for Mark at my feet as he let’s go of my hands. </p><p> </p><p>“Honey how long have we known the Hammers?”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh a couple of years. Why?” she asks with a knowing smile as she looks at me. “Noticed him did you Timmy.” she puts her hands on my legs and massages the tops of my legs then down to my feet, her hand is soft to the touch and completely gentle with my sore muscles. </p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know what you're talking about.”  I say in a playful light tone, trying not to blush from being caught but I know that Carol isn’t stupid. </p><p> </p><p>“It’s alright Timmy. Everyone notices Armie all the time, he is kinda hard to miss, he is very tall and also handsome. He is also a movie star so everyone around the world should know who that man is. Many people adore him and he has sooo many fans that admire and obsess over him. I can see why it is not hard to understand. But that man is very nice and the sweetest human I have ever met in my life.”</p><p> </p><p>Tilt my head and my curls fall into my eyes as I look back at Carol biting my lip softly. Thinking about what I wanted to ask before I voiced it.  “What do you mean? I thought all Hollywood actors are snobby, fame to your head types.” </p><p> </p><p>“Oh no sweetheart. Not Armie, he is anything but those things, and that is not me being light about this man’s reputation. He is a wonderful person, he likes to go against the traditional Hollywood way of life, and managed to push his way away from his family’s traditions. You see Timothee, Armie comes from a family of Oil people and the oil field business is a very wealthy job to have. It is because of this the Hammer’s are well known around here due to Armie’s grandfather who helped build the very cabin that they have. You can sit here and listen to me ramble all night or you could go over and meet him yourself. But I promise you, I think you will like him.” </p><p>****</p><p>
  <i>Armie</i>
</p><p> </p><p>“Hey! Are you going to come help or are you just going to sit and try to get a signal when you already know it’s not going to work?” I was laughing at Olivia. She stuck my tongue out at me then I yelled, “Oh bite me! Slave driver!” The tone was playful at best.</p><p>I hopped out of the seat and helped carry in the groceries, we had gotten along the way,putting all the cold things away in the fridge. Then helped bust up the bags of ice that was going to go inside the cooler we had brought, to take with us on the river. </p><p> </p><p>“I call dibs on the bedroom on the left!”  Olivia yelled running back inside with her bag over her left shoulder, her feet taping on the metal threshold as she went with a *tack* noise coming from under her shoe. I watched her run into my room and jumped on the bed once, claiming her spot.</p><p> </p><p> <i>‘Oh really now? Her spot huh?’</i></p><p> </p><p>I smiled with mischievous glee at the thought of my sister having to sleep on that small futon, arms and legs hanging off the sides with her head pushed up awkwardly against the wall. Yes, I am that brother! That loves to tourture his sister every chance I get as playful banter, practical jokes the whole nine yards, don’t judge me! </p><p>Then it hit me we were supposed to have one more member to the mix of our group. I raced out of the kitchen and back outside where Olivia had snuck outside to  blow up our inner tubes. The loud sound of the air machine going I had to yell over the noise to get her attention. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey! Did you ever hear from Kimberly?”  </p><p> </p><p>Kimberly Garcia was my sister’s old college roommate when Olivia went to university to study fashion at the time, I thought she was dead set on being a famous fashion designer at the time. So when she met Kimberly in their dorm they would be sharing that first day, and I saw that she had books about fashion and a talent for drawing… I knew right then my sister and this girl would become fast friends from them having the same interests. </p><p> </p><p>She was a 5’6 girl with eyelashes to die for, her eyes were a chestnut brown, her hair was a dirty blond color, longer and went past her butt. So I nicknamed her Raponzel. (She thought that was funny.) her skin was tanner than mine, I thought she used tanning lotion then I found out she was full blooded mexican. She was originally from Chiwawah, Mexico born and raised there. Until she turned 20 and moved to come to college to pursue her fashion dream. </p><p> </p><p>After embarrassing myself in front of her I profusely apologized to her and she just shook her head and replied, “Oh don’t worry about itl, I get that alot from people I first meet. I’m not offended in any way, it just means my mom gave me good genes and my dad gave me the attitude to back it up.” </p><p> </p><p>From there they were besties till the end and  did everything together shopping, drawing designs, sharing ideas to make the other better in their skills. Yeah, that was us all the way up to graduation day and then Olivia said they  got separated when Kimberly finally decided ultimately that I wanted to be a model on the runway and not someone behind the scenes. </p><p> </p><p>They managed to keep in touch though and she said that Kimberly  was excited to finally get some time off to come to the frio and hang with Olivia. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey Olivia!” I turn to see Mindy Chalamet running over to us stopping to give Olivia a hug first, before she comes over to me, twisting her hair around her finger, turning shy. </p><p> </p><p>“Hi Armie.” </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> She says looking me up and down, the gesture making me feel slightly uncomfortable as she touches my arm with her manicured hand. Her look speaks volumes, she desperately wants me to notice her, for me to give her compliments and I feel bad for her. She has a huge crush on me and has had one for quite a while starting when she was a teenager and when she found out that my family had a cabin up here, she came over every single day just to hang out with me and my sister. </p><p> </p><p>“Hello Mindy, how are you?”  I speak to her in a friendly tone taking a step back away from her so she is no longer touching me, I walk over to where my sister is to help her out with the tubes. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m good. Oh! Are you guys going down to the river? Can I come!!!!!” her eyes light up as she bounces from foot to foot. </p><p> </p><p>“Sure the more the merry.” Olivia replies moving away from the already aired up tubes to dig through one of the square tubs to grab the sunscreen. The lid comes off with a snap and the sound of her digging through it fills my ears, while Mindy hops up on the picnic table jabbering on about wanting to bring beer on the river. </p><p> </p><p>I wasn’t listening to either of them at the moment my eyes were focused on the boy dressed in a hoodie, blue jeans, with a pair of headphones hanging around his neck, his brown curly hair bobbing as he weaves back and forth across the road walking. </p><p> </p><p>My eyes stay on him the entire time he is about halfway across the street when a car honks, then I see the boy go down on the street and without thinking I run over, scared that he may have been hit by the car. I look both ways then motion for another car to go around as I stop next to him and crouch down, looking him over.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, are you okay?”  </p><p> </p><p>“Yes, I’m fine. tha-”</p><p> </p><p>He lifts his head and when he looks at me, his eyes widen then he loses his voice and I immediately think he knows exactly who I am that he is another star struck fan. Then he looks away from me quickly hissing when he notices the small scrapes on his palms.</p><p> </p><p>“That was quite a fall you took. Come on let’s get you out of the road, people around here are known for not paying any attention. I'm Armie." </p><p> </p><p>"Timmy." <br/>"Would it be alright if I picked you up under your arms instead of your hands. I don't want to hurt you." </p><p> </p><p>He nods giving his consent and when I stand up to my full height, his mouth drops open and he looks up at me slowly sort of checking me out. If I was to guess his expression makes me laugh. </p><p> </p><p>"Holy shit you are huge! I mean um…." </p><p> </p><p>He trails off turning beet red and then he stammers out quickly, looking down again trying to hide himself. </p><p> </p><p>" I am so sorry that was rude of me."  </p><p> </p><p>I help him up by wrapping my arms underneath his arms, and ease him up onto his feet, only letting go when he is stable enough to walk on his own. </p><p> </p><p>“Oh don’t worry about it, Timmy I am used to this kinda thing. Actually, I hear that a lot so you are not the first, to tell me that.”  </p><p> </p><p>When I begin walking back towards the cabin I notice him swaying as he walks and I grab him again this time by the shoulder to steady him. He looks up at me, when I give a look of concern. </p><p> </p><p>“Haven’t been drinking too much today have you Timmy?”  my tone is joking and teasing of course but before Timmy has a chance to answer me I hear Mindy groan and hop off the table. </p><p> </p><p>“No!!!!!! Why are you here! You’re going to ruin all of our fun!” she whines like a child. </p><p> </p><p>I look over at Timmy who frowns trying to hide his hands in his hoodie but I stop him, gently grabbing onto his forearm, then letting go of it.  “You two know each other?” </p><p> </p><p>“Yes. That's my idiot brother my parent’s adopted him not too long ago,  and he’s been a pain in my ass ever since!”  </p><p> </p><p>Mindy informs us as I lead Timmy to sit down on the bench of the picnic table. </p><p> </p><p>"So your name is Timmy Chalamet?"  Olivia jumps into the conversation, as she grabs her bathing suit out of the orange tub next to her. Tossing mine to me over her shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>"Um… yeah, well it's actually pronounced Timo-tay but since people have such a hard time with the pronunciation, I just let people call me Timmy, Timo or Tim." </p><p> </p><p>Olivia beams brightly. "Olivia Hammer. I'm Armie's badass sister. You can call me Olivia or Liv, either one works for me! Oh what happened to your hands?" </p><p> </p><p>"Liv, did we bring the first aid kit with us? Timo here had a little accident. He fell in the road." </p><p> </p><p>Mindy shakes her head obviously not surprised by her brother's clumsiness. “He always falls down, he has very bad balancing issues.”</p><p> </p><p>“Mindy! Shut up!”  Timmy snapped then looked at me with an apologetic look. He seemed to be nervous around us for some reason, but I couldn’t understand why? Had I done something? Said something that made him feel that way?</p><p> </p><p>“The kit is in the bathroom Arms. what was it you said about Kimberly coming?”  </p><p> </p><p>“She said that she would be coming with Zack and his group; they should be here later on tonight. They got a late start, don’t worry sis she will be here.” I reassured Olivia  with my big watt smile that made her want to smile. </p><p> </p><p>Olivia says my smile is infectious. She says anyone could be having the shittest day and not want to be around anybody then I come around and smile, then they would forget why you day was shitty in the first place. I think she is bluffing honestly. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m going to show Timmy the bathroom and help him clean up.” I tell my sister then turn to Mindy, “if you are going with us, then go put on your bathing suit we will hit the water after I get back.” </p><p> </p><p>
  <i>Timmy</i>
</p><p>
  <i>‘What in the hell is wrong with me! What was I even thinking walking over here? Let alone falling in the middle of the road like that, I’m such a…..’ </i>
</p><p> </p><p>“Are you going to go to the river with us Timmy?”  Armie asks me glancing over his shoulder at me as he leads me to what I assume is the restroom, while my eyes take in the high ceilings, the extravagant decor that probably costs a fortune and is that a swimming pool in the backyard?!!!!! </p><p> </p><p>“Um… I don’t think so. Mindy seems pretty pissed that I am even over here. So thanks for the offer but I think I’ll just go back home and watch tv with Mark and Carol.” </p><p> </p><p>He seems to frown at my response but doesn’t say much of anything, his bare feet thud against the flooring as we pass the kitchen and turn to the left, walking down a hallway stopping at a white door to the right. </p><p> </p><p>“This is the bathroom, go have a seat on the toilet.”  He instructs stepping to the side to allow me to pass him, and as I do my hand decides to be an asshole and jerk causing me to hit Armie. I freeze with embarrassment, I don’t dare look up at him. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry.” I murmur.</p><p> </p><p>He chuckles and simply shrugs. “It’s okay.” as if it is not a big deal at all and comes up behind me to reach the cabinet above my head when I sit down on the toilet.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re sister doesn’t seem to like you very much. What did you do to make her so... I don't know, angry.” </p><p> </p><p>I watch him crouch down in front of me, pull up the sleeves of my hoodie, pushing the right one up to my elbow, another jerk happens and he looks up at me puzzled, then turns away from me to open the box and pulls out a couple of bandages and some neosporin. He sets them off to the side and shuts the lid then turns his attention to me.  </p><p> </p><p>“She is used to being the center of attention then I came along and stole a lot of that attention from her. Or maybe her crush is being so nice to me and not paying much attention to her.”   </p><p>I watch his eyebrows go up a tiny bit then back down a small smirk shows. “Your sister has had a crush on me since she was 16 years old, Timmy. Just between you and me, it’s getting a little old and it’s slightly sad how much effort she is putting into getting me to like her.” </p><p> </p><p>I can’t help but snicker then but I am slowly beginning to understand why my mother likes Armie so much. </p><p> </p><p>“How old are you?”  I take a chance on asking this question, it’s simple and doesn’t make me feel as though I am embarrassing myself.</p><p> </p><p>“How old are you?”  he throws the question right back at me, as he flips on the water, snagging a wash cloth from under the sink, wetting the end of it. Then turning the water off.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m 27.” </p><p> </p><p>I am legit twenty seven years old but people don’t believe when I go into bars or clubs they think I am a lot younger than what I am. It is not only frustrating but it can also be very annoying when you have to show your driver’s license to people proving that you are of the legal age to smoke, drink, and party. </p><p> </p><p>“No shit?! I thought you were at least sixteen or seventeen. Wow, I was way off.” he gives me a sheepish look and I lick my lips, then hiss when the cold rag touches my wound. </p><p> </p><p>“Okay your turn how old are you Armie?”  I focus on the blue eyes in front of me trying my hardest to not think about the pain, despite it only being a small scrape it stings pretty good. </p><p> </p><p>“I am two years older than you believe it or not.” He flashes me a smile and I can’t help but smile back but the smile fades when my hands jerk in his hand. </p><p> </p><p>‘ please don’t ask, please don’t ask, please don’t ask.’  </p><p> </p><p>I think he is going to ask about my hands shaking and I hold my breath to wait for the inevitable but instead of asking “why do your hands shake?” or “what’s wrong with you?” As I think he is going to, he asks a different question entirely surprising me.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you sure you don’t want to go to the river with us? I mean, you don’t have to go if you don’t want to. I don’t want to push you or make you feel uncomfortable or anything but I really would like for you to come and keep me company so I am not stuck around a bunch of girls.” </p><p> </p><p>“What’s wrong with girls?” I find myself asking unsure of where he was going with this but then it hits me. </p><p> </p><p>‘he is asking you to go with him to get away from your sister!’ </p><p> </p><p>A look of realization comes over my face, as I notice the change in his expression from curious to hopeful and that was enough to get me to want to go. But there was a problem, well a few actually, 1) I had never been down to the river before, not even during the times before Carol and Mark. The only time I had been in a body of water was when going to physical therapy with Carol and it wasn’t for only a few minutes each day. 2) I wasn’t a very strong swimmer and 3) I had no bathing suit at all except for the one that was at Carol’s house and I was not about to attempt walking back home right now.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t have a bathing suit” I confess as he gently put medicine on my palm, sticking the bandaid over it before attending to the other hand repeating the same process. </p><p> </p><p>“Eh don’t worry about it I have one you can borrow. I think it will fit you, it was one I had from high school that I can’t really wear anymore. So Olivia and I keep it as a spare and it is always washed so it is clean.” </p><p> </p><p>“I don’t have a life jacket.” I point out softly as he puts the other bandaid on my left palm then stands up. </p><p> </p><p>He looks at me and grins showing off his perfectly white teeth. </p><p> </p><p>“I suppose you’re going to tell me you have one of those too? Mr. gadget.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Next Chapter the gang go out to the river and Timmy gets lessons in the rules of the river, hilarity ensues so prepare for a lot of laughing if you have the crazy sense of humor that I do X3</p><p> </p><p>Also the introduction to Zack and the gang and Timmy learns of the Texas Sweetheart so I am going to say that this next chapter will be rated M for mature since there will be drinking, and smoking of weed. </p><p>couldn't really figure out a picture for this chapter so I left it as is. sorry! </p><p> </p><p>Stay tuned everybody and much love to my readers who are staying with me!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Take Me To The River</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Summary: Armie, Olivia, Timmy and Mindy head down to the river where Timmy learns first hand the rules of floating.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Yes Concan Texas is a real place and yes you can pee in the river just remember guys don't drink the water! XD</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p>
<p>Timmy </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Are you ready for your first floating experience Timmy?” Armie nudged me with his shoulder lightly as we got off the bus that had taken us to the drop off spot, where the beginning of the float is. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes.” my voice betrays my nervousness about being surrounded by all of the people that piled out of the bus and spilled all across the rocks like a bunch of cockroaches. Little kids splashing around in the shallow part of the river, some people were just waiting in the water, watching their children, others were sliding down the concrete sides of the road as a car came by driving over the water, splashing the laughing bodies dressed in their bathing suits. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Armie explained that we would start here in the first part of the float and that the ending to the first part of the float would take us right back to their cabin. Then the second part of the would start at the cabin then would continue on to a place called Neals. <br/>“Come on you slow pokes! You guys are slower than Timmy!”  Mindy yells running ahead of the three of us running along the multitude of white rocks making many clicking sounds as she carries a large pink over her right shoulder. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Don’t worry, You’ll love it!” Olivia supplied encouragement as I took my tube from her. Armie winked at me and gently set his palm on my shoulder, I listened to him as we walked together to the water, the white rocks shifting underneath my feet, making me feel like I was one of those circus performers walking on a tightrope without a net. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Now there are four rules to floating Timothee Chalamet.” I hear Armie say in a teacher like manner that made me laugh and roll my eyes. “One, whatever you do, don't drink the water. Two, if you get stuck paddle your way out of the dead water, if the water is too low, get up and walk. Three, when going through a rapid never try and go together if you are tied to someone, you will get tangled up and you will flip out of your tube. And four, Keep your ass up if there are rocks and when walking on moss covered rocks, be careful! You will bust your ass. I’ve done it plenty.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I  look at both of them and gulp a look of clear fear on my face and somewhat confusion. “Don’t worry you will see what he means in a minute.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>We make it to the water and the second my water shoes touch the surface of the water, I scream from how cold the water is and Armie gasps. “Oh shit! I forgot how cold this water is.” I watch him flop down into his tube and sit taking the rope attached to it and he calls me over. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Since it is my first time,doing this Olivia explained that Armie was going to tie my tube and his tube together so I wouldn’t be alone. While she carried the cooler with our snacks and drinks on another tube that would be tied off to her tube. My sister would be on her own since she had gone floating a lot with them and was practically a “pro” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I glance over at Olivia  who seems to be mauling something over in her head and then I watch Armie scoop up some of the water, and dump it on his sister’s head. I laugh hysterically when Olivia screams, “Jesus!” and takes off after him, their tubes left behind for just a moment, leaving me to fetch them before they went down the first shoot. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yo slow pokes lets get the show on the road!” Mindy yells pulling the hat that Olivia gave her over her eyes, sunglasses, perfectly in place as she spins in her tube.</p>
<p>*****</p>
<p>I was feeling a little apprehensive of how I would take to the idea of being in a body of water that I wasn’t familiar with. The water in the pool was often calm and slow.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The frio river is unpredictable one day the water could be calm and soothing, the rapids wouldn’t be as rough. While other days you could be floating through rough waters, where the current is fast and all you can do is hang on and take it as it comes. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>So it was only natural that I was nervous the moment we started floating. I was also worried about how I would do being in an inner tube for the first time due to my balance but </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I proved myself wrong when I ran and jumped right on it, making the water splash up. I was all smiles and beaming at Armie as I pushed myself  on my back and layed on the tube in my dark blue life jacket. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Don't worry Tim, Armie and I will take care of you so just relax and have a good time."  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>My sister was only a few feet from us. She had already gone through the first tiny rapid that happens at the start. She was singing “Sledge Hammer” by Peter Gabrial along with the group of tubers that had gotten off the bus with us, they were a good length away from us, they were already passing the first rope swing. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>In the back of my mind I was curious as to why they were being so nice to me. They don't even know me but they were treating me as if I was their friend and helping me out. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>'Don't overthink their kindness Timmy just take it for what it is and be happy that you are a part of something. You are floating down a river that you've been dying to be in for years. Stop thinking and just enjoy it!' </p>
<p> </p>
<p>My sister was only a few feet from us. She had already gone through the first tiny rapid that happens at the start. She was singing “Sledge Hammer” by Peter Gabrial along with the group of tubers that had gotten off the bus with us, they were a good length away from us, they were already passing the first rope swing. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Olivia was dancing in her tube with a drink already in her hand. It was a bottle of water, she told me she never drank on the river unlike some of the people here. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"You can drink on the river Timmy but the bottles have to be made from plastic, you are not allowed to have glass bottles of any kind not even soda." </p>
<p>Olivia explained as the waves gently rocked us back and forth in a soothing manner. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>The music was getting to me and I found myself bobbing my head to the beat, and my hands splash and move through the water, watching some of the people bailing out of their tubes and swimming to a giant tree that had a rope tied to it. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>They were swinging back and forth droplets of water flying in the air and as I watched them I feel a pang in my chest. But I can't look away from them, they looked so happy so...carefree. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>When we get close enough Armie bails out of his tube and disappears under the dark green depths and swims to the bank where the rope swing is. Getting out I quietly watch him climb up the rocks and up to the tree where the swing is swaying back and forth.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>My eyes are mesmerized by Armie being as tall as he is and swinging on a rope that looked tattered and about to break and then he lets go of the rope on the second swing. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He does a backflip and when I am close enough his hand comes out and smacks the side of my tube as he lands in the water. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>My tube flips and I go falling into the water. I scream from the coldness and frantically start to kick my legs and my hands splash around as I try to look for Armie. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>'where did he go?' </p>
<p> </p>
<p>When he resurfaces, Armie is smirking at me, his hair stuck to the side of his head, his eyes filled with playfulness, he flicks his hand at me and water hits me in the side of my face. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Oh you have just started a war Armie."  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I start to push the water moving my arms back and forth like the cannons in ininja as fast as I can flicking the water back at him. Both of us, laughing together as we play like a couple of children, the band-aids that are on my hands are getting wet and I'm sure the medicine has washed away. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>My palms sting a little but I am having too much fun to care. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Oh now you're really gonna get it Timmy." </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I hear Armie say and then I see him disappear under the water, I look around giggling, paying close attention to see if I can find him but where we are the water is too deep and too dark for me to see him. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Woah!!!! Armie what are you doing!!!!!!"  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Armie comes up out of the water with me on his shoulders and suddenly my entire body is out of the water and I am clinging for dear life to Armie's hands. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Don't drink the water." He reminds me.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Then the next thing I know, he tosses me backwards in one go and I hit the water again, holding my breath I keep my mouth closed, popping back up like a life preserver in water.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I look at him and he looks at me with a look that I can't even begin to describe and I feel something flutter in my stomach. It only happens when he is looking at me, my mind goes back to when we were in the bathroom by ourselves. He was looking at me this way too.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘He is just being nice to you because you are disabled. Just like most people do he pities you so he is being nice. That is all…’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘ stop being a negative nancy and just enjoy the moment being in the water! It might not last too long.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Come on we gotta get you back in your tube, it won’t be too long before we hit another rapid and I don’t want you to get dragged by the current on rocks.”  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Just like that the moment is gone. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>*****</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Armie</p>
<p>Getting to see Timmy’s facial expressions is something that I find amazing, he has this crazy ability where whatever it is that he is feeling, is just right there all over his face. I mean even his very thoughts are right there for me to see and I love it!  It is something that is not only comical to me but shows that he is a raw, genuine human who doesn’t hide behind his emotions like most people that I have worked with does when I was an actor. It is very refreshing not having to be around someone who isn’t constantly trying to force certain emotions out for the sake of others. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Timmy just does it naturally and I like it. I like him. But I can’t help getting the feeling that he is trying to hide something from me or that he is scared of something. He is always constantly saying sorry when he does nothing wrong and I can’t figure out why? </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Armie, there’s another rapid coming up! You may wanna get back into your tube!”  my sister calls out and I snap out of whatever trance I was in moments before. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Come on we gotta get you back in your tube, it won’t be too long before we hit another rapid and I don’t want you to get dragged by the current on rocks.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I see Timmy’s eyes widen at the very thought and he begins to scramble for the tube like a cat that is drowning. Trying to paddle towards me, He takes my left hand while my right hand pulls on the rope so that his tube floats towards me. He is treading water for a few seconds and I know he is looking for a rock to stand on. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“There is one closer to the bank we are about to come up on. When you can stand on it and jump back into the tube.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He sounds a little out of breath, his head is turned to the left and he is watching as the rock is approaching. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Go” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>When he is able to stand I pull him up and he sits back falling into his tube. We are now face to face, his back towards the next rapid, the rope between us floats in the water between our spread legs. </p>
<p>We watch each other for a moment, our eyes locked on each other. His eyes are bright and his curls are sticking to his head from being wet, his life jacket is bunched up towards his head like a turtle, his bathing suite is scrunched up, slightly from when he was climbing back in his tube. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What?” I say a smile in my voice as I dip my hand in the water, and splash the water up onto the growing hot tube. ‘I forgot how hot these damn things get when the sun is directly hitting them.’ I see his eyes move to my hand and back to my eyes. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Nothing.” he says innocently letting his arms hang over the side of his tube, and he raises his legs, crossing them on top of my tube as I do the same to him.  “Um… do we need to separate?” he asks me after a pause, craning his neck to see the rapid fastly approaching closer. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I look and shake my head. “Nah. this one we will be fine, it’s only when we get to the slide then we will have to separate and the bigger rapids on the second half of the float. This one is small.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh.” I watch him chew his bottom lip for a second then watch it reappear slightly redder in color. Sometimes, It looks like Tim may have lipstick or like he drank red kool aid, or ate hot cheetos and got the stain of them on his mouth upon first glance. But I know that it is just the shade of his lips.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Timo, if you are uncomfortable being backwards all you have to do is say so. It is okay to voice what you want, don’t be scared. I’m not gonna chew your head off. I promise.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>My tone is nonchalant, but honestly, if it were me, my ass would be turned around watching where I was going. I have flipped out of my tube backwards before, it is not fun when you flip mid rapid and get dragged under the water for a few minutes and are struggling to get back up.  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No… I’m fine. Unless you want me to turn around? Then uh….. I can but I think I will be alright.” his voice is half confident like he wants to prove himself to me, and half unsure of himself at the same time. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“If you insist.” I reply with my eyes widening when we finally reach the rapid and begin to go over it, I yell "don't fall Timmy don't fall!" Rocking his tube with my feet.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Ahhhhh! Armie what the hell!"  Timmy screams as we go over it and he glares at me. When I start cracking up and I see his hands jerk one of them hitting me in the chest with a wet smack.It doesn’t hurt too much but I mock pain just for the benefit of making the boy laugh. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ow! You got quite the back hand there Tim was you a pimp in another life?”  I say jokingly but Timmy doesn’t see it as very funny and the joke falls flat and so does my pride. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Fucking asshole!"  he comments tossing water up into the air at me and then he goes quiet for a while. He doesn’t say much to me, he doesn’t even look at me and I sigh. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"I can be an asshole sometimes, Timmy I am sorry. That was a terrible joke, that I really shouldn’t have made.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>*20 minutes later*</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Armie….”  one of my eyes pops open to look at him. “Mm?”  I had been asleep for a good while, the water was dead but the water was high enough that we didn't have to walk. It was perfect, and the rocking motion lulled me into one of the greatest naps of my life and we managed to catch up to Olivia who had latched onto our little tube train and linked her arm over Timmy’s tube.  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I have to pee!” he whispers but there is no one else around just the three of us. Mindy was long gone, she was so far up ahead of us, we could barely see her pink bikini top. So… I don’t know why he was whispering to begin with unless he was shy about my sister hearing him. Which she wouldn’t care anyway, she was busy digging through the cooler for sunscreen. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Piss in the water.”  I mumble my voice sounding rough as I dip my hand in the water, splashing the rubber over and over with the cold droplets. The backs of my calves were starting to burn from the heat of the sun but I was too tired to move just yet. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What?!!!!!! Armie I ca-”  Timmy is about to protest but I cut him off poppin my other eye open and groan when I hear the suction of my sweaty leg muscle pop off the tube, like a suction cup. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s fine Timmy, look  the fish do it all the time. If they can piss in this river and survive in said piss then you can piss in this river too. Besides, we have been floating for a while now and you can not hold your pee forever. Just push the lower half of your body down into the tube and pee. No one is watching and no one really knows what you are doing.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I see him glance at Olivia who is rubbing sunscreen on her arm. “Liv, will you tell him it is okay to piss in the river and that no one is going to judge him for it.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I was trying to not sound irritated but Timmy was seemingly making a big deal out of something as tiny as his need to pee. I also wasn’t going to make him get up and walk on the scolding rocks bare footed, and burn his feet just to pee. That wouldn’t be right. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her brown eyes fill with sympathy when she sees Timmy holding his legs together, making them scissor. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh hun, it is perfectly fine to pee in this river. I am not going to judge you, hell we all have peed in his river at some point on this 30 minute to an hour float. If you have to go then just go.” she reaches out and pats her hand on his foot in a gesture of comfort. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I see him look to me one more time for permission and I roll my eyes. “</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Timothee Chalamet, I can handle sitting in a river other people have peed in that includes you. Now just relax, and pee man!” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>****</p>
<p>Timmy </p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘I can not believe I am doing this! Mark and Carol would find this disgusting and I wouldn’t blame them one bit.”  I feel not only embarrassed but also appalled by the relief that washed over me. I couldn’t believe that I had peed in such a beautiful river as this. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I tilt my head back and close my eyes, relaxing into the tube letting my mind focus on the sounds of the water sloshing around me. Wait…. That’s not doesn’t sound like sloshing water. That sounds like... when I open my eyes Armie is unting the rope and Olivia is releasing herself from my tube. </p>
<p>‘Wait what’s happening?!!!!! Why are they leaving me! I knew peeing in that water was a bad idea, i've grossed them out!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They must have seen the fear in my eyes because Olivia pats my hand, ”just remember to relax don’t lean back too far, and raise your butt up and you will be fine.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Wait why? Again?” That's when I feel my ass drag against tiny rocks in a very shallow part of the water. I watch Olivia lift up and sail over the side of something much larger than a rock and then Armie stands up, leaving his tube. I haven’t stopped, I’m dragging but my weight isn’t enough to stop me! </p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Oh shit!’ </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"you need to dig your feet into the rocks and stop yourself or you will go over backwards.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I hear Armie yell over the rushing sound of the water, but it sounds like white noise. I try to sit up fully and shove my heels into the ground but my feet are slick from the moss that I am touching with my feet. I turn on my stomach, and claw at the water, trying to stop by digging into the rocks with my fingers. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>My tube spins so that I am now facing Armie but my body is sideways.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> “Armie I don’t want to go down sideways, I don’t wanna go backwards! I don’t wanna go backwards!” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I am slightly panicked now this rock looks huge!  My entire body is shaking uncontrollably and my fingers slip causing me to be pushed forward.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>'no no nonononono Armie!!!!!!' </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Armie grabs the rope, wrapping it around his hand and pulls me closer to him, the tube stops right into his legs.he helps me up onto my feet but I am shaking so bad that I am literally having to lean against him to keep myself from falling over.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What in the hell is that!” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“This is the slide. Well, technically it's a concrete incline that serves as a makeshift slide with one of those metal drainage pipes sticking out of it. That is why we need to make sure you go down facing the right way. So here’s what is going to happen, I am going to hold onto your tube and you are going to sit back down facing forward. I am going to push you to the edge of the slide and then you are going to just lean back, raise your ass up and just enjoy the ride down.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>'what!!!!! Oh fuck, fuck fuck! No absolutely not nope!' </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh no, no, no, Arms I can’t.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You got this! You. Got. This. Timmy, look at me There is nothing to be scared of, I know it looks really big but I promise you, it is not as bad as it seems the water is high enough that the slant isn't that long. I'll be right behind you.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I nod still not fully trusting Armie but his words did made me only a sliver better. I was still slightly scared by how steep this “slide” was but before I could protest again. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Armie helped me into the inner tube and was already gently easing me to the edge, then before I knew it, the asshole let me go!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Ass up motherfucker!" </p>
<p> </p>
<p>"I'm gonna fucking kill you Armieeeeeeeee!" </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I scream out as I go over the side, but was once I was over fear was replaced with a sound of fun. Which surprised me, my “Ahhhhhhh!” turned into a “Woah!” and I lifted my arms up into the air, like I was on a rollercoaster, hooping it up in pure delight and laughing, my fear forgotten. I soon went sliding in my tube with a splash and I ended up spraying Olivia in the face with water. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh my god! I did it!  Did you see that!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> I exclaimed and I saw Oliver throw his hands up in a “goal!” and then in the next second I watched as his tube got away from him, and he went sliding without the tube. Ouch! When he reached the bottom he just layed in the water for a minute, and I held my breath. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Please don’t be unconscious!’ </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And that is why you go down without the tube and you go facing forward!” he yells sitting up rubbing his elbows, and his bottom after he is standing up. </p>
<p>******</p>
<p>One hour later…</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh man that was so much fun can we go again!” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Olivia and I were in the kitchen she was making herself a pb&amp;j sandwich and me a turkey sandwich while Mindy was watching TV in the living room. </p>
<p> </p>
<p> Armie had decided to take a much needed nap, he had sunburned his legs during the float that he was having trouble walking some.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I myself managed to get sunburned but I wasn’t surprised that I did, my skin has always been pale. Even when I would be constantly outside at my parents house. I would always manage to burn and then after, my skin would tan a little but nothing like Olivia's tanned skin. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You did really well for your first time Timo. You did a lot better than Armie did when he was a kid. That’s for sure!”  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>She puts the ingredients away and together we sit down at the large wooden table to eat lunch. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Really?" </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh yeah,” she continued on and I listened intently as I ate my sandwich. “ When we were kids, Oliver hated the slide. Every single time, it never failed. We would get up there, he would throw a massive fit until our mom would have to walk him down the side of it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“When did he finally go down?” I asked my words muffled by the fluffy bread that was stuck on the roof of my mouth for the moment. I was trying to be sneaky and not gross Olivia out at the same time. I swallowed my bite and drank a bottle of water to wash it down with. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Olivia taps her chin in thought. "Oh I would say… when he was about 15 or 16. It took him awhile but once he realized it wasn't as bad as he was making it out to be, that was when he started going down the slide more often and helping others down it." </p>
<p> </p>
<p>As I listened to Olivia talk about her brother I come to realize that Carol had been right about Armie. Maybe he wasn’t such a Hollywood snob after all. But someone who was kind and very helpful, and someone I was wanting to get to know more of.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading! </p>
<p> </p>
<p>This chapter was getting pretty long so in this next chapter you will learn about the Texas Sweetheart. So I know that this next chapter will be rated M for the graphic nature of which the Sweetheart is described. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Also some more interaction between Armie and Timothee.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. The Texas Sweetheart</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Timmy learns about a little of Armie's past and learns the secret of the Texas Sweetheart.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this chapter is rated M due to the drinking, and smoking of pot, as well as the subjects that are spoken while doing so XD Also “the texas sweetheart” is an inside joke between me and family members, however I thought it would be cool to share, the story behind it thought is completely fiction though I wouldn’t put it past some really drunk people to do this. XD so Warning! What you are about to hear please don’t try it at home you can and will injure yourself.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p>Chapter 6: The Texas Sweetheart</p><p>Summary: Timmy learns about Oliver’s past and learns the secret of the Texas Sweetheart. Oliver finds a tiny bit of inspiration surrounded by the fire, with his notebook and pencil. </p><p>Note: this chapter is rated M due to the drinking, and smoking of pot, as well as the subjects that are spoken while doing so XD Also “the texas sweetheart” is an inside joke between me and family members, however I thought it would be cool to share, the story behind it thought is completely fiction though I wouldn’t put it past some really drunk people to do this. XD so Warning! What you are about to hear please don’t try it at home you can and will injure yourself. </p><p> </p><p>Oliver</p><p>My ears fill with the sound of laughter, talking, crickets chirping, and the unmistakable sound of an ice chest opening, and closing, the sounds of footsteps coming and going from the cabin. I can also hear the soft tak tak tak of a pencil going across paper when the paper is thin and the lead is hitting on the table. </p><p> </p><p>‘What is going on? And who the fuck is being so loud?’</p><p> </p><p>I sit up and the moment my feet hit the tile, pain shoots up through my legs and I immediately sit back down, with a groan of pain. I forgot about my damn sunburn, my skin is so fucking tight that I can feel it pulling. I fall back on the bed, and throw my arm over my eyes in defeat, the room a pitch black no lights on in the room besides the light that is in the living room. </p><p> </p><p>“I should have worn more fucking sunscreen.”  I chide myself as I stay put on the bed for just a minute or two longer. </p><p> </p><p>That’s when I hear the unmistakable sound of someone coughing then I hear Timmy’s voice say, “Okay Liv.” and then the shut of the front door, then more footsteps this time coming closer to my bedroom door. </p><p> </p><p>‘Timmy’s still here? I thought he would be gone by now… does his parent’s know that he’s been here this long? And what about Mindy is she still here too? You know what… forget Mindy just focus on getting your ass out of this bed.’ </p><p> </p><p>“Timmy.” I call out his head pops in between the door and the frame, making light flood through the crack. The fluorescent light’s bright glow splitting into the room, lighting up the left side of my face. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey! You okay?”  He was dressed in his clothes that he showed up in with a bright smile on his face, that for a second makes me forget why I had called for him in the first place. His hair was dry so his curls were extra curly, and his clothes were slightly wrinkled from being tossed on the floor or so I had assumed. </p><p> </p><p>“Armie?”  </p><p> </p><p>This time he comes fully into the room blocking the light, he walks to me again like he is drunk and without hesitation or even a thought, I feel him touch my hand. Our eyes meet for a few seconds, I feel a warmth go through my fingers and spread through my hand then I feel a vibration. </p><p> </p><p>“Timmy, you’re shaking again. Are you alright? I couldn’t help but ask since he was freaking out earlier and shaking in the same manner. </p><p> </p><p>I find myself wanting to ask why again as I had wanted to when we had been in the bathroom together but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I didn’t want to come off as rude or get into someone else’s business at the same time. I did want Timmy to be comfortable enough to tell me what was going on with him and why he shook so much. I had a theory as to why but I didn’t voice it, I wanted to be sure first.<br/>
His hand quickly lets go of mine and the warmth is gone. “Um… d..did you need something Armie? Olivia wanted me to come get you, she said that dinner would be ready soon. But um… I need to get going.” </p><p> </p><p>“Going?” I was confused. “Timmy if I did something to make you…”</p><p> </p><p>A surprised look comes over his face and he shakes his head quickly reassuring me that it wasn’t because of me.  “Oh no no, Arms! It no… heh it's not like that at all. I have to go home to take my medicine, before I have to go to bed.”  </p><p> </p><p>“Oh. well, could you go get Olivia for me? If you don’t mind.”  my voice is soft, slightly above a whisper having just woke up, my throat feels dry and scratchy, eyes watering from yawning. </p><p> </p><p>When he turns to leave the room to do as I ask, I call to him again and he turns around looking back at me over his shoulder. </p><p> </p><p>“Tim…” </p><p> </p><p>“Yes?” his voice sounded a little nervous filled with anticipation maybe. That is what it sounded like to my ears as I was trying to sit up. </p><p> </p><p>“You will come back? Won’t you? I feel bad for falling asleep on you and leaving you at the hands of my sister.” I say sheepishly, running my fingers over my hair as he tilts his chin down, and turns his head away. He seemed to be pondering the very idea of coming back over here. </p><p> </p><p>“Sure.”  </p><p> </p><p>he gave me a reassuring smile and proceeded to wobble out of the doorway, walking off to fetch Olivia. I could hear the soft slaps of his feet as he walked. It sounded like a steady cadence of  a child that was overly excited and was attempting to run but was off step. </p><p> </p><p>Minutes later Olivia comes into the room and informs me that Kimberly and the others have arrived. </p><p>“What time is it?” I hold my hand out and she grabs it pulling me up onto my feet.The tightness surfaces again and I grit my teeth, as Liv puts my arm around her shoulder. Together we walk slowly out of the bedroom and make our way into the living room area, the tile is cold on the bottom of my feet. </p><p> </p><p>“It’s 8:30pm. They got here, I wanna say three hours after I woke up from my nap. Then again, there is no telling with them. You know they are always late to things when Zack is behind the wheel.” </p><p> </p><p>‘Damn I slept that long!’</p><p> </p><p> We make our  way to the front door, slowly but surely. I am trying my best to stretch my legs as we walk the pain eases little by little. Right now, it only hurts when I stop so I continue to walk until we get to the front door and I turn the door knob, pulling the door open. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey there he is!”  Mindy exclaims running to me and throwing her arms around me, kissing my cheek before stepping back. </p><p> </p><p>I can see Kimberly, Zack, 2 girls and 4 men sitting in the other chairs, over by the fire pit that is in front of the cabin. Kimberly waves at me a smile, coming to her as she holds up a beer in her hand, and a bag of opened marshmallows. While Timmy was sitting in one of the chairs, munching on a marshmallow, he smiled at me, his mouth full and a pill bottle in his lap. </p><p> </p><p>‘Did he walk home all by himself? Or did Carol come and pick him up?’</p><p> </p><p>“Are you going to just stand there? or are you going to come join the party?” Zack yells holding out a joint in his hand.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s about time you got here, took you long enough.”</p><p> </p><p> I mutter laying my head against my sister’s shoulder as she helps me walk out to one of the empty chairs, as the other people in his group say their hello’s and give me hugs. </p><p> </p><p>I sit down next to Timmy who snags the bag of marshmallows when it is passed around the circle. He pulls one out and pops it into his mouth, he looks at me and wiggles his eyebrows. I shake my head and gently squeeze his left shoulder, with my left hand, as I slowly prop up my legs on one of the coolers next to the chair. </p><p> </p><p>“Sooo Timmy, I’ve never seen you around here before, where are you from?” Kimberly asks, taking the joint from Zack. She puts the joint to her lips and inhales, as she looks at him. </p><p> </p><p>“I am from here, I live caddy corner from here at the Chalamet house.”  </p><p> </p><p>I hear the shy introverted side of Timmy coming out again. The first time I heard it was when we first met on the road and during the time we were in the bathroom. I couldn’t tell if it was because he was nervous, around this new group of people that I have known my whole life. Or if it was due to the fact that he was being put under the spotlight. </p><p> </p><p>“Don’t you have somewhere to be Timothee?” Mindy comments as she digs out a beer, popping the lid off of the bottle with a bottle opener. Her expression held annoyance basically saying, “Go away! You are ruining the vibe” I didn’t mind Timmy being here I loved him being here. I didn’t feel out of place or pressured to be a fake version of myself around mine and Olivia’s friends.</p><p> </p><p>“Nope!” he says quickly smirking at her and she rolls her eyes, clearly not happy with his defiance to leave the group as the others begin to ask Timothee questions. </p><p> </p><p>“Chalamet? That is french isn’t it?” one of the other boy’s asked, grabbing another beer out of the cooler sitting next to him. He looked like a typical surfer, dark brown hair, short in length, he was dressed in jean shorts and a white tank top. </p><p> </p><p>“Duh!” Mindy pipes up with a laugh my mother is french and my father is american or do you not remember me telling you that last year Jacob?”</p><p> </p><p>“Oooo so do you speak french?” one of the girls who was sitting across from me, the fire reflecting in her eyes, as she leaned forward, her chin resting in her palm, with her elbow propped up on her left knee.</p><p> </p><p>I make a motion with my hand for Zack to pass the joint around to me and he nods giving it to one of the girls, who passes it around and Olivia gives it to me. I take it from her and put the weed to my lips inhaling deeply, shutting my eyes for a second letting the smoke rest within my lungs before blowing it out in a short steady stream. </p><p> </p><p>Timmy’s eyes are on me then, I can feel the curious energy come off of him and attach to me. The thought of whether or not he could handle smoking made me curious now. Did he smoke? I had never seen him smoke before, the whole time that we were together today. </p><p> </p><p>"Yes I do speak french actually. I um... taught myself when I was ten." </p><p> </p><p>He looks at me and I gently pat his shoulder, giving him a light smile and hope to ease the anxiety that is in the air between us. </p><p> </p><p>“That’s really hot! I love different languages. I think french is the most romantic language I have ever heard in my life. I used to date someone in college, who spoke french sadly, we broke up after only dating for a month.” one of the group confesses, looking at Timmy.</p><p>Timmy blushes and I feel a light slap against my right arm. I look at Timmy wondering if he did that to get my attention, but when I see him frown, his eyebrows drawing close together and a silent apology hanging in the air, I want to take his hand and hold it. To be a comforting gesture to help him relax. </p><p> </p><p>'its okay Timmy you're safe here. I know it can be a little awkward right now but these people are good.' </p><p> </p><p>That's when Mindy comes walking over and grabs another beer out of one of the coolers then proceeds to sit directly on my lap, putting her legs on top of mine. At that moment I wanted to scream but I didn't</p><p> </p><p>She is clearly staking her claim on something that isn't hers but she looks directly at Timmy who once again shys away from me. His hands go immediately inside of his hoodie and his eyes go to the marshmallow bag. </p><p>.<br/>
"Mindy could you get off of me please. You're on my sunburn and it hurts." </p><p> </p><p>"Oh I'm so sorry Armie!" She exclaims like she didn't know what she was doing. Playing dumb, she swings her legs over to the side as if I am some damn swivel chair, her ass moves against my sweat pants as she slides off of me.</p><p> </p><p>My sister looks over at me with a raised eyebrow and I blush thankful that the fire is distracting everyone. </p><p>For the next hour or so I sit back, with a joint in my mouth once it’s passed already around the circle a few times. I listen to them drone on and on about childhood memories. That happened to all of us when we were children and Timmy glances at me, and I wink at him. </p><p> </p><p>I feel him hit me again with his hand and this time make the subtle move closer to him so that I am just an inch closer to his chair. I do this so when he jerks his hands won't be as obvious. Or so I am hoping not out of embarrassment for Timmy just to help ease any discomfort he has emotionally. </p><p> </p><p>“Okay in my defense, the pencil was blunt when i threw it into the ceiling and I was bored! What else did you expect me to do! It was detention and Kimberly thought it was cool.”  I say pulling it away for a moment. </p><p> </p><p>Olivia tosses a piece of chocolate at me and I end up catching it in my mouth. “Yes but who was it that got grounded for the entire ordeal? Hm??? Yeah, that was me, big brother!” </p><p> </p><p>For half of the night Timmy  gets to hear all kinds of stories from the a sorted childhood crushes, to the most embarrassing stories that make me want to crawl under the very rocks under our chairs. All of the others laughed their asses off and I found myself laughing too.  </p><p> </p><p>“Did you really do that Armie?!” Tim is both surprised and amazed by the stories, I could see all of his emotions playing out on his face. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, he did!” Olivia replies, nearly choking on her drink from laughing so hard. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey Arms, have you told Timmy about the Texas sweetheart? I think he would love that story.” </p><p> </p><p>Zack replied with a smirk, as he placed his hands up stretching. “It is Timmy's first time being here within our friend group and all.” I hear him chuckle and watch him stand up, making his way in the cabin to use the restroom. </p><p> </p><p>“Who is Texas sweetheart?”   </p><p> </p><p>“Not who Timmy, what. The Texas sweetheart,” I began turning my head to look at him, his eyes focused on me intently, his hands folded, chin resting on his forearms, curls hanging around his face. </p><p>Timmy </p><p>At first when I heard the words, “texas sweetheart” I thought that it was a stripper’s name, I thought it was an actual person or someone that Armie  had a thing for when he was a teenager. That proved to be different when I heard the story behind it and I couldn’t help but laugh because Armie  looked me in the eyes. </p><p> </p><p>“When I was 17 years old, a buddy of mine got really drunk one night while we were here. I am talking drunk off his ass so much that he couldn’t walk straight and he decided that it was going to be a good idea to take a cactus to bed. Got thorns all over his hand, So it has become a right of passage for all first timers, mostly the men have to go out and find the Texas sweetheart.” </p><p> </p><p>I cringe at the picture being painted for me, though it is not that hard to figure out. Masterbation with a cactus yeah no… just… not going there at all. Nope, nope, nope not doing it. </p><p> </p><p>I rub my throat up and down with my hand slowly, my eyes looking up at the sky as if I have a sudden interest in it. I don’t want to look him in the eyes,</p><p> </p><p>“So where and how do you find a Texas sweetheart?”  I dared to ask finally able to look at him again, thankfully he was eating a marshmallow. </p><p> </p><p>“You find it around the area, it grows all over this place.”  one of the other guys in the group, I think his name was Anthony, spoke up, poking at the fire with the stick he was using. </p><p> </p><p>Olivia had introduced me to everyone beforehand while Armie was dead to the world but, I have trouble remembering names instead of faces. So by the fourth hour I had already forgotten most of them which I felt bad for doing so, they all seemed like really cool people. </p><p> </p><p>I felt Armie tap my shoulder and I learned over in my chair, thinking he was going to tell me something instead he motions for me to follow him. Slowly getting up from his chair, he uses it to help himself up onto his feet. I hear him take a breath in suddenly. </p><p> </p><p>‘What is wrong with his legs?’ </p><p>“Come on I know where one is.”  he holds his hand out for me and I grab ahold of it and with effort he pulls me to my feet. Then he lets go of my hand and out of habit of me trying to balance myself, I hold my arms out to my sides, then fix my legs accordingly making my legs wider than my hips and sigh softly.<br/>
‘I am so tired of doing this I look completely ridiculous and very very stupid. I know someone is just going to…’</p><p> </p><p>“Hey what’s wrong with your legs?”  </p><p> </p><p>One of the girl’s sitting next to Mindy who was making s'more asks and I know that she isn’t trying to be mean, by asking the question. But this question comes up a lot and I do mean a lot, I can hide my hands, it’s no big deal but my legs are like a huge red light blinking non stop that is like “hey! Look at me! Yes! Look right here and make comments! I am broken and can’t walk right! Honk honk honk”  </p><p> </p><p>“Karla!”  Olivia snaps. “I’m sorry Timmy, she is a nosy person.” </p><p> </p><p>“What! I am just curious! We have been here for a few hours now and his feet are crooked, and I have seen him walking funny all night. I just want to know what happened to him.”  </p><p> </p><p>She defends by shrugging her shoulders while taking a drink of her beer that is now half empty. </p><p> </p><p>“I-”  I’m about to open my mouth but Olivia holds her hand up, stopping me as she becomes serious all of the sudden. </p><p> </p><p>“No Timmy, you do not have to explain yourself to our friends. Karla you know better.”  the know better is what catches my attention. I have heard these words when Carol is defending me when Mindy is fighting with me about my very disability or for when she is trying to tell the world about it. </p><p> </p><p>“Olivia, it’s alright really! Please, you don’t have to defend me. It’s okay.”  I try to defuse the situation before it gets any worse, I don’t want this to be a big deal because it isn’t a big deal to me. I know my legs are messed up and I know people are going to talk and point, there is nothing I can do about it. So I ignore it but when it is pointed out, in this situation, I just look at Armie with a soft pleading look of “get me out of here please.”</p><p> </p><p>Armie seems to get it and we slowly and I do mean slowly walk together away from the group. One slow painful step at a time, and when I look up I can see Armie trying to keep it together as we hear the group fight back and forth about me telling and not telling about my disability and then….</p><p> </p><p>“Timmy has acp! It means his legs are funny and that he walks funny so he is basically retarded.” Mindy blurts out, matter of factly.<br/>
I stop mid step and nearly fall into Armie’s back when he stops too and I can’t take it anymore, she has done nothing but belittle me, making fun of my disability and hurt me ever since I got here. It is not my fault that I was born with this disability and it is not my fault that nothing will change this. Not a drug, a miracle from god nothing…</p><p> </p><p>“Mindy shut the fuck up! Just shut the fuck up and leave me alone! You have no idea what it is like for someone like me to live with a prissy stuck up bitch like you! Yes, my legs are fucked up news flash!<br/>
They can see it for themselves they don’t need you to fucking broadcast it to the universe. No I am not retarded!”</p><p> </p><p>“Timmy…..”</p><p> </p><p>I already don’t have control of my hands but I am so angry that I can’t stop the violent shakiness that I know is to come and I know I should stop. But once I start I can’t seem to shut my own mouth, it all just comes out in one go as I begin to sniffle.</p><p> </p><p>“Tim….”   Armie’s voice is soft, oddly calm when it comes out and I feel his hand touching my lower back, he has a grip on my shirt and is gently keeping me upright. </p><p> </p><p>“For those of you who are dying to know, do you want to tell them about the fact that I can’t write on my own! Or the fact that I can’t sometimes feed myself because I jerk so goddamn bad that I can’t be still! Go ahead Mindy since you know all about me and my “condition”  since you are such an expert on something that you don’t even fucking have.”</p><p> </p><p>Mindy is quiet just staring at me. The whole entire group is looking at me and I know I am crying but I don’t care right now, all I want is to get out of there. To never see Mindy’s ugly face ever again, I feel the negative thoughts creeping in again and I jerk away from Armie completely, causing me to fall down on the ground and thankfully not the stones. </p><p> </p><p>“Don’t fucking touch me! I don’t need any of your help.” I snap through the tears, when Armie bends down through his own pain to help me. </p><p> </p><p>“Timmy… please, let me help you. If you want to go home I can take you home, but I am not comfortable with you walking across the road in the middle of the night by yourself. Just please.” </p><p> </p><p>I shove him away and force myself onto my hands and feet, wiping my nose with the sleeve of my hoodie, sniffling and scrubbing the tears away in irritation and anger. I walk away from the group not saying a word. </p><p> </p><p>Olivia becomes angered then and decides to open her mouth and throw her two cents in. I can’t hear what she is saying but I know she is angry and talking to my sister harshly. It would serve her right. she is a bitch a lot of the time.  </p><p> </p><p>I end up falling a good five times before I finally just stop walking all together and settle with my back against a tree. I only made it across the gravel road that leads to the entrance of these particular set of cabins before you get to the main road with the large tree in the middle of it. </p><p> </p><p>“How did this day become the best day of my life to the worst night of my life?” I muse to myself, tilting my head back looking up at the star filled sky. Taking deep slow breaths to calm myself down.</p><p> </p><p>*******</p><p>Armie </p><p> </p><p>“Mindy go home.” my sister says sternly, pointing her finger in the direction across the street and Mindy doesn’t budge. </p><p> </p><p>“What? Why? I didn’t do-” </p><p> </p><p>“I don’t like let alone tolerate the use of the r word around my family and I certainly don’t tolerate people who do not respect someone who has a disability! Whether it be visible or not.” </p><p> </p><p>Mindy scoffs crossing her arms over her chest in defiance. “Well it’s the truth! He is retarded I don’t know why people are always on my case about him! He is nothing but a-” </p><p> </p><p>“I dont’ give a flying fuck what you think Mindy Elizabeth Chalamet! You don’t go around outing people like that when it is not your place to speak about it and you don’t do it in a display of dramatics as you did. If Timmy wanted us to know about his disability then he would have every right to say so on his terms! Not yours! And the next time you use the r word around my family again, we are done being friends do you hear me! I am not going to associate myself with someone who is disrespectful and childish who is supposed to be a 21 year old adult!”</p><p>“But I-” </p><p> </p><p>“Leave Mindy! Now! Or I’m going to call your parents and before you make another snarky remark like I know you are going to do. You are more of a damn child than an adult if you think that tearing another human being down like what you just did is okay!” </p><p> </p><p>My sister’s relationship with the r word is something that she has always had an issue with over the years. She doesn’t like that word at all even when it is a literal musical term or not, she just can’t stand someone saying it. Whether it is meant to be in a derogatory way or not. </p><p> </p><p>The last time someone called me the r word my sister broke a grown man’s nose punching him directly in the face and I had to pull her off of the guy. What she was doing was sticking up for me as she always does, and it happened when we were at a restaurant. </p><p> </p><p>We were arguing back and forth about who was going to pay the bill this time. Silly, I know, but I didn’t want my sister constantly paying for me. It wouldn’t be fair so I decided that I was going to try and count money that day and this guy saw me struggling as people often do, it was someone who just so happened to have gone to school with me and Olivia and knew about my disability with money and they made the comment. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey Armie do you need your sister to hold your dick while you piss too or are you enough of a big boy to do that on your own?” </p><p> </p><p>Now I will admit, I could have stopped my sister right then and just told her to let it go, it wasn’t worth it. But that day I just decided “eh what the hell. He needs a good asswhoopin” and just let her do her thing.</p><p> </p><p>She stood up and punched him directly in the nose and the second he was gushing blood I said. “Hey Marco you need a tampon? You wouldn’t want all these nice people to know that you started your period. How embarrassing.” </p><p> </p><p>I smirk as my sister takes me by the hand and we walk out of the restaurant leaving the nice waitress a tip before heading out the door. </p><p> </p><p>So while my sister was tearing Mindy a new asshole I took it upon myself to go look for Timmy to make sure that he was okay and that he didn’t fall down in the middle of the road again. Or something worse happened to him. </p><p>It didn’t take me very long to find him. Thanks to the moon I could see him clear as daylight, slumped up against a tree, with his head tilted back, his legs out in front of him. He seemed to be humming something.</p><p> </p><p>“Timmy?”  </p><p> </p><p>“Come to gawk at the sideshow attraction?” his comment stings my chest as he sniffs, he had obviously started crying again. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey come on, that’s not fair. I haven’t done anything to you to deserve that attitude.”  I want to sit down next to him but I’m afraid if i do, then I won’t be able to get back up on my own. So I settle for trying to make Timmy laugh by walking in a constant circle like a dork so I don’t go into pain with my legs. </p><p> </p><p>“What the fuck are you doing?” he raises an eyebrow at me and I play it off casually, seeing his mouth pull up slightly and he is trying not to smile. </p><p> </p><p>“I am exercising. Didn’t anybody ever tell you, walking in circles is the new trend nowadays, forget walking in a straight line, or running miles. You can now lose all the weight you want just by going in circles.”  </p><p> </p><p>I say in that sales pitch voice that comes on during commercials, when they want you to buy some product that really doesn’t work. yet they are going to sell the hell out of it to make it seem like it will. </p><p> </p><p>He sniffles again and I see him wipe his eyes with his sleeve. “You are such a dork Armie Hammer. You do realize that right?” and then I finally got to see that smile, I saw on the river. </p><p> </p><p>“It's never bad to get a reminder every once in a while.”  I am still walking around and around this time, going backwards, with him intently watching me. “Nah, I actually came to see if you still wanted to see the cactus. It’s not too far from where you are if you still want to see it.”</p><p> </p><p>Timmy bites the corner of his lip and slowly thinks it over in his mind, then with determination I watch him get up, using the tree for balance and walk over to me, his hands in his pockets. </p><p>“If I go see the cactus with you…” he trails off, tilting his head up to look at me with innocence in his eyes. “Will you promise to stop walking in circles? He seems slightly annoyed by my circling but there is a smile in his voice that says otherwise.<br/>
It is a slow process due to my legs being sunburned and all tight muscled but I  am bound and determined for Timmy, to see this plant for himself. I don’t know why I am so excited for this to happen. I feel goofy that I am actually smiling about this. </p><p> </p><p>“I know it’s around here somewhere, where the hell is it?”  I hear Timmy pulling out his cell phone using it as a flashlight, as I follow close beside him, our feet shuffling through leaves, rocks, and twigs from the branches of fallen tree branches too loose to stay attached to the tree itself.</p><p> </p><p>“I found one!" I said a little too enthusiastically and Timmy snickers.  “Excited?” he teases, giving me a small bump of his elbow to my side. </p><p> </p><p> “C'mere you have to close your eyes and no peeking or it's gonna ruin the experience for you.” </p><p> </p><p>“Seriously?” He gives me a skeptical look putting his hands on his slender hips, trying his best to stay still as he does. </p><p> </p><p>“Seriously. Just close your eyes will you.”  </p><p> </p><p>The light of Timmy’s phone is tilted down at the ground, illuminating his  feet, the entirety of his upper body is a silhouette and I take him by the hand, and guide him to the cactus, making sure that no part of his hand touches the thorns on either side of it. </p><p> </p><p>“Ready?”  </p><p> </p><p>“For what?!” </p><p> </p><p>******</p><p>Timmy </p><p> </p><p>I feel him position my hand close to something cold and the feeling causes me to pull my hand back out of nerves, my fingers trembling within his own hand. I swallow, “What?” I ask when he guides my hand again.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re not gonna get pricked Timmy. I promise you, I’ve done this myself, Relax your hand and let me control it.”  he laughs and I pout. “Why are you laughing at me? I can’t see anything and I have only you to guide me! So yeah, I have every right to be a little scared.”  I snap with a soft huff. “Besides… I… I can’t control them anyway.” </p><p> </p><p>Slowly I begin to feel something wet, cold, sticky and up against my fingers, then I feel my fingers go slightly deeper into it. It is a very strange yet, erotic sensation on my fingers, why? It feels similar to… my body reacts to the sensation, I squirm slightly almost taking a step back but Armie’s body is right behind me, steadying me so I don’t fall backwards. </p><p> </p><p>The sensation of it reminds me of breaking open a piece of fruit like a peach or an apricot. How you tear it open pressing your fingers into it, while trying to dig the pit out of it. That same sticky sensation, the juices sliding down my fingers, to my wrist and down, my arm. </p><p> </p><p>That is what touching this felt like. </p><p> </p><p>"This feels so weird." I giggle trying not to squirm from the feeling of my fingers sliding back.</p><p> </p><p>Then the sensation is gone and it leaves my fingers wet and I open my eyes, I stare down at the cactus and I notice that there is a slit in it. The cactus was cut into a vagina. </p><p> </p><p>'now that is clever I would have never come up with something like that.'</p><p> </p><p>"You are officially a man now Timmy." Armie grins patting my shoulder, I want to lean in and lay my cheek on his hand but I don't. Instead I snorted and hit him in the arm playfully smirking at him, we went back and forth pushing each other gently just lightly playing with each other. My mood lifting little by little until I was no longer thinking about what happened with my sister.</p><p> </p><p>"That is what the big deal was about a damn cactus filled with water! I swear who in the hell came up with such a stupid tradition anyway?" </p><p> </p><p>We both jump at Olivia’s voice and quickly move away from each other trying to be nonchalant about the whole ordeal as if I didn’t just finger a cactus.</p><p> </p><p>"And this is why only the males of the group get to do this."  Armie sticks his tongue out at his sister.<br/>
That gets us all laughing and I feel this weird sense of pride in myself that I haven't before as the three of us walk back to the cabin and back to the others who are waiting for us.</p><p> </p><p>As we do I wipe my hand on my pants and Armie informs them that he is going to drive me home so that I am not walking in darkness. </p><p> </p><p>"So… Timmy  how was it?" Zack asks his arms going behind his head, legs crossed over each other as he eyes me up and down.</p><p> </p><p>"Fine. It was um…. Interesting but fine."  My voice nearly quiet as Armie and I look at each other briefly exchanging blushes with each other.</p><p> </p><p>I watch Olivia make her way over to Kimberly and sit down on her legs using her as a chair, that brooding expression on her face. </p><p> </p><p>"It's not as big a deal as these boys make it out to be! " She complains to her crossing her arms crossing over her chest nose tilted to the sky. </p><p> </p><p>"You were the one that wanted to see it Liv you can't blame me if you didn't get what you expected baby sis."  Armie says hold his hands up in defence as if to block her cold glares. </p><p> </p><p>The others laugh and I say goodbye to all of them then Armie and I head to their jeep, where I climb into the passenger seat and watch him climb into the driver’s seat. He starts the car and we pull out onto the white gravel driveway, going through the open black metal gate and driving the short distance to my cabin. </p><p> </p><p>The lights were still on so I knew that Carol was probably waiting up for me as she normally did before she went to sleep. </p><p> </p><p>When we arrive and Armie stops the car, the air of awkwardness hits us and I turn to him wanting to say something… but I close my mouth just when we are about to both talk at the same time. </p><p> </p><p>‘This is really awkward what do I say…. Thanks for letting me go on the river with you guys. Oh! And I almost forgot thanks for showing me how to finger a cactus!  No no no, you can’t say that!’</p><p>Armie saves me by talking first. “Thanks for coming to the river with us Timmy, I had a lot of fun with you and I am proud of you for going down the slide on your first try. Scared or not it was badass.” </p><p> </p><p>I should have said “thank you for inviting me and I had a good time too.” what I end up saying instead is...</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks for letting me finger your cactus.” </p><p> </p><p>Armie chuckles and turns his head to look at me, coming closer to me. “Come over tomorrow and I’ll let you finger the cactus all you want.” he teases reaching out he ruffles my hair with a cheeky little grin on his face. “Good night, Timmy.” </p><p> </p><p>“Goodnight, Armie.” I get out of the car and push the door shut, he stays there until Carol opens the front door and helps me into the house. Then I watch him drive away through the window of the living room, with a new sense of something that I couldn’t put my finger on at the time. </p><p> </p><p>That night when I was in my room alone, ready for bed, I grabbed my computer and began to type a new entry. </p><p> </p><p>June 1st, 2020</p><p>Dear journal<br/>
today I met the Hammers and I have to say they are nothing like what I had expected them to be. They are both really sweet and kind, funny too! At first, I thought they were this really snobby husband and wife well, it turns out they are actually brother and sister. Can you believe that! Armie and Olivia are some of the coolest people I have ever met well, second coolest the first being my friend Charlie. To them it’s like my disability doesn’t even exist, I am treated no different than them which shocks me. </p><p>Stupid Mindy outed me today about my disability now I am unsure of what Armie thinks of me ugh! Why do I have to deal with this every day for once I would love to be normal. </p><p>Ps. tonight I fingered a cactus, please don’t judge me it’s not like I fucked a peach or something…. XD</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I thought I would explain why Timmy has a computer for his "journal" instead of an actual journal. Since people with ACP have trouble with coordination it can be very difficult to write with pens and pencils. So I thought it would be a cool idea to have Timmy type out the entries by a computer instead. To give this Timmy in this story some independence. </p><p>Thanks for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Closer To You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>After what happened last night Armie becomes nervous that Timmy has been scared off and doesn’t think that he will show up to their side of the street anymore. Due to his sister’s little talk with Mindy, and their overly curious friends, Timmy proves to be stronger than he seems and proves it by showing up. When Armie’s sister has to run to the store, Timmy takes the opportunity presented to him and the two boys escape the house to spend time together. Slowly Timmy opens up about his issues and the ever patient Armie listens just to find out that they may have more in common than they realize.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>the title of this chapter comes from “Closer To You” by Adelitas Way</p><p>Which I do not own obviously 🤣</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Armie </p><p> </p><p>“Daddy!!!!!” </p><p> </p><p>A collection of tiny voices scream over the small phone screen, their little faces taking up the entire screen as they all try to fit themselves on the living room couch. Harper wins out of the other two children as usual and she holds the phone in her tiny hands, showing me that her front tooth is gone.</p><p> </p><p>“Daddy lookie I lost a tooth! The tooth fairy is gonna come visit me!”  She beams her eyes shining with excitement that both melts my heart and makes me wish I was there with them. </p><p> </p><p>Harper continues to talk about her day at school and I just lean back against the driver’s seat, quietly taking in everything that she is saying with open ears. While at the same time, watching Ford dance or attempt to dance with Angel to some music video that is on tv. </p><p> </p><p>“Daddy when are you coming home? I miss you!” </p><p> </p><p>“I miss you all very much Harps. Right now, daddy is with aunty Olivia up at the cabin so it may be a little while. Unless, momma wants to bring you up here to see me.”</p><p> </p><p>Then the idea of Timmy meeting my children comes to my mind and for an instant I can see the six of us all hanging out together. Playing on the tree swing, playing board games, floating the river, staying up late telling bedtime stories, and making s’mores together by the fire pit. </p><p> </p><p>‘ Hold your horses there cowboy, you’ve only known Timmy a full day and you still have to deal with the bomb shell he threw at you last night. Walk before we run yes? Yes. That is exactly what I will do. Not to mention having to deal with Rebecca and informing her of you wanting Timmy to meet the children. How do you think she is going to take that? Good point.” </p><p> </p><p>My inner worry is broken by the sudden multiple “da da da da da” coming from my son and when I look back at the screen Ford has the remote in his mouth, chewing on it. </p><p> </p><p>Angel and Harper’s laughter fill the car and I start laughing myself, they never fail to put a smile on my face. I watch the girls try to wrestle the remote away from their brother while he gives them a good babblish talking  complete with mouth bubbles. </p><p> </p><p>“Harper give the phone to Angel please.”  </p><p> </p><p>When she does as she is told Ford has abandoned the tv remote and opted to chew on his blue blanket with ducks on it and a random thought pops into my head, of Charlie Brown. </p><p> </p><p>“Yes dad?”  Angel moves away from the living room and I watch her run to her room, shutting the door behind her so she can hear me better. </p><p> </p><p>“Angel how has your mom been? Is she doing okay?” </p><p> </p><p>“Um… she is fine. But she seems stressed out by something but she won’t tell me what it is. My guess is it's typical social media drama then again, I saw mom talking to some guy outside on the front lawn the other day and she has been going out a lot and leaving us with grandma more often. What about you dad? Are you okay?” </p><p> </p><p>That’s my Angel bug, always worrying about other people’s needs before her own. Sometimes I worry that if she continues to worry for others and take care of others, that she will not have time to herself and that is something that I am learning is very important on this trip. </p><p> </p><p>“Yes, Angel I am perfectly okay. I just miss you guys. What do you think about coming to visit me at the cabin some time? You haven’t been up here since you were little and I would love it if you guys could stay with me and your aunt for a little bit or at least the weekend. But we need to talk to your mom first before we make any arrangements or plan something so she doesn’t spring last minute decisions on us.”</p><p> </p><p>She nods and I give her a smile. "Well Angel bug, I think you better go give your mother her phone back. you know how attached she is to it." </p><p> </p><p>She giggles. "So are you daddy so… you can't say too much about mom." </p><p> </p><p>When Angel disappears and Rebecca reappears in the frame, I tell her about my plan for them to come up. </p><p> </p><p>"You know that is not a bad idea, I will bring them up there the fourth of july. I have to work through June and the children will be excited to play with fireworks." </p><p> </p><p>“Sounds good to me. Look um… I have to go but could you please put the kids back on for a second. I want to say goodbye to them.”</p><p> </p><p>She simply nods at me not really arguing or denying and I wasn’t about to ask about the man she was seeing. Quite frankly it is none of my business but in the back of my mind, I did wonder who she was bringing my kids around and if they were a nice person or not. </p><p> </p><p>*****</p><p>After my morning talk with the kids I was feeling better and in high spirits, I was listening to the radio on full blast. Singing my little heart out to “you give love a bad name” when I see the Chalamet’s car pull up into their driveway. </p><p> </p><p>‘Timmy’s back!’</p><p> </p><p>Here lately I have been noticing that the Chalamets have been coming and going lately most times... Timmy is with them and other times he is nowhere to be found. I thought it was because he was trying to avoid me or that what happened scared him into not coming back over, after my sister tore into Mindy with her overprotective sisterness. When he comes out of the car waving and is all smiles at me as I drive past to go to the cabin, I think differently.</p><p> </p><p>“Armie! Hey! Armie!”  Timmy’s voice carries across the street and I turn around to see him waving his arms at me when I get out of the car, shutting the door and walking to the edge of the road. </p><p> </p><p>“Why are you yelling?” I yell back across the street feeling like one of them damn rams from brother bear, who is telling the other to shut up. </p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know!”  he shouts back and I watch him turn to Carol and Mark who are getting groceries out of the car and carrying them into the house. </p><p> </p><p>‘Goofball he’s a fucking goofball and I like it!’ </p><p> </p><p>“Do you need help?”  I don’t want to be rude and just stand there just watching when I could do something to at least help them out, they look like that got a lot of shit in their hands and If I know stairs they can be very unforgiving when you have cases of water (don’t ask) </p><p> </p><p>He turns back to me and I hear Carol yell out. “That would be great! We could use an extra pair of hands!” </p><p> </p><p>Timmy is about to make his move across the street when I stop him throwing my hands out. “No no no! Timmy you stay put I’ll come to you just give one sec.” </p><p> </p><p>I turn and head back towards the house and head inside where Olivia and Kimberly are making a list to go to the store themselves. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey Arms where are you going in such a hurry?” </p><p> </p><p>“Timmy needs help carrying in their groceries so I offered to help out. Here, catch.”  I toss the keys over to Kimberly and just as I am about to turn the doorknob and go back out, my sister calls for me.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes?” </p><p> </p><p>“Do you want anything from the store before we go? That casserole you made was delicious, so I was thinking we could have that again at some point. If you don’t mind making it.” </p><p> </p><p>Olivia gives her best pleading look and puppy dog eyes that she always does because she knows that I will crack at some point and give in to her culinary whims. She knows I love to cook and know my way around the kitchen, it is a gift I have, a hobby that brings me as much happiness as acting did. </p><p>“Yes we can have a chief surprise again,” I stroll across the kitchen floor to the table where Olivia sits and hug her from behind as she looks up at me, with her head tilted back. “if  you bring back the biggest fucking keg you can find.”  I kiss the tiny wrinkles the form in her forehead then back away. </p><p> </p><p>“Armie what are you going to do with a big ass keg?” Kimberly gives me an inquisitive look, her eyebrow raised in suspicion. “You plan on throwing some wild shindig while we are here?” </p><p> </p><p>“It’s not for me Kim it’s for Zack. For what I don’t know but you know the guy drinks like a damn fish.”  I shrug. </p><p> </p><p>“Whelp I’m off later fuckers!” </p><p> </p><p>And with that I hastily make my exit before I can be questioned further and head over to Timmy’s. </p><p> </p><p>*****</p><p>Timmy </p><p>Seeing Carol gush over Armie when he was helping carry our stuff in the house was both hilarious and very interesting. </p><p> </p><p>I have never seen a grown woman go into teenage fangirl mode so fast and talk a million miles and hour, slightly stuttering and turning a shade of magenta. </p><p> </p><p>“So what are your plans for today Armie?” she asks casually as she puts away the styrofoam cups in the cabinet next to the plates. </p><p> </p><p>“Well um… I was hoping to see if I could convince Timmy to hang out with me. My sister is going to go to the store and she is taking Kim with her, so….” </p><p> </p><p>At that moment, Mindy’s radar ears go into action and I can hear her feet running down the stairs double time as she comes down them. No doubt at the sound of Armie’s very voice and she skids to a stop right on the linoleum flooring, dressed in a tank top and really short cut off shorts, her bra is showing and I can’t help but think she is trying just a little too hard all the time to get his attention.<br/>“I wanna come!” she chimes in flipping her hair back over her left shoulder as it seems to be bothering her. </p><p> </p><p>I take a glance at Armie who is staring right at me. His eyes seem to be following my every moment, which is kinda creeping me out but at the same time, it feels slightly comforting. Not in that stalker kind of way that someone looks at you but the “I am just looking out for you so you don’t fall down.” way. </p><p> </p><p>Now that I think about it, Armie seems to be really bent on helping me a lot. Not that I mind it’s just…I can’t tell if he is doing it again, out of pity or out of genuine concern. </p><p> </p><p>“Mindy, I think it would be better for you to stay here and help me out around the house today. You have gone out at least six times this week. I know you are twenty one but you still live under my roof and when I say that enough is enough, then Mindy you stay put. No arguing, no back talking… understood?” </p><p> </p><p>Mindy rolls her eyes reminding me that she seems more like a teenager than an adult. “Okay fine. Timmy gets whatever he wants anyway.” she mutters under her breath. </p><p> </p><p>“Timmy is a different circumstance but has to abide by the same rules as you do even though he is an adult. You on the other hand are perfectly capable of taking care of things on your own without help. So off you go, go get the laundry out of the dryer and fold the clothes up please.” </p><p> </p><p>I hear Carol shake her head sadly and sigh to herself as she puts the last stack of cups away, shutting the door looking to the two of us, with her hands on her hips. </p><p> </p><p>Armie raises an eyebrow watching her go. “Is she okay?” </p><p> </p><p>I rub my eye with the back of my right hand. “She is still upset about what happened last night. She accused me of taking Mark and Carol away from her this morning. Then she tried to lock me in the bathroom, when I was in need of having to pee. So she is just being a typical cynical Mindy.”</p><p> </p><p>“She shouldn’t treat you like that Timmy. I won’t stand for it in this house when we brought you home we hoped that she would warm up to you. Just give her time, she will come around eventually. As for the two of you…. Timmy you can have the day off today, I need to go up to the shop and make a new list of the people who are doing pre orders so go have some fun.”</p><p>“Armie you take care of my boy.” she points at him with a rolling pin and for a second I think ‘oh god she is going to smack him with it’  then she makes the comment of “going all Muriel on him and they both share a laugh.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh don’t worry he’s safe with me. I promise.”  he gives her a 1000 watt smile and I swear I could have seen Carol go weak in the knees and before she has a chance to say something else, I grab Armie by the hand and start to take off towards the door.</p><p> </p><p>“Bye Carol, see you later!” </p><p> </p><p>“Woah! Timmy slow down, what's your hurry? See ya Carol.”  he calls over his shoulder helping me open the door then we both slip out, shutting it behind us. </p><p> </p><p>Once we hit the porch I dropped his hand and looked up at him with anticipation in my eyes wondering what kind of adventure Armie was going to take me on today. Yesterday I was floating the first part of the river which I was eager to do again. </p><p> </p><p>“So what are we going to do today? Float the river again?!” I was unable to keep the eagerness out of my voice. </p><p> </p><p>“Well how about we take a walk first and talk about what happened last night if you are comfortable with that. Then see what happens from there.” </p><p> </p><p>‘ oh man here we go I was hoping to avoid this subject possibly even forget about it. But at some point I can’t hide it ever I mean, it’s already out there and he knows now so I don’t know why he would want to talk about that.”</p><p> </p><p>“Sure.” I grab the railing and begin to take my first step but I notice that Armie isn’t moving. He seems frozen stiff and his eyes are slightly widened.  </p><p> </p><p>“What’s wrong?” </p><p>“Nothing. I… i’m coming.”  He gives me a reassuring smile but I can’t help get the feeling that something is off. <br/>“Don’t tell me you're afraid of the stairs.” I joke playfully as I take my first step, my fingers tighten on the railing and my hand jerks subtly. I’m nervous about going down the stairs, silly I know but the more Armie stands there, I begin to realize he is not joking and that he is actually nervous. </p><p> </p><p>I reach out and touch the hem of his shirt and my left hand jerks this time and he snaps out of the trance.  </p><p> </p><p>“Do you want to go down together?” I ask hoping that he will say yes so that I don’t look like a total idiot if I do end up falling on my ass or miss step and tumble down like peter griffin. </p><p> </p><p>“You would do that for me?” he sounds surprised by the question. “Armie, I am scared of the stairs too. I mean look at me? Look at my legs, I want to go down the stairs and I want you to come with me. So why not tackle the stairs together?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. yeah, okay.”  He takes my offered hand and together we take it one step at a time, as our feet hit the step I glance over to see how he is doing and that’s when I notice that when Armie is going down, his right foot will turn inwards before stepping down, then his left foot will do the same thing. Then at another step he will go right foot down, then left foot on the same step. </p><p> </p><p>‘His feet turn like mine do? How did I not notice that before? Odd, his feet were the first thing I noticed about him, how big his shoes were but, I’ve never seen his feet turn inwards when he walks normal.”</p><p> </p><p>When we make it to the last step Armie let’s go of my hand and rubs the back of his head. “Thanks Timmy,” his voice is soft almost like he is shy and I tilt my head up at him, taking in his face. </p><p> </p><p>There is a look of relief there then when he catches me staring, I look away and gesture with my hand towards the road with the big tree forking the road in the middle. </p><p> </p><p>“You’re welcome. Shall we? </p><p> </p><p>We walk at a slow pace casually side by side in silence. I try to figure out how to start the conversation to come in my mind as we are walking, nothing but the sound of our breathing, the sounds of our shoes hitting the pavement and my heart beating entirely too loud at the moment for such a casual walk. </p><p> </p><p>“Tim-” <br/>“Arms-”   </p><p> </p><p>We laugh together and then he tells me to speak first by saying, “Say something please.” his attention is on me for a moment then he turns back to the road. </p><p> </p><p>“Okay look about last night, I am sorry for my sister’s behavior and I am sorry for making a fool of myself.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why do you do that?” </p><p> </p><p>“Do what?” I feel my legs wobble for a moment, then I manage to stable myself as Armie gently hovers beside me, his hands not quite touching me but there if he needs to catch me. </p><p> </p><p>I see him chew on the corner of his lip before he answers. </p><p> </p><p>“Why do you say your sorry all the time to people that are complete assholes to you. If it was me I would tell them off without another thought about it. You shouldn't let people get away with that type of behavior.” </p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know. I guess I don’t like confrontation, so when it happens… I just don't know, I just shut down sometimes. And I don’t know how to handle that type of situation when someone is angry at me or yelling at me, I don’t always respond like I am supposed to.” </p><p> </p><p>I hear him chuckle and we look at each other. “You seemed to do just fine last night, when you were screaming and shaking like the hulk telling Mindy off.” </p><p> </p><p>I don’t say anything. I look down and begin playing with the hem of my shirt, my scrapes on my palms covered once again by bandaids. I feel the material brush and gently pull at the one on my right hand. </p><p> </p><p>We walk again in silence as we begin to get close to the large tree, Armie walks in front of me and begins to walk backwards on the left side of the road leading to a very steep incline as we cross the bridge, with the frio on the left and ride side of us, crowded with people splashing around in the cool waters, children laughing and screaming with joy while the adults drink and chatter on about gossip. I can feel their eyes on me as I walk and I know they are trying to figure me out. I know they are talking about me and it makes me nervous.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you wanna try and walk this or would it be too much dependence if I carried you up this hill. Mr. I don’t need any help from nobody.”  <br/>“No, I can walk.”</p><p>He's been poking fun at me again from last night and I smack him on the shoulder, with my hand this time, it doesn’t jerk as bad as the last time. But I watch him lean on his left foot, his body swaying to the side like one of those toys that bounce back when you hit them. Except he doesn’t hit me back instead he pokes me in the side and I accidentally let out a squeal.  Now everyone is really looking at me! </p><p> </p><p>“Did you just squeal?”  Armie snickers trying to cover his mouth to keep from laughing and again I smack him for causing me attention. It is all playful fun and I know it isn’t cruelty on his end. He is just being well.. Himself around me and I like that he can be. </p><p> </p><p>“No! I….. that was a sound of surprise that wasn’t a squeal.”  </p><p> </p><p>I look down at my feet. I can feel his gaze come down on me, like the sun’s very rays burning my very skin and I know that if I look up he is going to see the lie right there in my eyes. Those blue pools of sky are going to see right through me and I am going to have no other choice but to confess. My deepest most sacred secret that no one knows about and I am not talking about my acp no. There is nothing “secret” about acp; it is right there out in the open for everyone to see and to comment on.</p><p> </p><p>This secret is all mine and if Armie ever figured out that I, Timothee Chalamet, are 100% ticklish underneath my ribs then my world as I know it will shatter into a billion pieces and then he would proceed to tourture me to no end. With bouts of laughter that If he were to not stop I would possibly cause embarrassment to myself. </p><p> </p><p>“Mhm, whatever you say.”   </p><p> </p><p>When we reach the hill Armie looks back at me then at the hill and then back at me as he stops to stretch his legs.    </p><p> </p><p>“You sure you don’t wanna ride up?” </p><p> </p><p>“Alright you talked me into it.”  I rolled my eyes but I was smiling when I said it whether I admit to myself or keep it quiet I liked spending time with Armie without my sister around to pester him. Like a groupie with a rockstar it was annoying, but today I was going to be the one to hang out with Armie and I was determined to know anything and everything about him. </p><p>When Armie squats down with his back facing me, I walk over and hop onto his back, wrapping my arms over his shoulders, I place my hands around his neck clasping my wrists and my legs around his torso. I feel him stand up straight, his hands grip my thighs and just like the stairs together we tackle the monster of a hill well… sort of.</p><p> </p><p>******<br/>Armie</p><p>“So what does acp stand for anyway?”  I ask casually my eyes drifting from Timmy’s collar bone to his eyes, before they traveled to his lips, and back up to his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>We walked and both of us got tired of walking. We decided to head back to house and lay underneath the giant swing tree together on our backs, looking up at the sky, the sun being blocked by the tree branches, left sprinkles of gold streaks on our bodies. </p><p> </p><p>“Ataxic Cerebral Palsy.”  </p><p> </p><p>Timmy murmurs in what I can describe as a mixture of disgust and sarcasticness in a very monotone voice, as he shifts closer to me, resting his head against my ribs. His hands lay on his stomach as he breathed in lips parted, into a light exasperated sigh as he turned his head to look at me.</p><p> </p><p>“Sounds… painful.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s more a pain in the ass. I have to walk like i’m on a damn horse all the fucking time, since I don’t have great coordnation like everyone else. My balance is worth shit if you haven’t noticed. Which makes others stare at me, comment like they did last night it never ends Armie. I just want to be normal like everyone else and I’m not. Do you ever feel that way?”</p><p> </p><p>‘Oh all the fucking time if not more so around people who don’t understand what it’s like. Going through what I go through.’</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, sure… absofuckinglutly have you seen me! Timmy, I am possibly the tallest motherfucker out here. You try being 6’5 and 220 pounds and tell me you don’t get looks. I have people know me not just for my movies but for how fucking tall I am! People look at me and they're like… that… they get this look on their face like “holy shit…. Thats a big dude.” which then leads to them to think that I am intimidating as fuck and not approachable. Then you have those people who are like “yeah I wanna climb that man’s body cuz he reminds me of a fucking tree. A tree!” Do I look like a fucking tree to you?!” </p><p> </p><p>Timmy’s laughter breaks through my ranting and before I know it I am laughing and smiling again like I was this morning. “No no no, but seriously do I look like a fucking tree? Really?” </p><p> </p><p>“Well you are really tall like a tree and you have big feet like a tree has massive roots so… I would have to say yeah. Yeah, you do look like a tree.” </p><p> </p><p>“Oh now he wants to make fun of my feet! Oh such rudeness, you asshole that’s it, we can’t be friend’s Timmy. I wanted to be your friend but you have now made fun of my feet and that is where I draw the line.” </p><p> </p><p>I make a face of mock offendedness and roll to the side, the leaves latching onto my light blue t-shirt as I get to my feet with a soft thud of my shoes hitting the ground.. Leaving Timmy speechless on the ground. I proceed to walk away and then slip behind a different massive tree, pressing myself to the bark.</p><p> </p><p>I hear the rustling of leaves and then I hear Timmy call out my name. “Armie! I’m sorry I made fun of your feet. I won’t do it again. It just… I… I- you ask me and I was just joking, Arms please don’t be mad.”  </p><p> </p><p>His voice is filled with a hint of sorrow and he walks around as I peek behind the tree and when he gets close enough I reach out and grab him. Scaring the shit out of him. </p><p> </p><p>“Armie!” He runs and chases after me as I move around the tree not going too fast cuz I don’t want Timmy to fall but fast enough that we can both have fun and just play. To be stupid and I figured it would lighten the mood slightly before I really wanted to dig into what his disability did and all that medical mumbo jumbo. </p><p> </p><p>When I turn around the next tree Timmy does something that I don’t fully expect. He tackles me, a rush of air comes out of my lungs in the sound of an oomph as I catch him in a hug and we both go falling over onto the ground in a tangle of limbs, rolling around, laughing our asses off as if we are high as fuck. </p><p> </p><p>I stop when he does and we end up with him laying on his back, his legs pressed together to the side while his torso faces me. With my hand on the ground with my arm across his body, staring down at him, he has the most goofiest smile on his face. </p><p> </p><p>“What?” </p><p>“You have um… there’s a… Can I just-”  It takes me a minute to realize that there are leaves all in my hair until Timmy reaches up and I bend my head for him. </p><p> </p><p>“There.” </p><p>******</p><p>“Armie if you want to ask me then just ask me. I won’t be offended by you asking me the question that you are thinking about right now.” </p><p> </p><p>Timmy is insistent, when something needs to be addressed he will either say it directly or he will shy away from it completely.  </p><p> </p><p>We had gone from being outside dusting ourselves off  the ground to wanting to go back in the house and spend the rest of the day, on the couch watching tv but somehow ended up in a deep discussion about Acp. </p><p> </p><p>At first I had seemed scared, almost very reluctant to bring it up again but the question of “what does it feel like?” popped into my head.</p><p> </p><p>“What does it feel like when you walk? I know you have trouble balancing but does it hurt to walk?” </p><p> </p><p>I look down at our feet being side by side on the outtoman and he tilts his head the other way mimicking my position looking at his socks, our legs touching together, his hands rest against his stomach, while mine are laced behind my head. </p><p> </p><p>“It does most times but I go to physical therapy with Carol a few days out of the week to help with it. since I have to have a wider stance in order to balance myself to walk and of course it hurts when I fall but, I think I've actually become a pro.” </p><p> </p><p>“Jesus Tim, i’m… I don’t know what to say to that? That’s fuck man that’s aweful. I can’t imagine having to walk like that.” </p><p> </p><p>I swallow the lump in my throat and he lays his head on my shoulder as if to comfort me while he continues. <br/>“Don’t worry Armie, I am used to it. I don’t let it stop me though from doing things. I mean I tackled your ass didn’t i?”  </p><p> </p><p>I snort tilting my head back, resting it against the cushion while my eyes focus back on the documentary of Jimmi Hendrix. I remove my hands, setting them down on my stomach, yawning. </p><p> </p><p> “I’m sorry if I am boring you?”  </p><p> </p><p>Timmy lifts his head from my shoulder, his lips a soft little pout, his eyebrows scrunched together, looking at me as if he did something wrong, his hands playing with the string of a fabric blanket that was left there from this morning. </p><p> </p><p>“You boring? Ha! Timmy I have spent my life around many many people and meeting a bunch of people. From many different backgrounds and worked with some of the most unique and interesting people. You are not boring, not in the slightest you are like a breath of fresh air compared to some people and you don’t have to be sorry.” </p><p> </p><p>I reach out and gently caress his hair ruffling it with my fingers before dropping my hand. His curls now in his face and I chuckle at my handy work. </p><p> </p><p>When the show goes to a commercial I hear a very loud rumbling growl come from the skinny body next me and Timmy looks at me with a stunned look. Then touches his stomach. </p><p> </p><p>“You wouldn’t happen to have pistachios would you Armie?”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The whole fear of the stairs thing yeah... I have that because of not only the fear of falling or misstepping but also due to the fact that I feel like I am going to literally fall forward just looking at them. </p><p>Silly I. Know but it does happen to people with CP then again it also happens to those who don't have it too.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Charlie</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Armie goes with Timmy to physical therapy and meets the very famous Charlie, finding out that some people in this world are just one of a kind. ^_^</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Well guys we are finally here you get to meet Charlie and I am very excited for you to do so! ^_^ </p><p>fun fact: Charlie is a real person who is indeed my childhood friend who I grew up around when I lived in Houston. He does have the more severe type of cerebral palsy however, you will be happy to know that he is doing good, he graduated from college, still loves power rangers so much so that he is writing books about them and he is still one of the funniest guys I have ever had the pleasure of getting to know and love very much. </p><p>what happens in this chapter as far as Charlie goes is real. ^_^</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Armie</p><p> </p><p>“Back up a little more. Alright throw.”  </p><p> </p><p>Timmy directs and I take a few steps back by the fireplace, waiting mouth wide as he flicks an unshelled pistachio up into the air and I catch it in my mouth, throwing my arms up in a victory, </p><p> </p><p>“Alright, one more flick and then it’s your turn. I wanna see if you can catch things as good as you say you can.”  </p><p> </p><p>Timmy had been bragging that he could catch any kind of food that was in a ball in his mouth without dropping it. I called total bullshit and thought he was lying through his teeth. So we grabbed a bag of my sister’s pistachios and busted them open, picked a few out, unshelled them until there was nothing but the nut and sat down at the kitchen table. </p><p> </p><p>“I hope I don’t come off as rude when I ask this Armie but..” </p><p> </p><p>“Tit for tat Timmy that's how this getting to know each other works. Right? I wanted to know about Asp and you told me what you wanted to tell me. Now, it’s only fair I tell you about me so ask away.” </p><p> </p><p>Timmy puts the bag into my outstretched hand, as he walks past him the soft thudding of his feet padding across the floor as he takes a position in the middle of the room. The starting point as Timmy liked to call it by starting in the middle of the room and backtracking each time the nut was caught and ate. </p><p>Those were the rules: you had to catch the nut before it hit the ground and you had to eat it before you could move back a step. </p><p> </p><p>“Do your feet always turn in when you walk down the stairs?”  he shuffles slowly when I hit the nut with my middle finger sending it flying Timmy’s way and the boy catches it in his mouth, eyes wide with surprise. </p><p> </p><p>“Yes. I uh…..” </p><p> </p><p>I clear my throat thinking of what I want to say before I say it as my nerves kick up. I do not like talking about my disability at all, it makes me feel uncomfortable. But with Timmy being brave enough to speak about his own knowing that he is scared of what others will think of him… makes him brave in my eyes. </p><p> </p><p>I start again. “It only happens when I am walking down the stairs, I have a fear of falling back or forward, depending on whether or not I have something in my hands. I also feel dizzy when I am on them.” </p><p> </p><p>I toss another one he bounces off of Timmy’s nose and I laugh watching him move forward trying to save it and he does barely by opening his mouth wider. </p><p> </p><p>“Nice one Tim!” </p><p> </p><p>“What do you mean? You get dizzy, are you scared of heights or something?” he gives me a puzzled look as I set up the next nut in between my fingers like a football. </p><p> </p><p>I let out a weary sigh trying to figure out a way to explain myself without giving anything fully away. I am scared that once I do get comfortable enough to finally say “hey I have CP”that Timmy won’t run away from me. Which is so stupid and fucking silly I know, because he has the same thing I do! Well, kind of it’s the same disability just a different type and it affects a different part of his brain. </p><p> </p><p>“You know when you’re standing still and you tilt your head up to the sky for a little while to watch the clouds and then all the sudden you feel like you are actually going to fall. So you tilt your head back down and the feeling goes away. It’s kinda like that. Except with going down the stairs, I can see the stairs are there but when I look down or try to take a step that fear of falling comes and it grips me to the point where I will cling to the railing with my fingers. Or I will go down them slowly right foot then left foot on the same step until I am down on the ground.”<br/>
“Fuck! I missed it!”  I watch Timmy pout and shift back up to the starting position carefully. Patiently waiting for me to toss another one. “I know exactly what that feels like and it sucks but if you want we can help each other out on the stairs if you ever come to my house again.” </p><p> </p><p>“What do you mean if  I come to your house again?” I give him an amused look thumping another nut watching it sail to the left more than directly at Timmy. “Sorry that one was on me! You don’t have to move back up. That one doesn’t count.” </p><p> </p><p>A flushness creeps over Timmy’s neck as I watch him chew then swallow, the nervous habit of rubbing his neck comes back and I wonder if he doesn’t actually want me to come back to his house. Did I embarrass him? </p><p> </p><p>“Well Carol seems to be infatuated with you and Mindy is there too. I don’t want you to feel like you are being pressured-”</p><p> </p><p>“Timmy….”  I laugh, popping one of the nuts into my mouth eating it as I look across the room at him, taking in the features of a nervous and very aware man who is once again, afraid of what I think. So much that I can see the gears turning in his own head, he is not just nervous but I can see that he is desperately wanting to know my answer. </p><p> </p><p>I open my mouth to say something, then I hear the handle of the doorknob, Timmy and I both look at each other, our eyes widening and I grab the pistachio bag putting a clip on it after I roll up the ends, tossing it back in the pantry where I found it.</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck what are we going to do with the shells?!!!!!”  I grit my teeth as I hear the key turning in the door, my sister’s voice coming through the otherside of it as she talks to Kimberly about something that happened while they were driving back. </p><p> </p><p>“Armie give them to me!” Timmy motions and I grab them quickly handing them over to him.Just as the door opens Timmy and I somehow make it back to the couch, and pretend as if nothing happened as a different show comes on the tv. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey!”  Olivia smiles seeing Timmy.</p><p> </p><p>“Hello again Olivia.” he waves as we sit like we were doing a few minutes earlier before we decided to play the pistachio game. His other hand, that held the shells within it, moved against my thigh and kept moving up as I kept watch on my sister.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, hello, there handsome. What brings you back over here to our side of the street?”  </p><p> </p><p>Kimberly compliments Timmy as she comes in with her arms full of plastic bags hanging off her arms, setting them down on the table before she bounced back outside. </p><p> </p><p>“Oh you know… just hanging out watching tv with Armie.” </p><p> </p><p>“What are you doing?” I lean over close to Timmy’s ear and whisper he glances at me, his lip disappearing between his teeth and when I look down, I see his hand slip in between the couch cushions and before I know it this little shit’s hand reappears and is touching my arm. </p><p> </p><p>A little smirk creeps over his lips as he goes back to looking at the tv and the only thing that crossed my mind at the time was.  </p><p> </p><p>“Timmy just shoved pistachio shells in between the couch cushions!”  Thus the beginning of Timothee’s long bad habit of shoving random shit in our couch. </p><p> </p><p>******</p><p>Timmy </p><p> </p><p>The sun is being a little more forgiving this afternoon than it was as of late. It's still hot but it's the kind that comes with an amazing breeze that is just right for taking a nap. But I couldn’t since I was going to have to leave for physical therapy at four, I didn’t want to go, I was having too much fun with Armie, Kimberly and Olivia. </p><p> </p><p>I have this underlined fear in my mind, that I am taking advantage of how nice the Hammer’s have been to me. Within the very short time that I have known them, I have never had a group of people pay this much attention to me not even growing up. So when I was around them, I felt like a kitten starving for milk when it came to their attention but not in the way that my sister Mindy would.<br/>
I lay back in the sun lounger with my sunglasses on my bare feet propped up, my t-shirt pulled behind my head, my arms still through the sleeves and my jean shorts. Head is tilted to the side, munching on a sucker that Olivia had bought me, when she was at the store. </p><p> </p><p>“Who in the hell put pistachio shells in my bed!!”  I hear Kimberly yelling from inside the house and I look over at Armie, who was hanging up their wet bathing suits from the day before and he turns to me. I flick my sunglasses up smirking and he ducks his head, shoulders hunched snickering as he hides behind an orange beach towel.</p><p> </p><p>“Armando! ¡¿Pusiste tus culos nasy en mi cama ?!” Kimberly comes stomping out of cabin with her flip flop in her hand looking like she was going murder Armie.</p><p> </p><p>‘Armando? What?’</p><p> </p><p>“No hice una mierda Kimberly, así que no me amenaces con las chanclas.”  he comments mimicking her stance coming out from behind the towel to stand out in the open. </p><p> </p><p>“Armie, I didn’t know you could speak other languages!” This genuinely surprised me something else to put in my bank of “new things to know about Armie Hammer.”One he liked pistachios as much as me, two, he can speak another language other than english, and he sounds hot doing it. Wait! Hot! No no no. I- okay stop this thought right now. </p><p> </p><p> “I wouldn’t test her, she looks pissed.”  </p><p> </p><p>I was feeling extremely guilty about the pistachio thing and I didn’t want Armie to get into trouble for something that I did. But something about this situation was comical at best and I couldn’t help but wanting to see how this was going to play out.</p><p> </p><p>“Nah she is harmless Timmy don’t worry she’s not gonna do anything.”  he gives me a wink not moving an inch on the grass, just swaying as if he is waiting for Kim to make her move but instead of Kim doing it. I hear this…</p><p> </p><p>“Armie you ate my pistachios! You ass! I’m gonna...Kim give me that shoe,I’m gonna beat my brother’s ass.” </p><p>The second that Armie sees Olivia with Kim’s shoe his eyes grow wide when she takes off running down the hill at him and he takes off running around the yard. His sister surprisingly keeps up with Armie’s massive steps as he runs around the trees and I hear him scream.</p><p> </p><p>“Teeeeeeemyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!”  </p><p> </p><p>I nearly choke on the stick of my sucker so I spit it out onto the ground before I am laughing so hard, to the point of having tears in my eyes, my stomach muscles clenching as I double over. His voice sounds so high pitched and Kim starts cracking up alongside me and it is too much for me to handle at this point. </p><p> </p><p>“Timothee lets go kiddo it’s time.”  I hear Carol’s car pull up into the driveway and hear her voice come from my left, her head sticking out of the window. </p><p> </p><p>“Awww leave us already Timmy? We were gonna go float the second part of the river today.” </p><p> </p><p>Kim pouts her bottom lip sticks out and her eyes plead for me to stay and hang out some more until Mindy comes out of the backseat and I promise Kim that I will come back within an hour or so. That seems to suffice, she smiles at me. </p><p> </p><p>“Okay! mercy fuck! Olivia! That hurt.” Armie laughs panting seemingly catching his breath as his sister taps him a few good times on his ass with the flip flop. While they are coming up the hill Armie in front with Olivia in tow behind him. </p><p> </p><p>As I get up from the chair Armie gives me a puzzled look, his eyes swirling with a slight sadness to them. </p><p> </p><p>“Leaving me already?” The tone of his voice made it sound like a joke but I could tell that he was wanting me to stay and hang out some more. </p><p> </p><p>“I have to go to physical therapy. It’s only for an hour.”</p><p> </p><p> I explain feeling nervous all of the sudden, I rub at my neck and then I hear Carol call to me again for the second time. I look back at her and nod my head, as Mindy comes running over, Armie moves behind me. </p><p> </p><p>“I’d better go.” </p><p> </p><p>“It’s my turn to hang out with my friends Timmy.” she states and Armie gives me a look of ‘help’ then I get an idea and decide to go to the car. </p><p> </p><p>“Carol, can Armie come with us? I want him to meet Charlie!” I say in a hurried rush of air as I slap my hands on the open window, poking my head inside, giving her my best impression of the saddest puppy dog you have ever seen in your life. </p><p> </p><p>She looks at me and then pats my hand gently. “Get in the car Timmy, I’ll tell Armie to come on.” there it is again that knowing smile on her lips like she knows something. </p><p> </p><p>“Armie! come on, you’re coming with us.”</p><p> </p><p>*******<br/>
Armie </p><p>“Armando?” I hear Timmy ask as I sit next to him in the backseat of his mother’s car, strapped into the seatbelt with my legs bent, knees touching the back of the driver’s seat. My right hand resting on my knee, as I stared out the window watching the endless trucks with people and intertubes crowded in with them as they drove past us. </p><p> </p><p>‘ Armand. God I hate that name sooo much why do people insist on using it? Don’t get upset at Timmy he doesn’t know.’ </p><p> </p><p>I turn to look at Timmy whose cheeks are a shade of deep red and for a second I think he is flustered or embarrassed but in reality, he is sunburned from laying in the chair outside. His hand resting palm up and open almost in invitation for me, while the other was resting on his lap. </p><p>“My great grandfather’s name.” I begin to explain, “my name sake actually… I hate it. Only my mother and father call me that it gets very annoying after a while. Especially when I have asked them multiple times to call me Armie, hell even Arms would work but they insist on calling me Armand. </p><p> </p><p>“Why do you hate it so much?”  Timmy turns to face me, placing his right leg over his left one, his eyes filled with curious intent, he brushes his curls to side away from his forehead, just for them to bounce right back a minute or so later. </p><p> </p><p>I shrug. “I don’t know, it sounds-”  I rub my fingers over my lips in thought trying to find the word to describe what exactly that word does to me mentally and emotionally every single time I hear it come out of my parent’s mouth. </p><p> </p><p>“I like Armie better. It suits you more than Armand does I think and I for one will always call you Armie. You just look like an Armie to me.” </p><p> </p><p>Carol comments looking in the rearview mirror back at both of us, giving me a smile as she was fiddling with the radio with her right hand, as the car was stopped at a stop sign. </p><p> </p><p>“Thank you Carol, I am in complete agreement with her. I’m sorry but Armand sounds like a name that someone would use only when you are in trouble.” </p><p> </p><p>Timmy, taking a jab at me for what happened earlier and I poke him in the side, causing him to squirm. Letting out a closed mouth laugh. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Okay guys we are officially here!”  Carol jumps in before I even have the chance to extract my revenge on Armie, by throwing the car in park and turning off the engine. As we both unbuckle I pile out and Timmy follows in toe right behind me and Carol who brings up the rear as she stuffs her keys into her purse. </p><p> </p><p>The Uvalde Physical Therapy Center wasn’t just some center for the disabled children it was also for adults as well. It was to help those with cerebral palsy to have a way to get some quality of their life back and teach them how to live with the disability by giving them some independence. To help them with certain exercises that they could do to help improve their walking, their cognitive memory both short term and long term as well as their balance and other movements. </p><p> </p><p>This place doesn’t even look or smell like a Therapy Center. Which threw me for a loop, I had never been here before and when we entered double doors my eyes were met with colors of light blue, greens, on the walls with animals, painted on them with cartoon eyeballs and happy smiles plastered on their faces, reminding me of Ford’s room back home. </p><p> </p><p>A lady with blonde curly hair, long nails that look like claws, dressed in a </p><p> </p><p>“Carol, I wanna go see Charlie! Can I take Armie to go see him?”  </p><p> </p><p>Timmy enthusiastically asks, nearly falling over when he missteps, but thankfully I grab him by the loop of his shorts to steady him. He turns around to look at me and for once, I am so glad that Carol isn’t paying attention to us. I could have literally pulled him into my arms and kissed him right there. Whether Timothee is aware of his flirting I have no idea but he is fucking good at it, see he likes to play the nervous, awkward archetype to a fault. Well… at least I think he does but then he makes his coy face and I know better but damn I would be lying if I didn’t say this….</p><p> </p><p>I love the faces that he makes. I love how open and raw and genuine he is. It is fun to watch him and each time I get to see it, it is like Vecente Fernandez is to mexican people. I just become so tickled and in awe of this boy when he is with me it is a gift to know him. I am enjoying this connection that we are weaving and are able to share with each other. </p><p> </p><p>“Once you're done with your exercises Timmy then you can. But right now, we have to go see Brian first.”  </p><p> </p><p>Carol leads us to the right side of the center and through another set of double doors, down a short corridor and into an open room that has exercise balls, different size weights, and elastic bands of many different colors that hang on a rack folded up as well as different size medicine balls lined up in a row along the wall. </p><p> </p><p>“Brian!”  Timmy calls out and takes off in a run across the room and when the man turns around he is met with Timmy’s body smacking right into him. He gives a laugh ruffling the boy’s wild curls and is all smiles as he looks up at us. </p><p> </p><p>“Timo!”  he takes a step back out of their embrace and holds him out at arms length looking at him. “Man have you gotten taller? I remember when you were this big.” the man holds his hand up to his hip, before he greets us.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m 5’10 Brian I don’t think I’m gonna get any taller.”   Timmy’s laugh is awkward but his smile is beaming. </p><p> </p><p>Brian Thomas a 24 year old, 5’6, black wavy hair,  single father of two twin little girls who were born with spastic hemilegia another type of cerebral palsy that affects one side of the body usually the arm is more affected than the leg. Their mother had gotten addicted to drugs when she was pregnant with them and decided she couldn’t take care of them due to her drug habit, so Brian became the responsible adult and got full custody of his girls while at the same time trying to find his ex wife some professional help. </p><p> </p><p> When they were older than 10 months, Brian began to notice that his daughters were crawling funny. He thought nothing of it at first, thinking it was them just struggling to crawl as most babies often do. But as he started to pay closer attention to their movements he noticed that Lacy would crawl in a lopsided manner, pushing off with one hand and leg while dragging her right hand and leg.</p><p> </p><p>While Hannah would scoot around on her butt and hop on her knees but she wouldn’t crawl on all fours. So he decided to take them to the doctor where he found out that both girls were diagnosed with spastic hemilegia. </p><p> </p><p>After he took in that information researched the crap out of it and then he decided to move from Florida to Concan. Where he bought a building, spent hours renovating and fixing it into what is now known as the uvalde physical therapy center. He wanted to find a way to help not just his children but children who were just like them, to not only give them a better life but to help them achieve their goals into becoming successful with their disabilities. </p><p> </p><p>By doing this that is how he met the Chalamets and met Timothee, the two instantly became friends from the moment they met and he has been helping him strengthen his muscles and helping Timmy with his balance ever since. </p><p>Once the introductions are out of the way Brian directs Timmy to sit on the bench that is located in the middle of the room and I watch with curious eyes as Brian walks over to the wall with the bands, selecting two and walking back over to Timmy. </p><p> </p><p>Brian takes the first band and meticulously places the band underneath Timmy’s left shoe and wraps the stretchy elastic over and around his thigh and his calf making a cross behind his calf muscle, pulling the ends up he ties the ends to Timmy’s belt loops. Then repeats the same process on the other leg until both legs match.</p><p> </p><p>“Alright you ready Timmy? Remember, there is no rush, take your time. If you feel like you need to stop just tell me.” </p><p> </p><p>“Go it.”  Timmy looks at me then slowly moves down on his feet taking Brain’s hand, he begins to do what I like to call “step ups”  basically that thing you do in high school where you step up on a stool one foot then the other. </p><p> </p><p>“Does it hurt him?” I ask Carol while Timmy is busy with Brain, she takes me aside to another corner of the room and she has me sit down on the mat against the wall. </p><p> </p><p>“It does a little but ultimately it helps Timmy find his steps, see with him having issues with balance… he doesn’t always know where he is stepping so by doing that exercise it helps him with not only his depth perception but allows him to know exactly where his feet need to land. Come on up against the wall all the way.” </p><p> </p><p>I scoot until my back is up against the wall and I push my hips back until I am sitting up straight, with my legs out in front of me. Carol then crouches down placing her hands on the tops of my shoes, she pushes my toes back towards me and I hiss feeling the burn go up my leg. </p><p> </p><p>“Someone hasn’t been stretching as much as they should.” Carol comments holding me still like that for a few seconds. “You know what happens to you when you don’t Armie. I am not just telling you that as your physical therapist I am saying so as a mother of a child who physically hurts everyday.” </p><p> </p><p>“I know. My mind has just been on other things lately that I forget.” I say in defense and I see something go across her face, and her hands ease up a little bit releasing some of the tension. </p><p>“I heard I’m so sorry things didn’t work out for you and Rebecca. I feel horrible for the children, how are they taking everything? Breath Armie.”</p><p> </p><p>I let out a breath when she pushed into my feet again and this time instead of holding it for five seconds as I usually do. She has me stay in that position for ten seconds this time, leaning forward and I can feel the stretch going all the way up my entire leg.</p><p> </p><p>“They are taking it as well as they can. I mean, it’s not an ideal situation for them having me be gone like this but Rebecca promised me that they would be coming for the 4th of July. So here is hoping she keeps to her promise. I talk to them every morning and each night before they go to bed so I can’t complain. It just sucks I can’t be there all the time.”</p><p> </p><p>“Whether you are with them or not Armie, those children love you to death and it matters not where in the world you are as long as they know you love them back and are doing your absolute best to be there for them when it counts. Then I say you are one of the greatest father’s I know and I am proud of you for doing what you thought was best for not only yourself but for them.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah.”  </p><p> </p><p>“Okay big guy, on your back.” </p><p> </p><p>*****</p><p>The next place we go is a little further down the hallway from where we were and Timmy’s excitement is overflowing. He is dying for me to meet this Charlie person and Carol laughs at him, as his legs seem to go faster with each step. </p><p> </p><p>“He is a really cool person, Armie. You will like him!”  </p><p> </p><p>“TImmy slowed down, Charlie isn’t going anywhere.”  Carol chides softly, shaking her head looking up at me and all I can do is grin, when Timmy grabs my hand and begins to pull me along. </p><p> </p><p>When we get to a door on the left Timmy drops my hand and opens quickly, his hand jerks it open nearly knocking himself backwards. Thankfully I was right behind him or he would have fallen on his ass but he doesn’t seem to notice, his mind is set and he is going to get to Charlie door in the way or not.<br/>
The room is a crowded setup with tables and multiple stairs like a daycare center is with people mostly children and their parents playing together with blocks, others are learning how to walk with walkers, some have plastic braces on their legs. </p><p> </p><p>I try my best not to stare at them as I follow Timmy across the room over to a boy who is sitting over by the window, in a wheelchair, next to a man with dark brown hair, dressed in a polo shirt and denim jeans, work boots and glasses, reading a book to him. </p><p> </p><p>“Charlie!”  </p><p> </p><p>The man with the book looks up and smiles at Timmy setting the book in his lap, I see him lean over to the boy and tell him something then the next thing I know. There is loud banging in the air and Timmy looks up at me, his eyes bright. </p><p> </p><p>“Come on Armie.”  TImmy insists and I look at Carol for any indication on what to do since I’ve never been in here before and I want to make sure I give a good impression. </p><p> </p><p>The man stands up and greets Timmy with a shake of his hand, Timmy introduces me and I make the mistake of assuming that the man standing before me is Charlie. But he is quick to correct me, by saying that his name is Daniel Perkins and that the boy in the wheelchair is his son Charlie. </p><p> </p><p>“Oh I’m… I am so sorry man. Hi, I'm Armie, a friend of Timmy’s.”   I hold my hand out and we shake hands, immediately I can tell that his man is exhausted, but he is trying to keep his appearance in our presence. He doesn’t want us to know how tired he is but being a father myself I know this looks all too well. This is the “I want to go home and lay down to take a 100 hour nap” look. </p><p> </p><p>“Nice to meet you Armie. Carol, lovely to see you again.”  he plasters on a smile for her and I take a step back, following Timmy while Carol and Daniel catch up with each other.</p><p> </p><p>Timmy stands next to Charlie and the moment that he sees Timmy, he makes a noise of “heeeee” and I hear the loud banging again. It was Charlie kicking and banging his hands on the tray he had attached to his wheelchair will a pile of beanie babies, and a few goosebumps books. </p><p> </p><p>“Is he okay?”  I asked, not wanting to be rude. </p><p>“Oh yeah, he just likes to get excited when I come to see him. Don’t you Charlie?”  Timmy seems unphased by the sight before him while me, I am trying again not to stare at him. </p><p> </p><p>Timmy explains to me that Charlie has cerebral palsy too spastic quadriplegia or SQ for short it is the most severe kind of palsy to have.</p><p> </p><p>“ It affects all four of your limbs, arms, legs, the trunk and the face. A person who has this type of palsy usually can not walk, and often have developmental disabilities, seizures, or problems with hearing, vision, and speech.” </p><p> </p><p>“Can he understand you? When you talk to him can he speak back?”  </p><p> </p><p>“Well verbally no he can make noises and laugh but as far as speaking actual words Charlie can talk with his eyes. Watch.” </p><p> </p><p>“Charlie this is Armie.” </p><p> </p><p>I see Charlie's eyes move to the left and he glances at me and we stare at each other for a second, his hands move around and for a moment I think he is ignoring me, I look at Timmy and then Charlie bangs on his tray makes a noise trying to get Timmy’s attention. </p><p> </p><p>“Oh! He wants to talk to you Armie! Hang on just a second this could take a minute.”  I see Timmy grab a piece of paper with all of the letters of the alphabet on it put into rows and numbers. He sets it down on Charlie’s tray sitting down in one of the chairs next to the boy. </p><p> </p><p>I look down at the paper as Timmy slides his finger down the left side of it with the numbers. “First row, second row, third row.” </p><p> </p><p>Charlie looks at Timmy when he stops on the second row then he moves on to the letters saying each letter out loud and then I see him look at Timmy again. It continues for a while until all of what Charlie wants to say to me is spelled out and then all of the words are put together. </p><p> </p><p>“H.o.l.y. C.r.a.p! T.h.a.t g.u.y  i.s. A   T.o.w.e.r!”  Timmy and I start laughing, I crouch down in front of Charlie’s wheelchair, getting down to his level and Timmy advises me not to get too close to his legs because he likes to kick people.<br/>
For a good ten minutes we talk to Charlie and the more I get to know about him and his disability a fondness for this kid begins to grow on me. I learned that he loves beanie babies, power rangers and goosebumps that he is obsessed with it. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah he has every goosebump book known to man.” </p><p> </p><p>Charlie gets excited to the point of kicking and banging again this time it isn’t so hard at the mention of goosebumps and I see him drool out of the corner of his mouth. My dad instincts kick in and I look at Timmy wanting to know if it is okay to touch him or not. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah it's okay just be careful he tends to jerk a lot like I do but he is more frequent. So if he hits you it isn’t his fault unless you piss him off. Then he will intentionally hit you but, I think he likes you Armie, so it’s okay.”</p><p> </p><p>“Charlie is it okay if I wipe your mouth?”  I ask him anyway and then look at Timmy to translate for me. </p><p> </p><p>Again he goes through the rows and the letters one at a time, spelling out each word with Charlie looking at him when he picks the right letter. If it is the wrong letter Charlie bangs on his tray and will look away from him. </p><p> </p><p>This process can be very challenging, time consuming and frustrating because Charlie can’t speak so he has to constantly depend on someone else, to speak for him. To help him get the words out for him and my heart breaks, just watching him do this, thankfully I am a patient person when it comes to my own children and having years of practice with them. </p><p> </p><p>“O.h m.y g.o.d! Y.e.s  P.l.e.a.s.e  d.o. Y.o.u. H.a.v.e a.n.y. I.d.e.a  h.o.w e.m.b.a.r.r.a.s.s.i.n.g .i.t. I.s. t.o d.r.o.o.l o.n. Y.o.u.r s.e.l.f!”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, it can be pretty embarrassing.”  When I wipe his mouth and set the rag down, he watches me for a moment then he looks at Timmy.</p><p> </p><p>As the hours pass Charlie lets us read goosebumps to him, we let him throw his beanie babies at us causing him to laugh hysterically. Jerking and kicking, banging about on his tray when unexpectedly I see his eyes begin to fill up with tears, he begins to throw a fit thrashing about, and the bangs become louder.<br/>
“Hey buddy what’s the matter?” </p><p> </p><p>Timmy frowns. “His legs are hurting him again. He has to wear these plastic braces on his legs to keep his legs straight and he gets really bad charlie horses. He is in pain all the time and there is nothing you can really do except massage his legs.” </p><p> </p><p>I glance down and that is when I notice them for the first time since being here. Clear plastic tubes that go up and incase Charlie’s legs, and are strapped in forcing his feet and legs to remain straight, since like Timmy… like me… his feet turn inwards but to the more extreme. </p><p> </p><p>‘Christ man, this poor guy can’t ever catch a break ever, if he isn’t smiling and thrashing around, he is in constant pain and crying. I will never complain about my legs again after this, I swear to god.’</p><p> </p><p>“Charlie look at me.”  I wait a second until he turns his head and looks at me, when he does my heart completely shatters into pieces, his eyes are red and pained. Begging almost pleading for help to make it stop.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m gonna fix it. Okay, I’m gonna make it better so it won’t hurt no more.”   </p><p> </p><p>“You have to undo the straps Arms, they are hooked at the top, in the middle and by his feet. Just watch out when you do he may start to kick. I would do it but I can’t cuz… you know.” </p><p> </p><p>I get down into the floor and make quick work of the buckles with my fingers then take the braces off of him. Then take his left leg in my hands and begin to rub, while gently moving Charlie’s leg back and forth similar to the way Carol does with mine. I can feel his leg spasm in my hand and it is taking everything in me not to cry myself as I do this. </p><p> </p><p>His cries of pain kill me; they are so loud that it causes his dad to rush over and Carol too who looks at me but doesn’t say a word. I stay focused on what I am doing and I talk to him, just trying to keep him calm so he doesn’t kick me in the stomach or worse. </p><p> </p><p>“There now that feels better doesn’t it.”  My voice is calm and gentle soothing. I can feel his eyes on me and the wailing stops, and I hear him sniffing as I gently put down his leg and pick up the other one repeating the process until there are different sounds coming from Charlie.<br/>
“O.h. t.h.a.n.k y.o.u  T.h.a.n.k  Y.o.u!”</p><p> </p><p>They are noises of happiness and I hear him laugh for the first time. It is a weezing type laughter that sounds out in a  huhhhhhhhh and in that moment. I realize why Charlie was laughing. Timmy was sitting back in the chair throwing his beanie babies at me having them bounce off my body while I was working on the boy’s legs.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh you think that’s funny huh?”  I chuckle. “You like when Timmy throws your stuffed animals at me huh? Watch this…”  I grabbed his rabbit and smacked TImmy with it. I was aiming for his chest but hit him square in the forehead.</p><p> </p><p>When I was done Charlie’s dad helped me put the braces back on his legs which he protested but Timmy kept throwing beanie babies at me so he wouldn’t stop smiling or laughing. </p><p> </p><p>“Awww what a cute boy.”  I turn to see a woman with big poofy red hair, dressed in church clothes, with pearls hanging from her neck come over to all of us and Timmy gives me a look. </p><p> </p><p>“Thank you.” His father replied politely.  “His name is Charlie.”  </p><p> </p><p>When the woman begins to talk to Charlie like he is a baby and is basically cooing and gushing over how cute he is since he looks younger than he is. </p><p> </p><p>Timmy warns me to stand back and away when he begins to thrash and bang on his tray wildly.</p><p> </p><p>“Hold on Charlie not so fast.” Timmy says as I watch his finger move row by row and line by line in a fast manner as he begins to spell out what Charlie is trying to say.</p><p> </p><p>When Charlie is finished Timmy is laughing and I am snickering, Charlie’s dad isn’t very amused by his sons language and Carol holds a hand to her mouth, and the woman looks modified. </p><p> </p><p>“T.e.l.l .T.h.a.t B.i.t.c.h i.f. S.h.e  d.o.e.s.n.t s.t.o.p t.a.l.k.i.n.g t.o. M.e. l.i.k.e. I. a.m a. B.a.b.y! I. a.m. g.o.i.n.g t.o. K.i.c.k h.e.r!”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>What do you guys think of Charlie? =3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Bravery</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The gang get together and decide to float the second half of the river, Timmy steals a page from Elio’s book in the sense of bravery, Zack’s 1st party kicks off that night and trouble ensues.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Okay so I have a little game for the CMBYN peeps and the Charmies! See if you can spot the reference!  =3 also  this is where the tags of the explicit come into play here everyone so this is your official trigger warning things are about to get fun and crazy but also slightly dark. There is also nudity in the chapters coming up so fair warning there. Any who wish to read welcome those who don’t want to read this chapter may skip it and this chapter was getting really long so it will be split up into two or three parts depending on what the gang wants.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>Timmy </p><p>After we got back from seeing Charlie, Armie said that he and the others were going to go float the second half of the river and wanted to know if I wanted to come along for the ride. So that is how I found myself, back at the Hammer’s house, hanging around outside watching everyone hustle around to get everything ready to go. </p><p> </p><p>“What up bitches!”  The voice I hear startles me into nearly falling off of the hot tub steps I was sitting on, thankfully I was holding onto the side when this happened. It was Zack.  </p><p> </p><p>“Please tell me, you just did not say what up bitches like an annoying little jock.” Kimberly remarks with attitude, placing her sunglasses on top of her head. Then fixing her little yellow cigarette holder that hung from her neck. </p><p> </p><p>“So I am throwing a party and you are all invited. Bring the booze, bring friends, bring the weed, I will provide the place and a little bit of fun! What do you say Armie you down to party?” </p><p> </p><p>“Sure, why not I’m down as long as you plan on sharing that keg you had my sister buy with her money.” </p><p> </p><p>I get up from my spot and stride my way over to Armie and this Zack person. Purposefully placing myself In Armie’s space, and I look up at him, conveying to him, or at least trying to convey that I was still here. </p><p> </p><p>“Looks like someone wants a little attention there, Arms.” Zack comments with a smirk nudging me with his elbow causing me to lean on my right foot and nearly lose my balance.<br/>
“I wanna come too!” I said out loud not looking at Zack. </p><p> </p><p>“Timmy I don’t know …”  </p><p> </p><p>“What would be the harm in me going Mindy? Afraid i’m going to cramp your style again like the last party that I tried to go to with you? Look, don’t bother okay, I am going and that is that I will stay as far away from you as I can.” </p><p> </p><p>‘I want to have fun and my disability isn’t going to stop me from doing so. So you can kindly fuck off.’</p><p>“Yeah Mindy, let the kid have some fun!”  Zack was staring at me by this point and I was feeling highly self conscious in that moment, and got just a little bit closer to Armie. But was defiant all the same in the way, I stood next to him, showing him that I could be on equal footing same as him. </p><p> </p><p>“I am definitely going. I think it will be fun. I haven’t been to a party in months and I am here to have fun for the summer. I’m going too count me in Zack.” Olivia replies, shutting the door to the cabin and locking it, she must have been in there changing because she was wearing her black bikini top with a pair of short shorts and water shoes.</p><p> </p><p>“Sweet! I’ll see you later!” he shouts turning around and heading back to his own cabin. </p><p> </p><p>‘Good riddance’  I thought, rolling my eyes, I see that I have Armie’s attention and he looks with concern.”You okay?” his voice gentle, intimate as if we were the only to two in the world. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah I am good. But um… mind if I use your bathroom before we leave?” </p><p> </p><p>Olivia laughs at me and I raise my eyebrow at her.  “What?!” </p><p> </p><p>“Timmy you come over here every day now and have been in this cabin multiple times. You practically live here now!” she smiles. “What is ours is yours man, just make sure you put the seat down when you're done, my brother has a bad habit of leaving it up. And if there are any snacks that you want to bring with us then bring them and if you want you can have one of my sodas to have on the river. </p><p> </p><p>She tosses the keys to me so I can unlock the door. </p><p> </p><p>Armie’s mouth drops open at his sister's words. “Oh my god, Olivia Hammer are you sick? Do you need to go to the doctor? Did i even hear that right…. You are going to share your dr, peppers with Timmy?! You won’t share them with me but you will share them with Timmy!” </p><p> </p><p>“What’s wrong with that?” I had to ask clearly not understanding what was going on between the two of them. </p><p> </p><p>Armie throws and arm over my shoulder gently and looks at me with a disbelieving glance as he explains, </p><p> </p><p>“Timmy… you must be a rarity. See, my sister never and I mean ever shares her dr. peppers with anyone, not even me! Every time I tried to sneak one out of the refrigerator as a kid, she would get really pissy and bitch about… “That’s my dr pepper Armie you need to keep your crummy paws off my stuff!” he says in an impersonating voice of Olivia. </p><p> </p><p>“That’s because you would only drink half of the damn things and leave them all over the house! You know how many cans I had to throw away, all because somebody has an issue with night drinking when he is really tired.” </p><p> </p><p>Armie bursts into laughter slowly letting his arm slip from me and I watch him walk over to his sister, pressing his lips to her forehead in a sweet gesture, hugging her. </p><p> </p><p>There was no denying it that these two siblings clearly loved each other and I envied them. They could fight, throw things at each other and call each other names. Even scream how much they hate each other and they would still come back together as if nothing happened. Loving and affectionate and I wish that I could have that type of relationship with Mindy but I don’t think I ever will. </p><p> </p><p>“Oh would you two get a room!” Kimberly comments tossing a towel at Olivia that covers her entire right side. </p><p>I take a moment to disappear into the house to use the restroom to relieve myself leaving the others who have started horsing around. </p><p> </p><p>I look to my left and I notice a pair trunks hanging off of the shower head, I smirk to myself and I can't resist the urge that comes over me. I reach over and grab them, they are surprisingly dry the last two times that we have been to the river, they have always been a little wet the next day. But these were dry as a bone and everyone was already dressed to go to the river. </p><p> </p><p>‘Should I or shouldn’t I? I wonder if he would notice if I just… no I couldn’t.’ </p><p> </p><p>I pulled the trunks off the shower head and proceeded to undress myself, leaving my clean clothes in a pile beside the bathtub, when I was putting them on I realized that these trunks didn’t have a lining in them. Which surprised the hell out of me when I felt the fabric rubbing up against my cock thankfully the material of it wasn’t rough like the other ones. These were made out of a different material and were of a different color, they were still big on me but I managed to tie the string and out of the bathroom I went. </p><p> </p><p>Everyone was putting on sunscreen when I got to the doorway. I step over the threshold I stomp on the metal on purpose, so Armie will look up and when he does. Oh, when he does... he looks at me, just a glance at first, and then he looks at me again, his eyebrows raising, I see the light twitch of his mouth. </p><p> </p><p>“I hope you don’t mind. I- I... found this one in the bathroom.”  I say innocently holding onto the doorway to support myself until I gain my balance and begin to walk outside. </p><p> </p><p>“Yellow is a lovely color on you Timmy.”  Kimberly compliments me and looks over at Olivia. “Hey, do you know where the other bottle is Liv, I think we are just about out of this one.”</p><p> </p><p>“Again! Why are we going through sunscreen so damn fast we have only been here what five days now? Who keeps….” She trails off when she sees Mindy with a ton of sunscreen on her face and all over her exposed skin not rubbed in all the way. She looked like a ghost in a red bikini.</p><p> </p><p>“Um… Mindy you don’t need that much sunscreen chica. Come here and let me get some of that off of you before you get it in your eyes.” </p><p>While Kimberly is helping Mindy keep sunscreen out of her eyeballs, Olivia is bringing an overload of snacks, drinks and sandwiches for the trip and arranging them inside of the cooler. In a particular fashion and I begin to notice that Armie is staring at me, </p><p> </p><p>The blues of his eyes are slightly darker and his tongue is peeking out between his lips just a little and I swallow the lump in my throat. </p><p> </p><p>‘Don’t get hard not right now! This would be very very embarrassing in front of these girls and most of all Mindy no one needs to see that! Okay don’t stare at him stare at the ground!  Ugh why is he looking at me like that? Okay be brave Timmy be brave.’</p><p> </p><p>Armie motioned me over and I walked over to him standing at the edge of the concrete porch, making me an inch taller while he was standing flat on the ground. I stand a mere inch or two getting into his bubble, looking down at him, sweetly. </p><p> </p><p>“Yes?” </p><p> </p><p>“If you are going to start stealing my clothes Timmy, the least you could do is be more sneaky about it.” </p><p> </p><p>****</p><p>Armie </p><p>The first thought I had when Timmy came out the front door and was just standing there in that doorway in my swim trunks, I thought I was going to have a damn heart attack. </p><p> </p><p>‘Oh fuck are those….. They are! where in the hell did he find it? I thought I put those in a safe place.’ </p><p> </p><p>Timmy was wearing my yellow swim trunks well, I say mine what I really mean is his  swim trunks Oliver’s from when I was playing Oliver back in 2017. We had just finished wrapping the movie and I was going to miss Italy, Crema, the cast, and the crew but most of all I was going to miss Oliver. So when it came time to leave that villa for the last time, I decided to steal Oliver’s swim trunks…. All three pairs of them so I have the red and the green ones too as well as a few other things. (yes I have a bad habit of stealing things from my movies shhhhh) </p><p> </p><p>I had hidden them in my room here so I could wear them during the summer. Once I took those shorts off for the final time and went home. I was disgusted with my own shorts having way too much fabric on my legs and I couldn’t have that. But now my shorts were on Timmy’s body touching him, touching his skin and I didn’t think that someone wearing my clothes was a turn on for me apparently… my body begs to disagree.</p><p> </p><p> “I hope you don’t mind. I- I... found this one in the bathroom.” he looks directly at me and I feel my heart hammer into my rib cage. Those shorts were too big for his hips so they sat slightly lower than they were supposed to be. </p><p> </p><p>‘Oh I don’t mind at all, wear whatever makes you happy Timmy just don’t tease me with it like you are doing right now.’</p><p>I don’t say anything my body just naturally gravitates towards Timmy and I stand there next to the porch, motioning for him to come to me and he does. </p><p> </p><p>“Yes?”  his voice is sweet and innocent. </p><p> </p><p>We are so fucking close now that I can reach out and touch him, if I wanted to as I watch his green eyes dilate a tiny bit, he is clearly aware of what he is doing to me, emotionally. The feeling of wanting to pull him right off that porch and kiss him is there, that pull is there, whatever you want to call this force that keeps going back and forth between us in playful banter is exciting and new. It was something that I felt when I was with Rebecca when we first started dating and now, here I am feeling this same spark between me and Timmy. </p><p> </p><p>“If you are going to start stealing my clothes Timmy, the least you could do is be more sneaky about it.”  </p><p> </p><p>“What if I wanted you to notice?” He says challengingly in a whisper that is only meant for my ears alone as I glance at the other’s who thankfully don’t notice us.</p><p> </p><p> ‘I love this little game we play, teasing each other to the point of will we? Won’t we? It is maddening and intense but I can’t get enough of this, of him. I wanna see how far I can push before one of us cracks and right now is the perfect set up to try something.’</p><p> </p><p> “Oh I noticed, Timmy you have definitely got my attention.but you may... want to tie, that string, a little tighter huh?” </p><p> </p><p>I reach out and grab the sides of his hips, my index fingers on both of my hands slipping into the waistband to brush up against his skin as I pull the shorts up to where they are supposed to be. I feel him shiver at my touch but it is tiny and his hand reaches out grabbing my shoulder for balance.  </p><p> </p><p> “Would be ashamed if those shorts just fell off.” my eyes never leave his as I tie the string tighter for him then wait for him to get his stance before moving away, winking at him. </p><p> </p><p>‘It’s your move now Chalamet what are you going to do?’</p><p> </p><p>“Hey! A little help here bubba I am not carrying the cooler down there by myself.” </p><p> </p><p>*********</p><p>The second that we hit the water Timmy’s zeal was that of a child he was turning his tube over in the water causing the water to splash Mindy and she screams loudly from the cold. Her pink hat getting the most damage turning dark pink, she starts to splash her brother back with rapid movement of her arms and Timmy ends up falling on his ass, laughing from the wave she causes.<br/>
“Alright let’s get this show on the road! I am ready for the rapids bring them on!”  Kim jumps in her tube and tilts her head back in the water, to wet her long hair, causing her tube to tilt back.<br/>
I stood in the water and began stretching my legs, like Carol instructed me to do and how I was doing it when we were at the center moving sitting and touching my toes, to pulling my left leg to my ass, then the right leg and so on. Until I am all stretched out and then I hop into my own tube, </p><p> </p><p>We start at the end of the first half of the last rapid and begin to sway with motion of the water. we weren’t even halfway down to the large cypress tree with another tattered rope hanging from it when we hear a very sudden and very loud.</p><p> </p><p>*BOOM!*</p><p> </p><p>“God dammit not again!”  Zack curses and swims to the side of the bank, beer can in hand hanging above his head in his right hand, the rest of us stop when he does and Timmy looks over with concern in his eyes. </p><p> </p><p>“I told you not to fill the tubes up with too much air, man. But you never listen to me.”  Anthony comments with a shrug, tossing back a goldfish in his mouth. </p><p> </p><p>“Uh oh looks like Zack’s gonna have to ride someone. So who's it gonna be?”  Olivia smirks opening up her cigarette case, she pulls out a cigarette then her lighter and lights it up before putting the lighter back. </p><p> </p><p>Mindy starts snickering and Timmy soon comes right along with her and Zack rubs his hands through his hair, shirt stuck to his body like a vacuum sealed bag, his eyes glance around at everyone in the group. </p><p> </p><p>“You offering there Liv?” </p><p> </p><p>“Nope.”  she takes a drag off of her cigarette before she passes it to me and I take it from her putting it to my lips.</p><p> </p><p>He then turns to me and looks at me with a pathetic look in his eyes and I already know what he is going to say before he even says it. He and I have been friends since our elementary and high school days, and when he wants something he will beg until his face turns blue. </p><p> </p><p>“Armie, baby,  come on man, please.”  Zack pleads, giving me puppy dog eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you not remember what happened the last time you rode me Zackary? Or do you need a little reminder?” </p><p> </p><p>“Hey man! That was a fucking accident and you know it! How the hell was I supposed to know that there was gonna be a big ass snake near that bank. You can’t blame me for that one.” </p><p> </p><p>“What happened?”  Timmy asks, flipping over slowly onto his stomach letting his hands and feet stick into the water, as I slowly pull the rope towards me. </p><p> </p><p>Kimberly starts laughing.  “Oh you’re going to love this Timo you will laugh your ass off.” </p><p> </p><p>I clear my throat and glare at Kimberly, then proceed to tell Timmy what happened to us as he listens intently. </p><p> </p><p>“It was during our fourth time here and Zack decided it would be cool to go to a closed off part of the river that has more dangerous rapids, snakes, barbed wire. I was feeling a little adventurous and so I was like, alright lets do it and Olivia along with the rest of us went on that float. Mindy couldn’t go with us because she was only eleven at the time and Carol thought it was a bad idea to start with. But we went anyway and while on said float….”</p><p> </p><p>“This fucker right here.” I point directly at Zack. “decides he wants to fill up his tube with too much air, and 30 seconds into the float his tube blows up and I have to share my tube with him.”</p><p> </p><p>“See Timo, that's another rule of the river, if your tube pops you have to ride somebody all the way back to the cabin. Once it’s done it’s done bro.”  Anthony interrupts. </p><p> </p><p>Timmy looks back at me as I take another drag from the cigarette then pass it back to Olivia.<br/>
“So…” I continue. “Out of all the people that Zack could have rode he had to ride with me, and it was one of the longest, hardest days ever. We end up hitting a rapid that spun us out of control close to the bank so I go to stick my foot out and there in between my feet is a rattlesnake, and it is pissed off both of us scream like little girls and try to get away from the snake we end up falling out of the tube and it gets away from us. So my ass goes down the deepest rapid with no tube, rushing water and I end up smacking my back into a tree limb that is sticking out of the water so by the time I reach the end of it, I thought I was going to fucking drown oh! And then there was the fact that I scraped the fuck out of my arm because both of us couldn’t fit underneath the bridge we went under once we got my tube back.” </p><p> </p><p>“Fuck Armie.”  Timmy’s eyes are wide in horror, his mouth dropping open and Mindy looks like she is about to pee her pants.</p><p> </p><p>“Relax nina nothing is going to happen to you. That is on the whole other side of the river nowhere close to where we are.” Kimberly soothes her accent coming out on full display.</p><p> </p><p>In the end Zack ends up riding in Anthony’s lap in a drunken huff as we push off again leaving the trashed inner tube behind on the bank out of the way of anyone else that is floating by. </p><p> </p><p>*********</p><p>Timmy </p><p> </p><p>After the story Armie told, I was feeling a little paranoid about seeing a snake so any time we got close to the bank where the grass was tall and sticking through the rocks, I would try and shrink, by snuggling into my tube and not even touching the trees to kick off. </p><p> </p><p>The ride was smooth most of the time, and no one got stuck or had to get out of the tube.</p><p> </p><p>“Arms we lost Mindy again.” I hear Olivia mumble, as she looks at me holding out the cigarette to me, which I stare at it for a second then take it in between my fingers, holding my wrist with my other hand to steady it. I put it to my lips and breath in before blowing the smoke out of my mouth and into the air before taking another puff. </p><p> </p><p>Armie goans and flips out of his tube into the water and I watch him swim over to a large drop off where the rocks under the water get bigger into a flat island. Mindy being the drama queen that she can be is stuck underneath one of the trees, with low branches stuck in her face, with each movement she makes but is too stubborn to get out of her tube to help herself. </p><p>I watch Armie snatch my sister by the rope that is around her tube and drag the tube along as he walks his muscles straining as he tries to keep his balance. Mindy sticks her hands in the water letting it flow through her finger tips, causing drag lines in the clear water. </p><p> </p><p>The moment that Armie comes to the drop off  he drops the rope and walks behind Mindy’s tube and shoves her forward towards the current, making her float towards the rapids. Then he climbs back into his tube flopping onto his back making my tube rock as his tube bumps into mine, nearly making me drop the cigarette in the water.</p><p> </p><p>Thankfully Armie snags it from me putting it in his mouth, as he sets his feet on my tube and I look at him raising an eyebrow. He simply grins at me and Olivia begins to hum to whatever music is blasting on Anthony’s ipod from the sounds of it, it sounds like spanish music. </p><p> </p><p>“Turn that shit off!”  someone yells up in front of our group and for a second, I think Armie is going to yell at the guy who is up there in a inner tube that is in the shape of a blue and white chair, with a tan woman sitting in his lap, with a sun hat on her head, and ozzy sunglasses. </p><p> </p><p>“You don’t have to understand it to like it Jackass!”  Jessica yells back, rolling her eyes, her spanish accent I have come to notice comes out more when she is angry and I look to Olivia who gives me a reassuring smile, patting my arm that hands down, in the water. </p><p> </p><p>“Don’t like it, don't listen!” Mindy comments flipping the woman who looks at her off with her glasses up, giving her the stink eye. </p><p> </p><p>Anthony and Zack are pretty much going back and forth with the long train of black tubes of people who we don’t even know and I seriously think there is going to be a fight. Because I hear the guy yell something back about the two of them being a word that I am not going to say out loud. </p><p> </p><p>Olivia rolls her eyes at the drama and Armie just takes another puff of the cigarette as if he isn’t even paying attention. </p><p> </p><p>“Should we do something?” I finally speak up my tone filled with concern as I watch them go back and forth. </p><p> </p><p>“Timmy, Zack is pulling this type of shit all the time. He can handle his own so it is best that we stay out of it and let them handle themselves. I don’t want you getting hurt for their stupidity, people around here can be ignorant especially when they are drunk on the river. They will hash it out and then they will get over it, you just stay right here hun and things will calm down. Just focus on the movement of the river, and stick with us. We have you.”</p><p> </p><p>Armie passes what is left of the cigarette to Olivia and stretches his arms out so that they rest on his sister’s tube and I watch the fingers of her left hand, ruffle his hair, messing it up. </p><p> </p><p>“Yo Hammer the next rope swing is coming up, you in or you staying put?”  Anthony calls back before bailing out of his tube into the water, causing Zack to flip along with the tube and he comes back up spitting water and yelling at Anthony. </p><p> </p><p>I lay back in my tube and watch as the others climb up the bank, grabbing and clawing at the tree's roots to help them. My stomach tightens with anticipation watching as they go one at a time, grabbing the rope and swinging far out and then their bodies flying through the air just to land with loud splashes. Just to come back up cheering and shouting with laughter, and I felt a pang in my gut to want to try it for myself. </p><p> </p><p>‘If they can do this and be okay then so can I.’ </p><p> </p><p>I knew this was probably the craziest thing that I had ever done in my life, since Armie and Olivia had brought me down to the river the first time. I had gone through the first half of this river and survived it so if I could do that I assumed that I could do this. But in this moment I wanted to impress my new friends and show them that I could do this so without warning, I bailed out of my tube, life jacket and all swimming straight for the big cypress tree, with determination in my eyes and a fire in my belly that drove me to be brave. </p><p> </p><p>“Timmy where are you going?”  Olivia calls out but I don’t answer. I keep going and I grab a hold of that tree and try to climb up on my own, trying to use my hands like the others did, I pull myself half way up not without struggle and a few grunts, I grit my teeth and crawl up. </p><p> </p><p>A hand grabs mine and I look up to see Anthony smiling at me. “Don’t worry bro, I got you come on I’ll help you.” </p><p>“Thanks.”  I use Anthony to stand up and he takes me by the hand, leading me to a higher place up on the tree where I could use it as leverage so I don’t smack into the bottom of the rock in front of us. He positions me in front of him and I grab onto the tree’s bark to steady myself. </p><p> </p><p>‘ holy fuck! This is high oh my god this is high!’ </p><p> </p><p>I feel my heart begin to race and suddenly fear grips me tight like a vice and I swallow as I watch the rope swing in my direction and Anthony catches it for me. Holding onto it he is explaining what I have to do to me but it feels like my ears are stopped up with water, it sounds like he is mumbling. </p><p> </p><p>‘ what?’ </p><p> </p><p>“Just hold on tight man and when you get far out past the rock let go.”   he says again and this time I hear him more clearly. </p><p> </p><p>“Wait!”  I give Anthony the rope and I do the next stupidest thing I could do in my life, I am going to attempt to do this without my life jacket, I unbuckle it and let it drop on the rock and I see the look that Olivia and Armie give me. They look shocked almost speechless and I grin to myself. </p><p> </p><p>Anthony gives me the rope again and with a deep breath I tighten my hands on the rope, then without warning my body is going forward, swinging in the air. My lungs fill with air as I gasp, and I look out to Olivia and Armie with wide, nearly petrivide eyes as I go swinging back towards the tree. Then swing back out, I am scared at first due to my fear of my hands losing their grip at the wrong moment and crashing into the rock or the tree. </p><p> </p><p>“Tim you have to let go man, there’s people waiting to go.” </p><p> </p><p>‘Shit! Shit shit!’ </p><p> </p><p>“Let’s go Timmy you got this! Just aim straight for us hun.”  I shut my eyes and hold on tighter as I have a death grip on the knot of the rope and I can hear the creaking of the tree branch above me. My palms are sweating. </p><p>I hear Mindy yell at me to “let go of the rope!” and Zack whistling at me, Anthony keeps encouraging me to let go as I swing back towards the tree one more time. </p><p> </p><p>I hear a splash but I know it isn’t me, I can still feel the rope pressing against my arms, and my cheek as I cling to it. When I open my eyes and I can see Armie standing there just below me, and Olivia right there watching me. </p><p> </p><p>“Timmy, aim for this spot right here. Aim for the deepest part of the water, right where I’m standing.” </p><p> </p><p>“That’s easy for you to say! You’re not up here! This is scary as fuck man!” </p><p> </p><p>‘God why did I think I could do this?!  Have I gone crazy, I'm not scared of heights but…’ </p><p> </p><p>“If you don’t hurry the fuck up I am going to come up there a push your ass off the rope myself. Timo just fucking jump!” </p><p> </p><p>“Zack shut the hell up! You are not helping him, look at him he is scared to death and you yelling at him isn’t going to make him go any faster.”  Olivia snaps at Zack. “it’s okay Timmy if you need to get down just get down.” </p><p> </p><p>“NO! I am doing this! I- I need to do this!”  I yell back, I was tired of everyone looking at me as if I was a baby that needed to be rescued and protected all the time, I was doing this also for myself. To prove to myself that I could do this and be just like everyone else no matter what my body was doing. </p><p> </p><p>When I go back towards the tree for the final time I shove off with my feet pushing as hard as I can and when I do, my body goes over the dark green part of the water, Then my hands jerk and I let go of the rope with a scream of joy, my limbs flailing about as gravity takes its hold on me and I begin to fall, </p><p> </p><p>My body hits the water and then I am underneath it, for a second then I feel hands grab a hold of me and I am pulled to the surface, gasping and coughing up water. </p><p> </p><p>“Holy shit this kid’s got balls, he actually did it. Ha! Way to go Timo!” Anthony taking his turn he comes swing out and lets go landing close to Zack smacking him in the face with water.<br/>
It takes me a moment to gather myself  as I rest my wet head on Olivia’s shoulder while the rest of upper body is held up by Armie who surprisingly, isn’t drowning. I feel her stroke my head brushing the wet strands out of my face.</p><p> </p><p>“Timmy you are very brave.” Kimberly kisses my cheek and I glance up at Armie, who gives me a smile that makes lines near his eyes, his teeth showing.</p><p> </p><p>They help me get back into my inner tube and Kimberly is nice enough to get out of the water to go get my life jacket for me. I lay there feeling suddenly tired from the excitement, the shaking of my limbs always takes the energy from me, sometimes so I snuggle into the tube. </p><p> </p><p>“Here Timmy, let’s get this back on you then you can just lay back and chill.”  Olivia takes the vest from Kim and I shake my head no. </p><p> </p><p>“I wanna leave it off for a while, if that’s okay?”  I rest my cheek against the rubber of the tube, draping my arms across my stomach, I hear the clicking of my life jacket, and soon I feel myself drifting off the sleep by the comforting  movement of the river.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading and the comments ^-^ </p><p> </p><p>Oh and the whole riding each other thing on one inner tube is real. Reason being once you are on the river you can get out of it but I don't recommend going down the rapids without a tube XD it does hurt like a bitch however, this happened to a family friend who popped his tube and he is one of those friends who I call uncle because he is older than me, so he had to ride with my mom all the way until the end of the second part of the river and its been a running joke ever since.  But all made in good hilarious fun so I thought this would be another fun thing to share with you all.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The gang is nearly to the end of the second part of the frio and things get… well, I’ll just let you read for yourself.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This did actually happen to a friend of mine personally and I was there too along for the crazy ride. sadly however me and this friend are no longer friends. We kick it off this time through Olivia’s perspective, then will follow with Armie’s then Timmy’s so here we go!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Olivia </p><p>Getting to see my brother and Timmy interact with each other is something magical, I have been through my brother’s many friendships along the road of his life and I have never seen him smile so much than when he and Timmy are together. </p><p> </p><p>He just has this glow about him that when he smiles it makes my heart swell with happiness. Sappy I know, but it's true, I have seen him go through so much disappointment and other people letting him down that I can not tell you how many times I have seen my brother cry. So when Timmy started coming around I was skeptical of his intentions and his sensarity with my Armie. </p><p> </p><p>They had been spending an awful lot of time together, both on and off the river laughing, joking around and touching each other. Now, don’t get me wrong, I am all for touching people hugging, high fives, the whole comradery thing. It's a good thing to let your guard down around others and to allow them to see you for who you are. But with Armie…. He tends to over do it sometimes. </p><p> </p><p>See when my brother likes somebody and I do mean this in general he has a tency to constantly want to touch them. With Timmy I have been noticing that when he touches him, it’s always on his lower back, his shoulder, usually squeezing it, letting his fingers brush his hand every so often and I can’t help but get the feeling there is something more going on, that I am dying to get my mind wrapped around. </p><p> </p><p>I fully know that Timmy needs help from time to time due to him having cerebral palsy, like Armie that is something that they have in common and have bonded over. But… I just, don’t- </p><p> </p><p>“Liv can you toss me one of the sandwiches? I’m starving.”  my brother’s words snap me out of my thoughts and I blink looking up at him. </p><p> </p><p>“Um yeah, sure. Just a sec.”  Reaching over I undo the bungee cord and pull the lid up, and start looking at the labels on the bags that I marked with what type of sandwiches they are. I am just a neat and tidy organized person that way. </p><p> </p><p>“Alright we got tuna, ham and cheese, turkey and cheese, pb&amp;j, and baloney with cheese. Pick your poison bro.”</p><p> </p><p>“pb&amp;j and I’ll take a beer while you're in there please.”  I pass over the sandwich and the beer to him before I attend to our friends, who have now, latched onto us so that we have our own little train going as we float with a gentle ease along with the tadpoles and the catfish. </p><p> </p><p>“I want the tuna.”  Anthony speaks up and Zack looks at him disgusted. “What?! I love tuna fish sandwiches.” </p><p> </p><p>“That’s gross homie. You even eat that and you even breathe on me….” </p><p> </p><p>Zack begins and Anthony makes a show out of opening the plastic baggie and taking a bite out of his sandwich. Making the loudest moan you would think that came from a porno just to push his point across and tease, annoy the crap out of Zack to make him uncomfortable.</p><p> </p><p>“Aw you are nasty! Get away from me!”  Zack turns his head to the left and makes a gagging noise.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey man, you’re the one that decided to ride on top of me. So you gotta deal with it unless, you wanna go bare bodied down the monster rapid, all by yourself and you know, that your ass would drown as much as you’ve been drinking.” </p><p> </p><p>“That’s it, I'm bailing. I have to take a piss, save one of the hams for me Liv please.”  I watch Zack move away from the group and go a little ways out to a deeper part of the river and tread water. </p><p> </p><p>I grab one of the turkey sandwiches for myself and toss Kimberly her boloney sandwich that she nearly misses as the sandwich bounces off the rubber of her inner tube and almost lands in the water but she grabs it with her right hand, her leg going up into the air. </p><p> </p><p>“Gracias mi amor.”  she blows a kiss at me and I lift up my sunglasses to wink at her before setting them back down. <br/>“Hey Timmy do you want…”  I look over and Timmy is the pure sight of cuteness, If I had my phone on me I would have taken a picture right then. </p><p> </p><p>He has his head tilted to the side resting his cheek, on my brother’s arm, while Armie kept him close, holding onto the side of his tube, his left hand keeping my brother’s hand captive within his own. His legs dangling over the side of his tube, his wet curls falling over his right eye, while his right hand was still hugging his stomach as his chest moved up and down, lightly snoring. </p><p> </p><p>Armie looks at me with one part of the sandwich bag in between his teeth while the other is in his hand, pulling it slowly open with a slow snapping sound. His beer resting on his lap, unopened. </p><p> </p><p>“Do you need help?” </p><p> </p><p>“Nah, I got it.”  he pops the bag open just as Zack comes swimming back over to us and forces himself back on top of Anthony who is half way done with his sandwich and moving to dig into the cooler, for what I can only assume is his coca cola he’s stashed in our cooler since Zack loves to steal his drinks. </p><p> </p><p>“Damn he can sleep forever. This little fucker is out cold.” </p><p> </p><p>“Zack don’t!” I hiss at him and he smirks at me, with mischievous intent in his eyes. “Zachary don’t you dare wake him up.” </p><p> </p><p>He comes close to Timmy’s tube and he bumps his foot first, with his finger, making the tube jolt a little and Timmy gives movement, his right foot kicking out and a soft whine,</p><p> </p><p>“What he is missing out on all the fun! What’s the point in floating on the river if you don’t have a little fun. Besides, he’s slept enough, wakey wakey Timo!” he shouts. </p><p> </p><p>This time he bumps his shoulder into the tube and Timmy whines. “Mindy fuck off.”  This makes Zack chuckle and I see the look in my brother’s eyes change, from calm to irritated as he chews his food and I can tell he wants to tell his friend something. </p><p> </p><p>“Zack shut the hell up!”  </p><p> </p><p>“God Olivia what the fuck is your problem? I’m just having a little fun with him that’s all. Jesus, ever since this kid has been around you haven’t been fun at all. What happened to the girl I use to get drunk with?” </p><p> </p><p>I leer at Zack. “Timmy is my responsibility he is all of our responsibility if something happens to him, and he drowns because you are being fucking stupid then it is our asses. People who are like Timmy do not get enough sleep as it is! You try going to sleep when you have no control over your own limbs jerking at random. </p><p> </p><p>Zack rolls his eyes and bumps Timmy’s tube one more time and Timmy’s arm jerks trying to swat at him, but he ends up hitting air, his untaken hand jerking when he moves, trying to get closer to Armie in his sleep. </p><p> </p><p>“This isn’t something that he can control or just stop. The part of his brain that is damaged sends the messages from his brain to hands as a misfire causing him to jerk at random times. There is nothing that TImmy can do about this and you fucking with him-”</p><p> </p><p>I try to explain and Armie grinds his teeth, sits up getting in Zack’s face. “Get. the. Fuck. away. From him Zack if he wakes up…. I am going to make you go down el monstro without Anthony or any of us for that matter and then you can figure out how to get back home on your own. Back away.” </p><p> </p><p>“Zack you can ride with me if that happens.”  Mindy says snatching a beer from the cooler and opening it with a loud crack. </p><p> </p><p>Zack glances at Timmy for a moment then back to Armie and I raise my eyebrow slowly feeling the hostility of the moment. The air cracking between them before the idiot in the water moves away completely mumbling something under his breath. </p><p> </p><p>“Thanks Mindy, at least someone around here cares about my safety. You’re so sweet.”  </p><p> </p><p>When things settle down again I reach out and touch Armie’s shoulder, his eyes are focused on Timmy. I can see something go across his features and I smirk suddenly having the urge to tease my older brother about his protective nature coming out. </p><p> </p><p>“Look at you getting all parental on Zack bubba, damn if you aren’t careful someone is gonna think you actually care about someone other than me.”  I tease. </p><p>He turns his head and takes a huge bite out of his sandwich leaving a dented smile in the middle of his bread as crumbs fall on his shirt. His eyebrows shooting up towards his hair, he swallows down the bite and playfully pokes me in the side with his finger and I let out a very loud squeal. </p><p>Timmy rolls over and I hold my breath as I see him pull Armie’s arm over his body, effectively trapping his arm, snuggling with it, his cheek resting against the tube now while his other arm disappears through the hole of the tube going down into the water in what looks to me a very uncomfortable position. </p><p>*******</p><p>Later in the day it became cloudy and dark on the river, the sun had been out for most of the float so we were pretty much good, except for the constant reapplication of sunscreen, and endlessly dipping our hands in the water to cool off each other’s tubes so we didn’t burn ourselves to death. </p><p> </p><p>Timmy had been snoozing for an hour or so it seemed which was a good thing but every so often Armie or myself would have to calm him when he would want to roll over in his sleep. So that he wouldn’t take a header into the water but other than that I was concerned with him not being in his life jacket. </p><p> </p><p>“Armie I don’t know if he should go down el monstro without a life jacket on, what if he flips out of his tube.”</p><p> </p><p>“We can wake him up before we get to that point so he’s ready but for now let him sleep.” is all Armie had to say about the matter and I trusted my brother to know that when the time came, he would do the right thing. </p><p> </p><p>There was one year when I actually thought I was going to lose Armie to el monstro when he fell out of his tube and was dragged underwater for a good minute. While his tube thrashed about hitting up against the trees and the bank, before dipping down into the rapid again. Thankfully I grabbed him by his shirt and was able to get him onto his tube not without difficulty of course. </p><p> </p><p>El monstro. The monster. Is what Kimberly named the rapid because so many people have gotten hurt, drowned and I’m sure some people have died going through this thing. Like a monster the river rushes so fast, and before you know it, you are being knocked around like a mouse and then the water swallows you up and doesn’t let go of you for a minute or two, constantly pushing you until you reach the end. </p><p> </p><p>The shoot itself is a long narrow path that curves left,  to the right of this rapid and off to the side is a fallen cypress tree that had broken during one of the worst rain storms, we had up here during my 8th time up here with Armie. The rains were heavy, the clouds like soot and the winds sounded like a hurricane was sweeping through the place. </p><p>Of course this only happened a few days when we weren’t on the river itself. So none of us got hurt thankfully. But that tree has not moved since that day, and that is why we have the rule of don’t go down as a group, to separate when Armie got dragged, I was attached to him when it happened. </p><p> </p><p>I hear the rushing of water and my anxiety spikes as I look at Armie, he gives me a nod of his head and I take a few deep breaths through my nose and out of my mouth. My hands are shaking so much that the cigarette that I had recently lit after the one hours earlier, falls into the water snuffing it out. I am truly scared of this part even if I have gone through this countless times, it still gets to me. </p><p> </p><p>“Don’t worry Liv, everything is going to be fine, I’ll see you on the way down okay. Just breathe, it will be okay.” </p><p> </p><p>We start floating closer to the tree and I grab a hold of the root to steady myself, as the water rushes underneath me, rocking me a bit, pulling me coaxing me to let go of the tree and just fall into its depths. Armie and Timmy are right behind me, I can feel my brother’s legs up against the back of my calves. </p><p> </p><p>“Okay Liv, you’re gonna go first and then I’ll send Timmy down to you.” </p><p>******</p><p>Armie</p><p>I manage to get Timmy alert and awake, then helping him get his life jacket back on and tightened, as he looks at me with worried eyes, I calmly explain to him, that this is just another one of those times that he is going to have to go through the rapid by himself and that Liv will be right in front of him to catch him. </p><p> </p><p>“Okay Liv, you’re gonna go first and then I’ll send Timmy down to you.”  she looks at me and I know she isn’t so much as scared of what has happened yet, it is what could happen that does.” </p><p> </p><p>I watch as Zack and Anthony go flying down together, their hooping and hollering can be heard over the various others who are going through the shoot. Effortlessly without fear or anything stopping them, a few passer byers nod to us and I nod back as a woman and her four children go rocking by. </p><p> </p><p>“Stay to the left! You don’t you will flip!”  I yell and then Liv is gone. She propels herself as far left as she can and I watch her go screaming my name as she does, before the laughter comes out into the air and I know she is alright. </p><p> </p><p>Now it is just Timmy and I that needs to go. I grab a hold of his tube and I swing him around to face me so that he isn’t staring directly at the roaring water. He can still hear it but if he can’t see it and focus his attention on me, then I know he will relax and just let himself loose and it won’t be as scary as he thinks it is in his mind. </p><p> </p><p>“This is not as bad as you think Timmy, look at me I am going to make sure you go through this nice and smoothly. All you have to do is keep to the left part of the river so that you can clear the tree, then it’s just sailing from there. River is going to throw you around a bit but I promise, you will be just fine, now, what’s the rule about the tree? Do you remember?”</p><p> </p><p>“If I am close enough push off with my foot and if that doesn’t work use my hand. Armie are you sure about this?”</p><p> </p><p>“Are you kidding me? You went off the swing your first time ever and without a life jacket on! You’re a fucking superstar Timmy. Fuck you’re…”  I shake my head and just laugh. “You inspire me Timmy. Now, go and make this river your bitch.” </p><p> </p><p>I push Timmy forward and let the rope slip from my hands letting the current take him from me and I watch as he sails to the far left and around the tree out of my sight. <br/>I settle myself back into my tube and hold onto the root tightly in my hand, trying to keep myself facing forward while the current presses me up against the tree and then releases into a pulling motion. Begging me to let go and just come to it, and I shut my eyes for a moment, then I shove off and away from the root. </p><p> </p><p>The water pulls me, sucks me in and I go to the left riding up the wave like a halfpipe and go whooshing back down to the middle, I can see Timmy in front of me spinning out of control laughing with glee, and Olivia seems to be smiling herself.  </p><p> </p><p>I swerve to the right and hit another bank and I go spinning, then the next thing I know, I am going too far right, and riding up the very tree that has flipped so many before me. I feel my tube tilt and I go from looking at the water to looking at the sky and my tube below me, going without me. </p><p> </p><p>“Son of a bitch!” I hear Zack laughing and the others are cracking up, as I smack the water hard and the current takes me forward, knocks me into a few rocks with my back, nothing too serious the price you pay for having fun tubing it doesn’t come without bruises, cuts, scrapes. </p><p> </p><p>“Armie! Are you okay!”  my sister yells when I start cursing in spanish, Kimberly dies laughing and Mindy gets out of her tube thinking she is going to catch me. </p><p> </p><p> I relax my body and just let the current do it’s thing, it makes me tumble, and I go under the water a few times, but I don’t panic. Panicking is what gets you in the worst of circumstances so, I decide to head straight for Timmy, going under the water again, I am pushed towards his tube, and I latch on to it, he looks at me.</p><p> </p><p>“Going my way?”  I turn my head and spit the water that was in my mouth out, and tighten my hold on the inner tube, resting my chin on it, with a sigh. </p><p> </p><p>“You are one crazy bastard Armie Hammer.”  I hear Timmy murmur as we go through the last part of the rapid now slowing down in momentum, we are getting closer to the shallow part, where we have no choice but to walk.</p><p> </p><p>*****</p><p>“Dude you should have fucking seen… oh my god! You should have seen the look on your face when you rode up that fucking tree it was priceless and that girl scream you let out. Oh that was just….”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, well next time I’ll toss your ass up that tree and let’s see how you feel Anthony.”  I playfully take a few jabs at Anthony with my fists, lightly beating him up as the seven of us walk across the rocks, splashing through the water as we head further down the stream to the next rapid, my sister dragging the now half empty cooler we have thanks to el monstro, practically tearing it open and dumping out most of our stuff, during the whole chaos.</p><p> </p><p>“I thought he was very brave,”  Mindy takes my hand, lacing my fingers with hers that causes my sister to smirk.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh Mindy would you stop with the ass kissing, everybody already knows you want to suck Armie’s cock so quit with the act.”  Zack snaps in annoyance.</p><p> </p><p>I can feel Timmy’s uneasiness coming off of him, as he looks up at me, with a hint of jealousy in his eyes before looking away from me. He is trying his best to balance himself on his own, to not ask me for help and I feel like in some way I have upset him. <br/>‘Is he angry with me? Did I do something?’ </p><p> </p><p>I take my left hand and very purposefully bump Timmy’s fingers with my own, brushing my ring and pinkie finger, up against his in a silent gesture, as my eyes remain on the others. Making sure no one is paying much attention. </p><p> </p><p>“Nobody is sucking any cock okay! Can we please change the subject before I throw up!” Kim comments, with a roll of her eyes. </p><p> </p><p>“We need to hurry up and get through the second half, heading into Neal’s guys it looks like it wants to rain.”  Olivia observes looking up at the clouds that have gotten a little greyer. </p><p> </p><p>Timmy glances around and I feel the smallest hesitation of his pinkie hit mine, and then it curls into mine. I swallow and keep my face blank trying not to show the spark that erupts in my nerves and up my spine. I hear him let out a tiny gasp and slightly go off kilter and stumble slightly into me. </p><p> </p><p>“You okay?” </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I tripped on one of the rocks. Uh, how much further before we don’t have to walk anymore? My legs hurt.” </p><p> </p><p>Without a second thought I drop my hand from Mindy’s completely and she breathes a huff through her mouth and runs for Zack who pays her no mind but walks beside her anyway and Kimberly drags her tube along the water. </p><p> </p><p>"Hold this for a second." I say turning to my sister who grabs the rope with our tubes, letting them float behind her as I turn back to Timmy and pick him up effortlessly.</p><p> </p><p>"Woah!" </p><p> </p><p> Timmy lets out a breathy chuckle, as his body goes over my shoulders, I wrap my right hand around his wrists and my other hand around the back of his knees.</p><p> </p><p>Olivia glances up at us as I trudge through the water sloshing around and splashing on our legs, with each curplung of our feet in unison apart from Timmy’s.</p><p>"Armie if you fall down I'm going to laugh at you. I hope you know that." </p><p> </p><p>"I am not gonna fall, I have gone through his river thousands of ti- oh god!"  I make a motion of pretending to stumble. </p><p> </p><p>I feel Timmy tense up for a second then I hear his beautiful laugh and Olivia tenses unexpectedly and I start laughing when she looks at me with a "jerk" look. Smacking me with the back of her hand, aiming for my shoulder but I turn quickly and make her give Timmy a high five instead. </p><p> </p><p>"One of these days you are going to give me a heart attack and then you are going to be really sad when I die. You asshole!" </p><p>*****</p><p>Timmy </p><p> </p><p>I didn’t mind being on Armie’s shoulders looking like a dead deer for a few seconds, softly bouncing as we walked across the river. I got to take in the scenery, all of the gorgeous green trees, the minos that danced around in river, and get to see all of different colored pebbles under the water. </p><p> </p><p>The smell of pine filling my nose along with Armie’s shampoo that smelled very minty, the heavy scent of sunscreen, and every so often I would get a whiff of Olivia’s body spray. </p><p> </p><p>“Getting tired of me yet?” I whisper close to Armie’s ear and he shakes his head surprisingly he didn’t complain with me being in the position that I was in. </p><p> </p><p>“You’re fine Timmy.”  He stops suddenly and he slowly bends down at his waist, setting me back down on my feet, a soft grunt comes out of his mouth, and I am shot with a strong shiver as my bare feet hit the cold water, the rocks hard and slippery under my feet. </p><p> </p><p>From above there is a loud rumbling noise and I look up as the first few drops fall on my face, as the others are getting into their tubes. But Armie doesn’t budge, he doesn’t even get in his tube, he just looks at me with a look that makes me nervous. </p><p> </p><p>“Alright now we really got to move our asses, Timmy hop in the tube we gotta get going.”   </p><p> </p><p>‘What is going on in that head of his?  I don’t trust the way he is looking at me right now, he looks like he is up to something.’ </p><p> </p><p>Flop onto my tube as Armie holds onto it for me, the moment that I am situated and feel safe in the tube again, I see Olivia and the others are making their way to the rapid. Mindy is yelling at us calling us slow pokes and Zack pretty much tells us to pick up the pace. </p><p> </p><p>“Ass up Chalamet.” </p><p> </p><p>“Wait what? Why?”  I feel very confused but Armie doesn’t answer me, he just looks back at me, his eyes are almost the color of the sky right now, grey under his dark eyelashes, his mouth perking up at the corner. </p><p>Anthony whistles and then the next thing I know, Armie is taking off across the water in a dead run, the water isn’t that deep at all, and my body isn’t at all that heavy but my ass drags across some of the rocks. The tube makes scraping noise but Armie keeps going the only thing I can do is hold on to the sides of where smaller rope is wrapped around my tube. </p><p> </p><p>“Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ow shit! Armieeeeee why didn’t you fucking warn me!”   I finally lean forward and latch onto his wrists and use him as a way to lift myself up, </p><p> </p><p>“I told you to lift your ass up!” he is laughing at me and in that moment I want to smack him for laughing at my pain but then again, I find myself laughing like an idiot, my hair blowing in the small breeze as water splashes all around me from Armie’s feet and his massive steps, the pebbles underneath his feet shift and move, I can hear the constant tapping in my ears. </p><p> </p><p>The closer we get to the deeper water Armie ends up tripping over a rock and he purposefully face plants into the deeper water and then I find myself, sailing underneath a set of tree branches, covered in leaves that are hanging low, I have to lay back to keep from hitting my face on them. </p><p> </p><p>“You okay Timmy?”  I see Olivia stop herself by grabbing one of the branches, the current gently pulling her backwards as she faces me, her sunglasses gone from her head, to her neck, hanging from a bright neon orange colored foam holder, with a green and yellow ball attached.</p><p> </p><p>“Where’s Armie? We are about to go down the waterfall.” </p><p> </p><p>I jump when I feel something go underneath me and touch my ass, then Armie pops up from the middle of his tube and I drag my hand across the water and fling it up towards him. Splashing the side of his face, when he pulls his arms through and leans forward. </p><p> </p><p>My face turns pale when it dawns on me that Olivia just said the word waterfall and all the fun that I was just having, stops as Armie tries to catch his breath from laughing so much. I feel this pit in my stomach and I begin to feel queasy at the very thought of going over something so huge and dangerous. </p><p> </p><p>‘Please tell me she is joking! Ha ha ha just kidding Timmy I was just yanking your chain. Please… please… please.’</p><p> </p><p>I stay silent for a while trying to wrap my head around this, as Armie pulls us away from the trees and out into the current, driving his arms into the water he paddles until I see his arms, just floating and he pulls himself back up onto his own tube.<br/>“You’re being awfully quiet.”  Armie taps my foot with his foot, as I hold onto the open part of my life jacket, a lot tighter than I should be it’s causing my hands to shake a lot harder. I jerk but it’s not enough for me to release my hold, this one is gentle and less surprising this time. Maybe it’s because my mind is screaming for help at the moment. </p><p> </p><p>“Tim…. are you okay?” I can feel the rains pattering on top of us as we go further so far it’s been droplets and nothing really heavy enough, at least not yet. But it hits me in the face so it looks as though I have been crying, I stare right through Armie, he thinks that I am staring at him, but what I am really looking at is my feet. </p><p> </p><p>“Me okay.”  </p><p> </p><p>I mumble and immediately he taps my foot with his foot again, grey slowly turning to a lighter much softer blue, his head tilts a little, there is a slight crease on his forehead. His lips are a straight line and for some reason, I feel something in my chest move. </p><p> </p><p>“No you’re not. As much as you like to think you are-” I watch him move his feet, turning them inward as mine are and press them against mine. I close my eyes for a second, before I open them again, and he is staring at me with an unguarded openness, that makes me want to talk. </p><p> </p><p>“Timmy, your body language says differently, your facial expressions say differently. So what’s up?” </p><p> </p><p>“Is there really a waterfall?” </p><p> </p><p>"Wa…. Oh! Oh. Timmy it's nothing like... Wait, did you really think it was going to be something like Niagra Falls where there is like rushing water with an endless drop off." </p><p> </p><p>"Well, what the hell am I supposed to think Armie?!!!"  I throw my hands up into the air shrugging my shoulders, my eyes widening when I see just how close to the waterfall we are, I see Mindy got over the side then I hear Anthony curse in spanish, and Zack tries to hang onto the tube as they go straight down the middle, Olivia throws her hands up in the air and goes down the slide before she flips out of her tube. </p><p> </p><p>“Timmy relax, the waterfall itself is not as big as you think and there is a part that dips down onto the right side of it so it looks like there is a tiny slide attached to it.”</p><p> </p><p>I bite my lip and try to not let my skepticism show in my eyes but by the way Armie is shifting and getting up from the tube, standing up, he holds out his right hand to me. While the other holds onto the rope that was floating between us. </p><p> </p><p>“Come on I’ll show you.”  </p><p> </p><p>I take Armie’s hand and he leads me through the water, holding my hand tightly we walk through the rushing current on the slippery moss covered rocks, and when we get close enough away from the current, he tells me to look down over the side. </p><p> </p><p>The middle of the waterfall looks like a fist with water rushing over it coming down and spilling outwards into mist, it’s gorgeous and just like he had said on the right side there is a part of the rock formation that turns to the right and curves downwards just like a slide on the playground. </p><p> </p><p>“See not so bad huh? As long as you stay to the right side of it you don’t bust your ass and topple over like those two dorks did.” </p><p> </p><p>"Are they always at each other's throats? Anthony and Zack?" </p><p> </p><p>"They were college roommates Timmy. They are like brothers and when you have siblings well, you tend to fight as siblings do but those two are conjoined at the hip. They may seem like they don't like each other but in reality those two couldn't be separated." </p><p> </p><p>I tug on Armie’s hand and he looks at me, his eyes follow my gaze and there walking along, getting close to the river is a buck.</p><p> </p><p>The deer lifts his head up, it's ears perked up and alert, it stares straight at me. </p><p> </p><p>For a moment I stay completely frozen and wonder if the deer will run off, but as I keep my eyes on it, out of the corner of my left eye I see Armie moving slowly towards it. As he does so he pulls me slowly along with him still attached to my hand. </p><p> </p><p>“Armie I don’t know if messing with that deer is such a good idea.” I warn as we step back into the clear water, and he slowly swishes through it, keeping his eyes dead on the deer, that has lowered its head to get a drink of water. </p><p> </p><p>The clacking of its hooves catch my attention. We are halfway across the water, when it starts to dart away, trying to get up the stone walling and back towards the wooded part. It struggles for a moment, until Armie gets to the other side and stops suddenly, its wide eyes become wider almost as if it is in shock and stays very still. </p><p> </p><p>I hold my breath when Armie gets closer to it, his right hand sticking out while he keeps ahold of my other hand. </p><p> </p><p>‘That deer is going to gore him I can feel it! This is a bad idea, this is such a bad idea.’ </p><p> </p><p>He comes closer and closer until he is within touching distance of the deer and before I can say “don’t do it” Armie is petting the deer right before my very eyes.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading! in the next chapter we get into the night of Zack's party and a lot of crazy things happen there as well so get ready for booze, dancing, and stupidity! XD</p><p>The next few chapters will possibly contain nudity so be warned I will put another trigger warning at the beginning of the next chapter as well ^^</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Party Like Rockstars</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Zack is throwing a party and the group decides to go where craziness ensues. Elio gets to experience his very first extreme party and things turn into chaos. Elio says and does things while at the party, the problem is he can’t remember ever doing them.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>*Warning* Lots of drug use, possible in the next coming up chapters sexual content, nudity, Rated M)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>That same day...</p><p> </p><p>Armie </p><p>We stayed in the river until the sun started to go down, the sky turning a tangerine and pink color orange juice and pink lemonade, mixed together. It’s stunning.</p><p> </p><p>After we get back to the cabin Kimberly and Olivia call dibs on the first showers. Leaving Timmy and  to sit outside on the front porch, in our bathing suits and towels wrapped around us to dry off.  </p><p> </p><p>“Do we need to go tell your parents that you are going to go to Zack’s party?” I ask unwrapping my towel from my waist to rub my head dry, before taking care of the rest of my body, my feet leaving the dark, wet outlines of my feet as I move around. </p><p> </p><p>“Nah, they trust me enough to let me do whatever I want to as long as I am careful.”  Timmy’s tone is very nonchalant and I wonder if he was actually telling the truth.</p><p> </p><p>“We don’t have to go if you don’t want to. You and I can stay here and watch tv or-”<br/>“Armie I will be fine okay, stop worrying so much. I have been to a party before, as long as I know where the exits are and keep track of how much I am drinking.” </p><p> </p><p>Timmy reassures me with his confident smile and I can only hope that he will be okay, as my sister and Kimberly make their way to the door to inform us that we could use the showers. Dressed in their clothes again with their towels wrapped around their heads looking like twins.</p><p>******</p><p> </p><p>The first step I took into Zack’s cabin felt like I was transported back to my teenage years in New York City sneaking out of my parent’s house for the first time to go to the club with Zack. The music is blaring, it's not just loud, the bass is so strong that I can literally feel my chest vibrating, and in turn it feels like my heart is buzzing within my ribcage, Billie Eilish’s voice assaults my ears with her calming, smooth voice dominating the entire house with her voice.</p><p> </p><p>The air is fogged with smoke from everyone smoking weed, and the smell is unmistakable, and the smell of sweat lingers as we walk through the front door. My sister beside me, Kimberly leading the pack, while Timmy is stuck to me like glue, the adrenaline pumping from his excitement. </p><p> </p><p>There are people scattered all throughout the cabin inside and outside all men and women, some I recognize from Zack’s group while the others are people I’ve never seen in my life. Drinking, playing beer pong in the dining room, smoking, laughing, talking over the loud music, desperate men wanting to get laid, and others making out with other strangers just for the hell of it. Like some damn frat house party. </p><p> </p><p>“I am going to go get a drink. Do you guys want anything?”  Kimberly asks looking back at the three of us. I shake my head no, my sister nods yes her head bobbing to the music, Timmy nods yes and I look at him. </p><p> </p><p>“Are you even allowed to drink?”</p><p> </p><p>“I can as long as I keep track of how much I have had and not over do it.”  he replies and Kim disappears looking for the kitchen while the rest of us mingle. </p><p> </p><p>My sister takes Timmy by the hand as the song changes and disappears with him towards where everyone is dancing and without warning, Timmy drags me along too. I laugh seeing his enthusiasm almost to the point of running.</p><p>He dances unafraid of what others will think of his dance moves, but he is the best dancer out of this entire room. I gareen-fucking tee it the others here do not have a chance when everyone gathers in a huge circle and they are dancing off each other. He gets in there and tears it up to the point everyone is shocked and cheering his fucking name, I can’t do much but sit back and smile. </p><p> </p><p>Once again he’s proven that he can do whatever other people who don’t have cerebral palsy can. </p><p> </p><p>When Kimberly comes back she hands me Timmy’’s cup and goes to join them in dancing, he looks over at me longingly. I hold up his cup and point to it, he runs over to me, takes it from my hand and drinks it down in one big gulp. I watch his face twist in disgust. </p><p> </p><p>“Ugh! That is gross!”  he complains looking at me, and I laugh my ass off it was some off brand beer. </p><p> </p><p>“I tried to tell you.” I warned him and he rolled his eyes at me, and grabbed me by my shirt, tugging me with him to dance with him. </p><p> </p><p>The beat begins to pick up a little and my feet follow the beat and I soon lose myself in the music, it flows through my body and the energy of everyone arounds us infects me like a parasite, soon the lights flick off and the room lights up with a strobe light, flashes of green, blue, pink, purple, come into my field of vision and I realize that people are spinning glow sticks.</p><p> </p><p>Everyone starts jumping around and dancing even closer to each other so many bodies crowded together in one spot, feeding off of each other’s energy. Timmy  is having a blast, I see that he’s stolen one of the glow sticks and is spinning like a bow staff all over the place, lighting up his shirt with each pass. </p><p> </p><p>As the night continued, Timmy wraps his arms around me and whispers in my ear if he could try another drink. This time, he wants to do tequila and I nearly cough on the beer I was drinking and look at him in surprise. </p><p> </p><p>“Are you sure? Tequila is pretty strong shit Timmy it burns going down.”  I look at him with concern </p><p> </p><p>“Yes, please.” </p><p>“Okay I’ll do it with you.” I take him to the kitchen, while my sister is dancing with Kimberly to some spanish song I don’t even know what it’s about. </p><p> </p><p>I look around for the tequila bottle I snag the salt off the counter that someone just put down and steal an already cut lime from a basket that was on the counter closest to the fridge. </p><p> </p><p>Timothee watches me intently, emerald eyes filled with inexperience and curiosity as I take the salt and pour it on my hand, I then take the tequila bottle in my hand. </p><p> </p><p>“Now here is the proper way to do this. Watch closely.” I instruct licking the salt from my hand, I pop the tequila in my mouth and drink then put the lime in my mouth and suck on it. Feeling the burn of it going down my throat, I visibly shiver and he asks how is it?</p><p> </p><p>“It’s been awhile since I had tequila but my advice to you is be careful drinking this shit. They don’t lie about your clothes falling off.” </p><p> </p><p>He looks at me puzzled and I shake my head. “Nevermind. Ready?” He gives me a nod and I repeat the process, then I tell him. “Lick, drink, suck. In that order okay?” </p><p> </p><p>“Lick, drink. Suck.” I hear him repeat the words back to me then nods his head, takes a breath and says, “okay. Yeah let’s do this!” </p><p> </p><p>I watch closely at his face as he does everything: his face twists, his eyes water, and he coughs, his fingers grab a hold of the counter “fuck It’s hot! How do people drink this stuff?” he looks at me then comes closer, wrapping his arms around me. </p><p> </p><p>“They don’t drink it for the taste. That's something you learn when you are more experienced with drinking. Some drinks you drink of the taste, while others you drink to get drunk off of, for example, if you ever hear someone say drinking a “girly drink” say, like a martini that usually means, drinking for the taste like fruity drinks compared to whiskey, tequila, etc.” </p><p> </p><p>“Oh…” he trailed off, dropping his arms from me, taking a step back, his hands twisting the bottom of his shirt. <br/>“You okay?” I reach out and gently touch his shoulder, my eyes fixated on his pale face, his cheeks look redder, flusher than normal for him. I wonder if it is from us dancing with the room being hot and all the bodies or if it is the alcohol. </p><p> </p><p>“Can we go outside for a second? I feel like I'm going to be sick” With a nod I wrap my arm around his shoulder, we weave in and out of the people, who are still crowding the hallways and the doorways talking, and we head outside for some fresh air. </p><p> </p><p>From outside the music sounds like muffled booming as we stand there smoking. Timmy seems to be feeling better, his face looks relaxed, his curls bouncing softly with the bass, head bobbing lightly while his body sways, his feet moving side to side. </p><p> </p><p>“Having fun?” </p><p> </p><p>“This is amazing! Thank you Armie for letting me come with you, and for bringing me here. I love it! I- thank you.” </p><p> </p><p>The look of amusement that covers my face and my smile doesn’t escape Timmy in the slightest, I take a step towards him then another, when I see him have a look of shock on his face. He sees me pull out a joint from my pocket and light it, taking a few puffs off of it. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey, it’s alright. You don’t have to do anything that you don’t want to do, I just smoke to relax.” </p><p> </p><p>“I’m not judging you and I never said that I didn’t want to smoke with you.”  </p><p> </p><p>He replies with a grin, taking the joint from me putting it to his lips, sealing his mouth around it. He takes a deep breath and I watch the end of the tip glow, suddenly my throat feels dry and I look away staring out at the sky. </p><p>As the party kicks up Timmy has found that he likes strawberry, peach flavored margaritas and when I say he likes them, I mean he is sucking them down like water. One after another after another, and he is drunk off his ass, and so am I. We are also very high and that can’t be a good combination, because everything that Timmy  said about” thank you” suddenly goes out the window as we somehow start to fight about me telling him that he’s had enough to drink and he turns into a very ugly fighter. </p><p>"I don't need you looking after me, Armie! I can look after myself. I’m not a baby and I am not completely helpless so stop treating me as if I don’t have a choice and can’t make decisions on my own! I am a fucking adult and I am not going to let anyone tell me otherwise!”</p><p> </p><p> I go stumbling back into a wall as Armie follows me trying to keep me steady on my feet, I feel his hands on my body and I glare at him. I jerk my arm away from him and use my hand scooting it along with my palm flat on the wall, even though I am starting to shake. I force myself to walk. I don’t want to be anywhere near Armie anymore, he doesn’t understand and won’t ever understand my pain. No one does except Charlie. </p><p> </p><p>I was higher and drunker than Armie. The night progressed into more heavy partying things were becoming out of control and all he wanted to do was take me back to the cabin where it was safe and talk things out. While I wanted to continue to party I wanted to enjoy myself more while he wanted to go home. I didn’t. </p><p> </p><p>"Tim... Let me at least take you home. please, then if you want nothing to do with me after that... then I will leave you alone. But you are not safe here, Zack is not a good guy and you are not in the right state of mind either so… please can we just-”</p><p> </p><p>I laugh mercilessly, my eyes rolling as he tries to touch me, I take a swing at him with my right hand. Of course I miss and my arm jerks smacking the wall instead, and Armie frowns at me. “Timmy…. Look at you, you can barely stand on your own, and you are-”</p><p> </p><p>“Leave me the fuck alone Armand! You are not my friend, you are just like the rest of them! Always treating me like I am a child and never like my actual age. So why don’t you do me a favor and fuck off! I don’t need you.” </p><p> </p><p>I laugh mercilessly, my eyes rolling as he tries to touch me, I take a swing at him with my right hand. </p><p> </p><p>"Don't fucking touch me!" my voice cracks through unshed tears. “Just leave me the fuck alone will you get out of here!” </p><p> </p><p>I walk away from him, just when I see Zack in my line of sight and go over to him. </p><p> </p><p>"It's about time, I was wondering when you guys were going to show up. Hey, there's the man of the hour Timmy how's it hanging? you having fun?'' His voice is cheerful and hospitable, as if he has played the good host card before, and does it so naturally that it becomes second nature. <br/>I wrap my arms around him on purpose and lay my head on his shoulder. "Let's settle this then with a third party opinion then shall we?" I look at Zack who is confused then back at Armie who looks as though I have kicked his dog. "Zack are you a bad guy?"</p><p> </p><p>"No of course not! Who told you that?" The other man opens his mouth in shock and looks completely horrified. "I am your friend Timo, I would never do anything to hurt you." </p><p> </p><p>"Armie here... seems to think that you are not a good guy. but you know what I think, I think Oliver is jealous that he can't have me anymore. So he wants to make sure no one else can't have me either. wouldn't you agree?"  I tilt my head and purposefully and very deliberately might I add, kiss Zack on the cheek. </p><p> </p><p>I hear the frustration bubbling up in Oliver's next statement as he looks between the both of us. </p><p> </p><p> "Timmy you don't have to keep putting salt on the wound okay? I can take a hint and leave you alone. if that is what you truly want. You are an adult. I can’t tell you what you can and can’t do but I have known Zack longer than you and I know what he is like...fine. you can go home with someone else. I’m not going to stick around and put up with being treated like shit, I have never treated you like you were a child! Not once, but you know what.. That’s okay I get it Timmy you don’t want us to be friends you obviously don’t want to be or accept the fact that I care about you so.. Let’s see how you manage without me and see where being friends with Zack gets you.”</p><p> </p><p>"would you just go away now! please! I don't want to ever see your face again, ever I got along on my own without you hovering over me or friendship. I know you don't care about me, I have a new friend now, and I say we go have a drink."  </p><p> </p><p>I hang all over Zack on purpose, making it a point to piss Armie off as much as I can because he deserves it. I am just giddy with the power that I feel behind my words. While at the same time, my heart breaks again when I see his eyes tear up, the plea in his voice that falls on my deaf ears, for me to just "come home" and think about what I am doing.”</p><p> </p><p>The minute he is gone I feel arms wrap around me and drag me away back to the party. “Forget about him man, Armie he will come back. In the meantime, you are going to stay here with us and you and I are going to party together.”  </p><p> </p><p>Zack thrusts another drink in my hand and I down it, as he leads me through the sea of bodies, and I can see Kimberly and Olivia talking amongst each other and I wave. They look at me and wave back, before coming over to dance with me, Zack and a whole group of people pack in all together and I begin to feel claustrophobic and very anxiety filled as the bodies get closer to me. </p><p> </p><p>We dance to about five different songs before I have to get out of the pile, I stumble my way out on wobbly legs, I’m sweaty, tired and are in need of using the bathroom. I push my way out yelling excuse me multiple times as I try to squeeze through people, who give me very drunk looks, some of them smile at me and I attempt a smile to not seem like I’m about to pee myself. </p><p> </p><p>I walk with my hand along the wall to keep my balance, moving as fast as my legs will carry me trying to move past, a few girls who have decided to have gossip time, on the staircase. They give me the up and down look, as I go past them very politely saying “excuse me”  as I go. </p><p> </p><p>When I get out of the bathroom I go off and find a quiet place to myself. I find myself squeezing between a wall with a small vase in one of those old wall spaces, people use to keep their old rotary phones. My head is pounding, my eyes feel tired, my chest feels tight and the guilt from yelling at Armie is starting to surface and I want to cry, my heart is thumping to the kick of the bass drum. </p><p> </p><p>‘Should I apologize? Do I let him sit and wallow? Or do I ignore him?’</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, there you are I was looking all over….”  I looked up having not realized I was now sitting on the floor, cradling my knees and was crying to see Zack standing there. A look of soft empathy in his eyes, he sighs and pats my leg for me to scoot over, I let him sit next to me. </p><p> </p><p>“Don’t waste your tears on Armie, he isn’t worth it. You’re too cool for him anyway, you are definitely a lot hotter than him that’s for sure. Forget about Armie honestly, he can go wallow in his self pity for all I care… it’s what he has always done.”  </p><p> </p><p>He trails off. I guess he was waiting for me to say something but I don’t say anything so he says,  “So tell me, what's your deal? you into older guys or something?" <br/>Zack turns his body to face mine, his hand coming up to trace my jaw, his green eyes filled with compassion. </p><p> </p><p>“It’s okay Timo, I get it. You like him but he won’t return the sentiments. In my opinion that makes him a grade A jackass who doesn’t deserve your tears or sympathy. Armie needs to learn he can’t play with people’s hearts and get away with it.” </p><p> </p><p>“But.. that wasn’t all it was…” I scrub my face with my hands furiously wiping the tears, he is still looking at me. I watch him come closer to me, my eyes widen. I can feel his breath, smell it and I lick my lips out of habit. </p><p> </p><p>“You need to relax more, here this will help you forget all about that asshole.”  he pulls away and I watch him dig out a small baggie with purple pills inside, he opens it up and takes one out. </p><p> </p><p>“What is that?” I ask nervously. Now I am not stupid I know what drugs are but what I didn’t know is what kind of drug it was or what it did. So like an idiot I sit there staring at it like it is some kind of foreign object in his palm.  </p><p> </p><p> "Just something to help you relax, it's a muscle relaxer. I take them all the time when I am nervous, here  we can take it together. I promise it’s not going to hurt you, it's just going to make you feel really good.."  </p><p> </p><p>‘Don’t do it!’ </p><p> </p><p>I watch him pull out another pill for himself and on the count of 3 we both pop the pills into our mouth at the same time and I wait. We sit there for a moment, in complete silence, my head tilts back and I close my eyes. </p><p> </p><p>“How long does it take to….”  Before I can even finish my sentence I feel a strange sensation start  to caress my veins, and spread outwards starting in my finger tips, moving down towards my groin and out to my toes. It feels similar to when I get high with Oliver only it's stronger.</p><p>Zack gets up and stands in front of me, holding out his outstretched hand to me with a grin, his eyes starting to glaze over. “Come on, if you want the full effects of it we need to get you moving around.”  he grabs my hand and we go back to where the music is, and as I look around at the others something has changed. </p><p> </p><p>Their movements as they dance seem more… slower? Sensual even it intrigues me and I don’t understand why. Were they dancing that way the entire time? Had I failed to pay attention to it?  </p><p> </p><p>“Sometimes impossibly curved, and so nonchalant. Hence, their ageless ambiguity, as if they’re daring you to desire them.” At the time he was speaking about the statues, my father is very passionate about archaeology, especially about the statues that he uncovers.  </p><p> </p><p>As I look at these bodies now I can see and understand what my father had been talking about. I feel the urge to touch these bodies, to feel how curved they are compared to my own. The way they sway, so close to each other, limbs touch limbs, not an inch of space between them. </p><p> </p><p>The closer to the music I get the feel of heat intensifies and I feel an overwhelming sense of happiness, almost fucking giddy and i’m actually laughing in some moments. I am dragged further through the house and thrown straight into those bodies along with Zack and Kimberly who dances just a few feet away from me.</p><p> </p><p>They swallow me like the seas and together as one we move to the ever growing beat of that kick drum, their hands and their bodies on me. Caressing every inch over me and then I feel everything stop, everyone goes completely still and I keep my eyes shut, my body is shivering in anticipation of whatever is to come next. </p><p> </p><p>I hear Zack breath into my ear.  “Just let it take you Timmy. Don’t fight it, you'll feel better in a minute open yourself up to it and you will experience something so amazing it is better than sex.”  </p><p> </p><p>I feel and hear everyone collectively breath together and by the next second like an explosion the bass in the song cracks and bursts open, vibration so hard it smacks directly into my chest and I feel my heart being thrown around my ribcage, my very bones rattling underneath my skin, and I feel the fire in my veins spread. </p><p> </p><p>‘Is the music suddenly faster and louder? Or is that my imagination.’ </p><p>I begin to feel hands on my body slowly roaming around and I feel myself sink into them, they feel like tiny sparks of heat going into my skin and sinking into my bloodstream. I want more! I find myself tasting an unfamiliar taste I've never tasted before. <br/>And my eyes shoot open when I hear, “Oh I see… you’ve moved on already to the scumbag kingdom and decided to forget all about me. You know, that's mean.” </p><p> </p><p>‘Armie? What are you talking about?’ </p><p> </p><p>That’s when I realize I am not in control of my body at all and I begin to panic as my heart races out of control and I begin to hyperventilate, I'm sweating and suddenly I feel a very strong sense of needing to run away, confusion of not knowing where I am.  </p><p> </p><p>these hands are not his hands. </p><p> </p><p>This voice is not his voice! </p><p> </p><p>This scent is not his scent! </p><p> </p><p>This body isn’t his body! </p><p> </p><p>I smack the hands away from me and Zack gets a confused look in his eyes. “Woah! Hey Timo easy… are you alright?” </p><p> </p><p>“Stay away from me, I made a huge mistake, I… I need to get out of here now!” I don’t wait for him to say anything back. I take off stumbling my way through the crowd of people, hazed out of my mind. I feel the hands try to touch me again and I scream “Get away from me! Stop touching me! Olivia!  Olivia!” </p><p> </p><p>“She’s gone home already.”  I hear someone say.  </p><p> </p><p>“What?! No. no. no. I need her!”  I take off towards the front door and throw it open, taking off just as I hear someone call my name I don’t look back. I need to get out of here and now, I am so uncomfortable, and I don’t feel good at all. </p><p> </p><p>***********<br/>Armie</p><p>The rain is so loud I can barely hear myself think. The constant downpour of water is making a slapping noise as it falls onto an already made puddle, right outside the door. *slap* *slap* *slap* accompanied by the rolling thunder that comes in rumbles and ever so often there is one loud BOOM! That makes the lights both outside and in the cabin flicker. </p><p> </p><p>It is rather annoying at 1AM. The only good news that comes with the rain is that the river will be up enough to make the float better tomorrow. However, I am not in the mood for that right now. I am sick with worry, guilt, and anger more at myself than anyone else. </p><p> </p><p>I’m trying to keep my emotions in check as my thoughts start to crack a little under the guilt of mine and Timmy’s fight. We had gotten into an argument, he wasn’t himself and I snapped at him, I shouldn’t have left him there at the party we should have come home together. </p><p> </p><p>I get up from the bench and start digging for my grey columbia hoodie, and my white sneakers as my sister tries to talk me out of going out there.</p><p> </p><p>My sister's mood has changed drastically. She is more quiet right now than I have ever seen her, and her usual smile and sarcastic self is completely gone. “Armie, you can’t just go out there. It’s pouring, why don’t you wait until the rain stops then we can go get him together.”</p><p> </p><p>“He was my responsibility Olivia! I have to go get him.” </p><p> </p><p>I reply, tying my shoes and standing up. My mind has been made up and I’m not changing it, not anytime soon. “I want you to stay here in case he comes back. I will be fine. We have the walkie talkies to stay in touch with each other just in case anything does happen. In the meantime, keep your eyes and ears open for anything.” </p><p> </p><p>“But-” </p><p> </p><p>“Stay here!” I snap. </p><p> </p><p>Suddenly we hear a loud commotion outside and very loud music blaring down our street, we look at each other and both of us quickly run outside obviously thinking the same thing. Once we are outside we see Zack’s truck and a group of people wrestling around in the back, who are drunk off their ass and within the next moment of me even breathing, I see a body go toppling over the side of the truck and land in the middle of the road. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey!” I yell at the top of my lungs and jump off the porch running towards the truck, I hear one of the guys say”oh fuck go go go!!!!!” and take off the tires screeching on the pavement, they are gone heading north by the time  I get to the guy on the ground, who is face down.</p><p> </p><p>“Armie!” My sister yells at me but I immediately go directly to the road and crouch down, looking the guy over, he has dark curly hair and is skinny like Timmy and for a second my heart immediately sinks down into my stomach as I think the worst.</p><p> </p><p>‘ oh my god please don’t be Tim, please don’t be Timmy I didn’t mean all that shit I said! Just… please be alive, please be alive!’</p><p> </p><p>I swallow the lump in my throat as my sister quickly runs over to me and I look at her.  “Is it Timmy?” her voice is racked with worry and together we push the guy onto his back with a wet thud.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>TO BE CONTINUED</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading sorry to leave you guys on a cliff hanger but I thought you could use one =3 suspense and all. don't worry it won't be for long I promise!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Where Is Timmy?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>I swallow the lump in my throat as my sister quickly runs over to me and I look at her. “Is it Timmy?” her voice is racked with worry and together we push the guy onto his back with a wet thud. When we looked down at the man’s face, I was happy to find out that this guy was not Timmy. He was one of the guys at the party, who was dressed in a bathing suit walking around with two cups filled with beer. </p><p>"It's not Timmy." I murmur to my sister and she lets out a sigh of relief. "Okay, so if this isn't Timmy then where is he?"</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>*Warning* Sexual content ahead: Oral sex is going to happen later on in this chapter so you have been warned! As well as a nudity warning too. Hopefully this will make up for the last chapter.</p><p>Enjoy! ^_^</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Armie </p><p>I swallow the lump in my throat as my sister quickly runs over to me and I look at her. “Is it Timmy?” her voice is racked with worry and together we push the guy onto his back with a wet thud. When we looked down at the man’s face, I was happy to find out that this guy was not Timmy. He was one of the guys at the party, who was dressed in a bathing suit walking around with two cups filled with beer. </p><p> </p><p>"It's not Timmy." I murmur to my sister and she lets out a sigh of relief. "Okay, so if this isn't Timmy then where is he?"</p><p> </p><p>“He may still be over at Zack’s at least that is where I hope he is. As for this guy we need to get him into the cabin and get him some help, possibly even to a hospital.”<br/>
After my sister and I help the unconscious guy into the cabin, I quickly grab the keys to the jeep and make my way out the door, slamming behind me. I throw my hood over my head as I head to the car. Thankful that all the doors are on and the hood is up, I start the car, throw it in reverse and screech out of the driveway, throwing gravel as I do. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The rain is coming down so hard. I can’t see much except for the cars that pass by me on the other side of the road with their headlights on as I make my way over the bridge. I headed back to the last place I saw Elio, Zack’s cabin.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He has moved the party inside and they are still going at it is almost 2am! It doesn’t surprise me much Zack was always the “party guy” in college. It didn’t matter if he had a test the next morning, the guy would stay up partying until the next morning and even then, he would still find it in himself to function in class! I don’t know how he did it but my ass stopped the party phase a long time ago. Now all I do is smoke weed on occasion, never around my children when they are with me on my weekends. But I am constantly working so I rarely have time to do much. </p><p> </p><p>I stop and get out of my car, running up to the front patio I beat on the door, loudly over and over. </p><p> </p><p>‘ Come on I know you fuckers are in there I can hear the music! Open up the door!’</p><p> </p><p>When the door opens I come face to face with not Zack himself but Kimberly, my sister’s friend who has a pink cup in her hand. “Hey! Look who's back for another round!” She smiles at me, but I don’t return it. </p><p> </p><p>“Armie, what’s wrong?” </p><p> </p><p>“Have you seen Timmy?” my words come out breathy. “I mean, is Timmy  here? Did he come back?” My stomach twists in knots when I hear her reply. </p><p> </p><p>“No he isn’t here. Why? Did he not go back to the cabin with you?”<br/>
“No Kim. he didn’t. I wouldn’t be over here If I did! Please you have to help me find him!” At this point I sound desperate but I don’t care.</p><p> </p><p> ‘I have to find Timmy, I promised to protect and keep their son safe, now, he is missing and it’s raining. They will never let me be near their son again, when they find out that he has not only been drinking but I left him alone.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, let me get my jacket.” she said and within minutes she was gone from the doorway and back her cup went from her hand. Her own hoodie on and a pair of rain boots we set off to the car and take off again down the road. </p><p> </p><p>We drive up and down the roads slowly looking down the river, first Timmy loves the water. So I thought he would have gone down there to sit and think. Nothing. </p><p> </p><p>Heading north past the tree in the middle of the road again, going towards Andy’s shop we look there and we drive to Neal’s and search on foot there. Nothing. My heart sinks and I am beginning to think about the what ifs that slowly make their way into my mind, which doesn’t help the situation. </p><p> </p><p>“Maybe he got lost trying to find his way back to our cabin and went to someone else’s thinking it was ours.” Kimberly comments, pulling her hoodie strings tighter, her arms crossed over her chest as the rain pelts her on the side of the head. </p><p> </p><p>“That’s a possibility we could try the other cabins on the other side of the river close to the watering hole.” </p><p> </p><p>We drive further into Neal’s and I stop the jeep underneath a tree, and we both get out leaving the car running on the side of the road with the flashers turned on. From there we split up. I go down the road, walking down the steep hill of the road that leads to the watering hole, flashlight in hand when the lights of the car provide no more light. </p><p> </p><p>I hear Kimberly yelling for Timmy off in the distance and soon she gets further and further away. </p><p> </p><p>As I walk the memories are flooding my head of us together, I blame it on the intense urge to find him. I need to find him, to make sure that he is alive and okay. </p><p> </p><p> “Timmy!” I yell at the top of my lungs as my feet stomp against the concrete as I am walking slowly turning my flashlight into every dark corner of the street.&lt;

 “Timmy! Come on man, I’m sorry okay. Please come home, I didn’t mean the shit that I said okay!” </p><p> </p><p>‘Please Timmy, please  answer me.’ </p><p> </p><p>My legs are becoming sore from the constant walking, pain shooting up through my feet and into my lower back. The further down I go, I begin to pick up speed naturally and it suddenly feels like I have no control over my body anymore. I gain more speed and at this point, my flashlight has disappeared from my hand and is now rolling after me, behind me. Like the crash bandicoot level with that damn pesky boulder that follows just a little too close and squishes you flat. ‘ Fuck that level! I hated that level!’</p><p> </p><p>When I reach the bottom, panting I end up tripping over the damn flashlight that has caught up to me and I make the mistake of taking a step back and scramble backwards, I try to regain my balance but I can't see shit and I go down. I curse up at the sky as I lay on my back and as I lay there, I can feel the rain hit my face, my muscles are protesting for me not to get up. </p><p> </p><p>Really legs really! I feel like a fucking girl in a horror movie’ </p><p> </p><p>My heart is racing and I am panting trying to catch my breath, I can feel the loose gravel under my finger tips, I suck in a breath, I can feel my lungs expand, but as I do. I began to cry. I was holding it in for the longest time, to be strong for him, to be strong for myself and then I heard Samuel’s voice in my head. </p><p> </p><p>‘Right now, you feel sorrow. Pain. don’t kill it.’<br/>
My resolve breaks and in a last ditch effort I yell for all I am worth to the sky. “Timmy!” with as much conviction as I can. Then I listen. I listen hard to see if I can hear him answer, praying that he will answer me. IF he answers me then I will know that he is alive, okay and I can't stop thinking the worst right now.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Armie!” He comes stumbling out from behind a tree, he is covered in dirt, twigs in his hair, naked from the waist up only wearing his shoes.  ‘Where in the hell are his clothes!’  when he sees me, he runs towards me and I still myself for the impact his arms wrap around me in the tightest hug, he’s giggling and rubbing his face into the crook of my shoulder.  “Armie I’m so sorry, I'm sorry.” he repeats as he snuggles into me, obviously trying to get warm.</p><p> </p><p>“What happened to you?” I take a step back and pull off my hoodie, pulling it down over his exposed body. He moans happily and tries to climb me like a tree, I hold him close to me with my left arm, underneath his ass, my fingers resting on his thigh, his skinny arms wrapped instantly around my neck, as we make our way back up to the jeep. I very carefully help him get the twigs out of his hair and toss them to the ground. </p><p> </p><p>He gets a confused look on his face. “I don’t know.” he confesses, he nuzzles me again with his face, that’s when I know something is wrong. Timmy is an affectionate person, but he never forgets anything! And I mean anything this boy can tell me about a war that happened years, before I was even born! And knows a shit ton of stuff about history and music. </p><p> </p><p>“Timmy do you know where you are?” I ask gently stroking his hair with my free hand as we climb the rest of the way. We were half way up this bitch and I was bound and determined to keep going. I need to get him out of the rain before we both catch hypothermia. </p><p> </p><p>“Nooooo. But I’m starving and I am very hor-”  he stops mid sentence and I look to see what he is staring at. up ahead of us I can see Kimberly running straight toward us. She is waving at us, and she seems to be exhausted and out of breath. </p><p> </p><p>“There you two are!” she exclaims with as much relief in her voice as I feel right now in my whole body. She then looks between the two of us. “What happened to him?” </p><p> </p><p>“We can talk about that later, right now we need to get him back to the cabin. Would you mind driving? I don’t think he will…. Timmy stop that!” I swat his hand away from my crotch and he giggles, nuzzling my neck for the third time. “Don’t think he will let me, put him down for two seconds.” </p><p> </p><p>“Sure no problem Arms, I have had only one beer and I am not drunk at all.” </p><p> </p><p>The whole way back he won’t stop touching me and won’t stop moving around in my lap. His hands keep trying to grab at my crotch and he becomes very irritable when I won’t touch him back. and/ or I tell him to please stop. He is behaving strangely and isn’t his normal self, his sarcastic, shy, intelligent, and loving self. It’s like he is a completely different person who all of the sudden has turned into a sex addict and I can’t for the life of me, figure out why.</p><p> </p><p>The minute Kim and I walk through the door my sister is rushing us and asking five thousand questions that I can’t focus to answer right now. I am too focused on Tim and taking care of his needs more than answering her. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Kim could you wait here with my sister while I get him taken care of.” she nods and takes my sister’s hand and gives it a reassuring squeeze when she looks at me with concern. </p><p> </p><p>Once I get Timmy  into the bathroom, I shut the door and proceed to find some clothes for him to put on. I grab his favorite talking heads shirt, a pair of his jeans, socks, underwear and set them all on the bed beside him. </p><p> </p><p>Timothee is watching me through the mirror as I take his shoes off and let them fall to the floor. As I help him get into the tub In the back of my mind, I am worried about him and his behavior, it reminds of a time that my friend Matthew had bought ecstasy and had brought it with him to Concan. </p><p> </p><p>It was years before I ever even met Timmy. </p><p> </p><p>He had taken some and the same effects that it was having on him are strikingly similar to Timmy’s. The forgetfulness, high sex drive, irritability, sweating, chills. Severe dehydration. ‘Oh don’t tell me… please don’t let me think....’<br/>
“Arm…. Armie I don’t feel so good.” it comes out as a whimper and I hear Timmy gag and cover his mouth. I gently and quickly help him out of the tub, where he rushes to the toilet. After he is finished hurling, I help him wipe his mouth and I help him the best I can put his clothes on like I do to my girls after their bath time.</p><p> </p><p>26 minutes later, *Uvalde Memorial Hospital*</p><p>When it is Timmy’s turn to see the doctor he latches onto me, becoming very clingy his body pressed against mine. When the nurse comes into the room, he stays sitting on my lap through the entire visit, from checking his vitals to the doctor coming in and checking him out, testing Timmy for drugs in his system. </p><p> </p><p>While we wait for the results I comfort him the best I can when the anxiety hits him. “Army am I going to die?” he asks, I shake my head and chuckle to myself, I feel him jerking a lot rougher than normal which worries me but I try not to let it show on my face.</p><p> </p><p>“No. You are not going to die, don’t be so dramatic” I whisper stroking his curls, I let my fingers rest in them and he tilts his head back to look at me. He is wide awake, his cheeks are flush and he hasn’t let go of my hand since I first gave it to him. </p><p> </p><p>I know the closeness and his high affectionate nature could possibly be from ecstasy being in his system. Though it is a guess from me and it hasn’t been confirmed yet by the doctor, right now he is letting me close to him, and he doesn’t want me to go anywhere. I am thankful for any touch from him right now, even though the circumstances are very messed up, I will take what I can get. Who knows what he will be like later, if he will still want me around or want nothing to do with me. All because of a stupid arguement that at the moment I can’t even remember what it was about to cause him to run off in the first place.</p><p> </p><p>“Sing to me?” Timmymurmurs in my ear. “T…” I sigh shifting in the chair. I’m starting to get tired.”I don’t want to sing right now. It's 3am now and we have been waiting for ten minutes. All I want to do is go to sleep.” </p><p> </p><p>“Please!” He begs me his emerald eyes so filled with love and affection that it makes my heart skip a beat. Under any other circumstances his begging would be adorable, right now however, it is annoying as fuck and I know it is not his fault. </p><p> </p><p>Reluctantly, I give in and sit up straight in the chair that is up against the wall and get him situated on me so that he is sitting on my left leg with his head on my shoulder. My hand still holding onto his hand, I hum Troye Sivan’s “wild” in the fashion of a lullaby, hoping that he will calm his happy ass down and relax some.</p><p> </p><p>It works for a while until the doctor finally comes back into the room and informs us of the news. </p><p> </p><p>“Your friend here does have traces of ecstasy in his system, he is also severely dehydrated so I would recommend lots of fluids like water, gatorade, keep him comfortable with blankets if he gets chilly, have him take Ibuprofen for the fever. I will also prescribe him something for nausea. Other than that, he hasn’t been on the drug long, the effects typically last 3 to 6 hours afterwards he should come down. However, please be aware that once he crashes he may experience depression, anxiety, loss of appetite etc. so just be on the lookout for that. Fluids. Fluids. Fluids. Very important! if he is not better by then do not hesitate to bring him back in and do not give this boy anymore drugs at all your friend here could have very well had an epileptic seizure.”</p><p> </p><p> I thank the doctor for his help and on the way back to Concan, my thoughts are consumed with how Timmy  got his hands on ecstasy. He never did drugs of any kind that I knew of, unless he picked up a new habit from me being away from him too long. Which I doubt, very seriously he would he is way too smart for that shit. </p><p> </p><p>The anger in my veins makes my gut tighten just as my hands tighten on the steering wheel and twist roughly until my knuckles are white. “Who could have done this to Timmy? And why?” I have an idea of who it might be vs who it actually is. The anger consumes me a little at a time and soon I find myself driving to Zack’s cabin again for the second time tonight. </p><p>*********</p><p>(Timmys Pov)</p><p>As the car speeds down the road there are only three things floating around in my haze filled brain. One: I am hungry as fuck, Armie get me food!, Two: Where the fuck are we going?, and three: Why am I so damn horny?!  I shift uncomfortably in the seat I am sitting in and try to fix my predicament by readjusting the way I am sitting, turning my body more towards Oliver and sitting with my knees curled up on the seat. </p><p> </p><p>I stick my face to the vent just to feel the cold air on my cheek, it feels so good on my heated skin. ‘Why am I so sweaty?’ I sit back against the seat, and dare to glance at Oliver whose arms are straight out, his back is stiff and the knuckles are white from gripping the steering wheel, way too tightly. His eyes are focused on the road ahead of him.<br/>
‘Why is he so mad? Is he mad at me? Did I do something that I am not aware of?!!!’  </p><p> </p><p>Next thing I know we are parked at that Zack person’s cabin. “What are we doing here? I thought we were going back to the cabin, Armie.” </p><p> </p><p>“I just have to take care of something before we can go back. I won’t be long, I promise, Just stay here  and wait for me.” His voice is strong, commanding and underneath is that gentle tone, that he used with me a moment earlier. Reaching out his fingers brush my hair back from my face, just for it to bounce right back. </p><p> </p><p>‘Don’t leave. I don’t want to be away from you, not right now.’ I thought as I watched him shut the door to the jeep, and walk away, heading up to the front porch, then disappear into the cabin. I sat there hugging myself, trying to figure out what happened to me but nothing came to me. </p><p> </p><p>Like someone took their hand and waved it across my memory, to wipe it clean, the events of before Armie found me and the time we had been at the party. I slowly began to grow frustrated with myself, I should be able to remember anything! </p><p> </p><p>I whipped my head around to see where the noise had come from. I couldn’t get a clear view of it, It sounded like a window breaking, and people screaming from inside the house. I couldn’t just sit there any longer my mind was coming up with scenarios, that all ended up with someone either being seriously hurt or someone dying. </p><p> </p><p>I unbuckle my seatbelt as fast as I can and fling the door open and rush out, running towards the front door. Not waiting for pleasantries when a drunk man opened the door, and stared at me, I shoved my way through nearly stumbling over my own two feet. I had to grab onto the wall to the entrance way of the cabin and that’s when I heard Oliver’s voice echoing throughout the room in front of me. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“You gave him ecstasy! Zackary are you fucking out of you mind! He could have been killed tonight, do you not care about anyone else but yourself?!” I heard him yell making me jump a little, hiding behind the wall as I continued to watch the sight before me.</p><p> </p><p>Armie slammed the Zack guy up against the wall hard, I hear a groan and then, “He was too soft man, I wanted him to have a good time and he was a party pooper so I gave him a little pick me up. Besides, you are one to be on your high horse yelling at me Armie… You were the one that introduced me to the shit in the first place! So you can get your hands off me and back away.” The younger man challenged with a smirk as Armie dropped him to the floor, turning his back on him.</p><p> </p><p>‘What does he mean ‘introduced me to?’ Armie isn’t a drug dealer, he doesn’t even do drugs so why would he…’</p><p> </p><p>“He has fucking cerebral palsy you fucking moron! Giving him that shit can give him epliptic seizures or worse he could have fucking died!” </p><p> </p><p>“Armie!“ I hear myself yell as I watch this guy try to throw a sucker punch to the back and he turns too soon to catch a right hook to the jaw. Making him sway on his feet  he just stumbles back and sits down on the couch. </p><p> </p><p>“What happened to you man?! We use to be good friends and you use to not give a shit about anything or what people thought and now all of the sudden, you go to fucking hollywoodand you think you are too good for the rest of us? Huh?! You're too good to party with us anymore, that you have to hang out with a twink who is a fucking retard! God, I hate you! “</p><p> </p><p>I see Armie look at me, his eyes turn sympathetic towards me, he gives me a crooked smile. Then those loving eyes change into something serious and within the next instant…. </p><p> </p><p>“Don’t fucking call him that! You don’t know him! And for the record, there is nothing wrong with Timmy you are the one that’s the problem! And I left that part of my life a long time ago, it was fun while it lasted but whatever fantasy you have of my “perfect” life doesn’t exist you know how my parents are! You’ve seen first hand the shit I had to put up with! So I am sorry for abandoning you so I could actually have a life.”</p><p> </p><p>'Armie… Please can we just go home? Please,'  I silently plead with my eyes hoping it's enough. </p><p> </p><p>“You didn’t have to go all the way to fucking Hollywood to have a life Armie! You could have stayed and been with me! Whatever happened to that? Me and you, man?”<br/>
‘What is he talking about?’ </p><p> </p><p>This is pretty much when all hell breaks loose for lack of a better word for it other than complete and utter chaos. Everything was moving so fast that I couldn’t even begin to describe in full detail what I saw. All I can tell you is that I saw Zack’s body go through the coffee table, as Armie uses his height and weight to his advantage and someone else punched him in the right eye. To be fair, Armie did start this mess but at the same time, I couldn’t be too angry because he had every right to be mad. </p><p> </p><p>I had never seen Armie truly pissed off ever. He has been mad at me before, and had a few spoken words with me when talking about Chiara and he is good with the silent treatment,only to come back later after cooling off. </p><p> </p><p>But this Armie not only scared me but at the same time I was turned on by this man. What the fuck is wrong with me!  </p><p> </p><p>You know those people who are in the mosh pit at a concert and they are all shoving each other around until one person throws that first punch and then like a chain reaction, they all begin to fight even when they were not the ones to start the fight in the first place. Yeah, that's pretty much what happened.</p><p> </p><p>It was however, over just as quickly as it started and the cops had arrived soon after that. One of the neighbors had apparently called in about a disturbance and the cops had us all outside. We had to wait for an hour before we were the next ones to give statements as to what happened. </p><p> </p><p>Thankfully the rain had stopped by then I stood there next to Armie with my right hand shoved in his jacket. I wanted to touch him so badly, but it would have been inappropriate to do so given the circumstances so I settled for touching his hand. My fingers seeking out his fingers, so that I could hold his hand, in not only a gesture of comfort as he had to retell one of the officers why the fight had broken out in the first place. </p><p> </p><p>My thumb, index finger and middle finger were the sneaky ones. I let them tentatively touch his fingers, slipping the tips of my fingers in between the spaces between his and rub lightly. Mimicking what my toes had done to his during the summer, when we were in the water. What I hadn’t realized is that when I did this, my body felt like I had been shocked from the very touch. </p><p> </p><p>I was still high and with the cops standing right there! I just knew we were going to get busted or at least I was and they were going to take me to jail. However, that is not what happened, instead Armie and I were free to go and they arrested Zack for drug possession. How we got out of that situation, I have no idea but I was grateful to be back at the cabin soon after. </p><p> </p><p>The cabin is dark when we get back and none of the lights are on so I assumed that Olivia and her friend were already in bed asleep. My little fucked up brain was happy so happy, that before we even made it in the house, and got the door shut I shoved Armie back against the door, trying to press my entire body into his and pulling him by the neck of his shirt to press our mouths together. </p><p> </p><p>It takes him a second to respond to me. I think I may have shocked him by my roughness, his back had hit the door pretty hard, I heard the glass rattle. After that I felt him kiss me back, and you would think I had been lit on fire the moment I felt our tongues touch each other. </p><p> </p><p>I feel him moving trying to get the door open without even leaving my mouth, I laugh because it takes him three tries his hand is shaking. And I have to help him, which makes me laugh but in the moment, all I wanted was to get that door open, push him into the bedroom and tear every bit of his clothes off just to get to his skin. </p><p> </p><p>“Shhh, don’t wake them up.”  he whispers pulling his mouth away from mine, his hands grab me by my thighs, I instantly grab a hold of him to keep myself steady and I feel my feet leave the tile floor, my hands hit his back, my legs wrapping around him but they don’t lock around him. </p><p> </p><p> “Don’t drop me please!” I whisper with a giggle as he carries me away, I notice a person on the futon that I don’t recognize but I don’t ask questions.</p><p> </p><p>‘I need more of this, more of you before I burst into a billion pieces and float away’</p><p> </p><p>In the darkness of the bedroom and with the door locked are kisses becoming more urgent and passionate, I can hear his moans float to my ears and I smile more to myself. The way he looks at me, with those deep dark pools with desire, and the unabashed way he can just let himself go and show me how much he needs me, without saying with words. I like this look on him.</p><p>************</p><p>Oliver</p><p> </p><p>I had held off wanting to have sex with Timmy  for a while. I didn’t want to rush into it. We hadn't even had our first kiss yet! Let alone talked, about being physically intimate with each other. We needed to talk about things, I needed to get things out and speak my mind. Then only time would tell what would happen between us, however I had not anticipated Timmy getting high on ecstasy nor did I anticipate beating the shit out of my now ex bestie either! </p><p> </p><p>With everything that had gone on and the adrenaline pumping through my veins and that sneak attack of a kiss. My entire reasoning sort of left the building, not entirely but enough for the lower half of my body to wake the fuck up and unlock these intense feelings that I had been holding onto. </p><p> </p><p>“Are you sure this is what you want?” I said breaking the kiss between us, searching his eyes for any hint of doubt or possibly regret. I was the sober one he was not, but I did want to take care of him. In every possible way. In every possible way that would be appropriate in Timmy’s case, there was no way in hell I was going to take advantage of him, consent is always important in any situation. </p><p> </p><p>“Yes, please. Please,” he was wanting this badly and I knew at some point I was going to give in. He was relentless in wanting my affections. He had his hands all over me, the moment we set foot in the bedroom that was across from my sister. Kimberly had fallen asleep on the futon in the living room with that random stranger in there as well and I prayed that she wouldn’t wake up from Timmy’s non stop giggling. </p><p> </p><p>It didn’t take us long to be naked under the covers Timmy's fingers were itching to touch me. So I laid on my back and took both of his hands into my own. I guided his hands over my skin, starting with my face and let him roam freely as he wanted. I closed my eyes and relished every small intimate touch, for as long as I could, before my own desire for him took over and I pulled him on top of me, sucking on every bit of skin I could reach with my lips, his moans filled my ears and I barely touched him. </p><p> </p><p>“Timmy we really need to talk about this. Like really talk about this before we do anything especially in the state you are in right now. I don’t want either of us getting hurt.” </p><p> </p><p>Sex and cerebral palsy don’t exactly go hand in hand with each other it can be difficult emotionally, mentally as well as physically. People with disabilities are seen in society as people to be pitied, weak, and are by no means “desirable” for a lot of people so basically a turn off. And for many people it can cause self confidence issues as well. Not to mention if sex was to happen whether the person is disabled or not, or if both our then both parties would have to figure out a way to navigate sex together.</p><p> </p><p>Most people with CP experience some issues with balance and positioning, fatigue, or pelvic floor muscle tone, not to mention spasticity and stiffness in their joints or muscles.</p><p>The want was there and so was the desire that wasn’t the problem for Timmy or me. No. The problem lay with our bodies and the types of cerebral palsy we had. This meant that certain positions would work for me, while others wouldn’t work for Timmy either slightly or not at all due to balance issues and his jerking</p><p> </p><p>It was a balance and strength issue. I had all of the strength in my arms and the steadiness but the tightening of my muscles in my legs was an issue and there were certain positions that I physically couldn’t do because my legs wouldn’t allow for either long periods of time, or just the very position itself could cause cramps. </p><p> </p><p>“Do we have to talk about this right now?” he whines getting agitated and I don’t blame him in the slightest. I feel the same way, I wish we could just go at it like wild animals like other people do but, we can’t. </p><p> </p><p>“Yes. Timmy, we do it’s important and it is not a very good idea for us to have sex right now.” </p><p> </p><p>That's when he stops and I see his entire expression go from wanting to disgust and immediately I can tell he has mistook what I had said. He stops touching me and I watch him curl up on his side, drawing himself in his arm jerks and hits the mattress. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m sick aren’t I?” he murmurs his voice barely above a whisper but I can still hear the pain in his voice. His back turned towards me, so I can’t see his face, but I can tell he is withdrawing from me, after I worked so hard to not bust down his walls, but make a door to allow me in. </p><p> </p><p>“Oh Tim. Don’t take it like that you are not sick and don’t you think for one second that I don’t want to have sex with you because I do.”</p><p> </p><p>“Then why don’t you?! You know I want this too Armie please can we just do this? I’m horny and things are happening to me that I don’t understand but.. All I can think about right now, is fucking you.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>I slowly snake my arms around Timmy’s body even though his arm flies out and hits me, I pull him into me so that our bodies touch flesh to flesh.The very touch of him near my body like this breaks my heart that we can’t do this right now.</p><p> </p><p>“We just need to figure out how we can first and I would hate our first time together being something that only I remember. That is why I said we can’t do this right now, we need to talk about what we can and can’t do physically. That’s all Timmy and you know what… we may not be able to have penatration sex but I never said anything about not sucking you off or that we couldn’t snuggle with each other.”</p><p> </p><p>I feel him shift in my arms and turn around to look up at me through his eyelashes. “You would do that for me?” </p><p> </p><p>Without a hint of hesitation or a doubt in my mind I nod my head yes and give him a soft smile, reaching up I stroke my knuckles down his cheek, opening my hand resting it there.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes I would because I know what it is like to go to sleep with a raging hard on, and not having anyone to help you out but your own hand. Since you have trouble with holding things I was wondering Timmy if you would let me be your hand for tonight.”</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t ha-”</p><p> </p><p>“Timmy, I want to do this for you. I want to know what you taste like on my tongue and before you accuse me of doing this out of pity for you. It isn’t that is not my intention at all, my intention is to bring you pleasure. But I am not going to do it if you don’t want me to.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay.” </p><p> </p><p>“yeah?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah.”   when his arm flies out again this time I catch him by his wrist pressing a gentle kiss to it then release him all together. </p><p> </p><p>Sitting up I pull the covers back as Timmy maneuvers back against the pillows, scooting on his hands until he is laying down on his back, while I stay at his feet. I take the duvet and pull it up over my shoulders along with the sheet and place them around the lower half of my body so that only my chest is showing. my eyes peer up and he looks back at me with an expectant heated gaze, his hands resting on his chest moving up and down in a slow memorizing motion. </p><p> </p><p>"Timmy don't take this the wrong way but can you raise your hips up? what i mean, is.... um," my cheeks heat up from nerves I have never asked anyone this question before. I had never been with someone who had acp so I didn't want to come off as rude but it is also best to not assume that just because you can do something that means that the person you are with can too. </p><p> </p><p>"I can. but not very far and when I do it does hurt sometimes, not like such a horrible pain that it isn't bearable but it does get sore from the way that I have to walk all the time. why?"</p><p> </p><p>"okay, I know something that will help us both. Hand me that pillow that is beside you and make sure you are laying flat on your back."</p><p> </p><p>With a nod he does as instructed and grabs the pillow, flinging it over to me and I catch it in my hands. </p><p> </p><p>"Okay now I want you to lift your hips as far as they will go and I am going to slide this pillow underneath them. You won't have to do anything at all, you can just lay back and enjoy the sensation, the pillow is going to keep your hips in a comfortable position." </p><p> </p><p>when he does I see his legs go in further, I push the pillow beneath his hips and he eases them down onto the pillow. "Comfortable? anything hurting? legs okay?"</p><p> </p><p>"Armie I'm fine, my legs turn in you know this." his voice sounds slightly irritated but on the verge of laughing too, as he makes grabby hands at me. </p><p> </p><p>"hang on I need to get something." I get off the bed for a minute to grab the lube off of the small counter that is in front of the bed with a mirror above it then turn back to the bed, bringing it with me.</p><p> </p><p>I go to him being careful to not move the pillow in the process and the duvet goes with my body as my lips meet Timmy's he makes a soft noise flicking his tongue against my lips before lightly biting down. Causing me to twitch against his stomach, I pull away kissing the tip of his nose and move downwards until I am sitting on my legs, popping the cap open I pour a little of the contents into my palm. Snapping the lid shut I see Timmy's eyes fill with anticipation, his lip disappears between his teeth and slowly wrap my hand around him.</p><p> </p><p>"okay?"  I hear him hiss through his teeth. "god man that's cold! you could have warmed it up first." he pouts and I chuckle sticking my tongue out between my lips at him. </p><p> </p><p>"It will warm up here in a minute. just be patient other than the coldness are you doing okay?"  I wasn't trying to be annoying when I ask him if he is okay, it is a constant concern on my part. </p><p> </p><p>he nods then i hear a moan form on his lips as I stroke him. "If there is something I'm doing wrong I want you to tell me. I've haven't done this to a guy in a while except in movies that was simulated so..."</p><p> </p><p>he huffs out a laugh. "You're doing fine Arms. just.... fine." he lets out a soft sigh and closes his eyes as I continue to stroke up his shaft a few time enjoying the feel of him in my hand, the weight of him just there. it feels like a flashlight weight wise, heavy but not too heavy, that it's uncomfortable. </p><p> </p><p>I slowly lick my lips and lower myself onto my stomach, only taking my hand away for a moment, then it goes right back, twisting upwards I move my thumb over the head of his cock and feel him shudder at my very touch. when I open my mouth I go down as my lips wrap around the head and Timmy sucks in a breath, and I see his left arm go out into the air, nearly missing the table that is next to the bed. </p><p> </p><p>I run my right hand along the sheet and let my finger tips brush up against Timmy's left hand that is now laying on the sheet, he grabs my hand like a life line. I close my eyes and take him further going down his shaft feeling the veins pulse against my lips. Oddly enough he tastes like soap, water and body wash from when he took a bath just before I took him to the hospital. </p><p> </p><p>Moaning around him I suck and begin to move my head in a slow steady rhythm, as I keep ahold of his hand I hear the body above me grunt, moan, and whimper to what I am doing. He is shaking in my right hand, while my left rests on his stomach my palm flat, fingers splayed wide on his soft skin, moaning myself I take a breath through my nose, and open my mouth wider, taking him just a little deeper. </p><p> </p><p>"shittttttt Arms." he curses on a deeper moan I feel him trying to raise his hips, but I gently ease them down, with my hand as I move my head faster letting him hit the back of my throat barely as I squeeze his hand. he seems to understand, when I open my eyes to meet his and I press my own hips into the mattress as his moans are turning me on further. </p><p> </p><p>A whimpering cry comes out of his mouth and he smacks his right hand over his mouth as I don't let up.  "Armie! i'm...... Y-"  he squeezes my hand tightly and the next thing I know, my mouth is filling with salty sweetness of Timothee's cum. I have just enough time to pull back a bit so that I am not full on choking on the substance filling my mouth as I suck a little more, swallowing him down. </p><p> </p><p>Sometime later when I have helped him clean up we lay side by side together, I pull the duvet up over our bodies, and he snuggles closer to me, a sleep yet sated smile on his lips. "Better now?"</p><p>"Yes, thank you. But won't you let me return the favor? I mean, it doesn't seem very fair that you got to do that to me... and I-"</p><p> </p><p>'Timmy, don't worry about me. we will have plenty of time for that but right now, you need to get some sleep. We can talk more about it tomorrow." </p><p> </p><p>He settles against me snuggling into my chest and soon after his breath is on my chest, my arms wrapped around him in a hug and we are both nestled underneath the covers my eyes soon drifting closed and my own breath is soon matching Timmy's.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading and once again thank you to those who are sticking with reading this story! &lt;3</p><p>Also next chapter we will find out who the mysterious man in the road was, Armie and Timmy will have the sex talk eventually, Timmy begins to crash after being on ecstasy, Zack is in jail and some surprised visitors, show up at the cabin that Armie and the others are not expecting. </p><p> </p><p>Hang in there guys!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. What Is Going To Happen To Us Now</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The effects of the ecstasy have worn off and Timmy crashes hard. He is depressed, paranoid, has moments of aggression and his anxiety isn't helping things. Meanwhile, Armie is scared to death that what happened will come back to bite him in the worst way possible, as he faces the reality of telling the Chalamets what happened that night. </p><p>And Mindy makes the biggest confession of her life.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi guys so here is Chapter 13 for you I know its taken me forever to update the other stories and I am sorry about that. I do have times where writers block gets to me and doesn't really let go. XD But, today I decided to update a little bit on this story for you all. However, I am not feeling good today I ended up staying up all night into the AM and couldn't go back to sleep. so I will be writing from my bed today. </p><p>I hope you enjoy this chapter! ^_^</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Armie</p><p>His gentle cries are what caught my attention. I look down to see him gently shaking in his sleep. His body curled up in the fetal position, his face a picture of someone having a nightmare, eyebrows knit together, his eyelashes fanned against his cheeks, mumbling something  unintelligible to my ears. I saw tears leave his eyes and his arm randomly flies out and nearly hits me but thankfully he smacks the pillow instead of my face. </p><p> </p><p>My heart ached for him. He was crashing from the ecstasy and it was hitting him hard. I glanced at the clock on the wall and I couldn’t believe that it was only 6am. He had only slept for 4 hours since our physical activities no wonder he was upset. </p><p> </p><p>‘This is why you should have stayed at that party! Look at him!’ </p><p> </p><p>He doesn't say anything he simply reaches for me. He looks so tired, his eyes have dark circles, a look of shame in his eyes, I can see the wheels turning slowly in his head, his lips are slightly swollen, he has a bruise over his left eyebrow.</p><p> </p><p>A whimpering cry comes out of his mouth. "I'm sick aren't I?"   he repeats his words from last night.</p><p> </p><p>"No. You're not sick, you were drugged and what you are going through is an ecstasy crash. The doctor told us that this was going to happen, remember? We just have to make sure you take it easy and don’t do anything too exciting. So no river today okay, if you want to go down and sit in the water I’ll take you but no floating and we have to tell Carol and Mark what happened.” </p><p> </p><p>I try to keep the anger out of my voice as I pull him close, fingers curling around the back of his neck, while the other pulls his body closer. I feel his arms try to hold onto me but his limbs are exhausted from shaking and spasming. </p><p> </p><p>"They are gonna kill me." He says hiding his face as I stroke his hair. </p><p>"That is a possibility but they will kill me first before you. I should have never left you with him Timmy and I am so fucking sorry that I did. But right now, you let me worry about telling them what’s going on okay? You need to focus on getting some sleep.” </p><p> </p><p>He seemed to accept that answer then I heard, "Armie, I don't want you to go." his voice is broken with hurt, pain.</p><p> </p><p>“Go?”  ‘where would I go? When what I want is right here in this bed with me.’  “I’m not going anywhere T. I’m staying right here. If I do go somewhere it will only be to the store and back, I am not going on the river today. I don’t think anyone is so you don’t ha-” </p><p> </p><p>“If I go to sleep, you won’t be here. You will leave again and when you do, you won’t come back.” he looks up at me, and I can feel his heart breaking in his chest. He is scared that I am going to leave him just like I did at that damn party, I feel sick to my stomach.  ‘</p><p> </p><p>Oh fuck me and my stupidity last night! Why? Why do you have to look at me that way Timmy. I am already beating myself up over this shit and now you look at me with such innocence and pitifulness that I feel worse. </p><p> </p><p>Then an idea comes to me and I gently ease him off of me, climbing out of bed I walk over to my bag that is left on the floor underneath the mirror and unzip it, I start digging through it until I have found what I am searching for and I smile to myself. </p><p> </p><p>“Armie what are you doing?”  Timmy tilts his head at me curiously as I grab my cologne and drench my old grey sweatshirt with it from hem to neck, and sleeve to sleeve. The smell fills my nose as I do and once I am done, I slip it on over my body and throw on a pair of my boxers before climbing back into bed. </p><p> </p><p>This wasn’t anywhere near as close to billowy that Elio had when Oliver left him but I thought, if Timmy had something close to his own billowy then it would help him sleep. So I made sure to cover the hoodie in my entire scent, this is something I did for my children when I was on the road a lot filming. So that I would always be there with them, and when they would miss me, my scent is what helped them cope. </p><p> </p><p>I read somewhere that the smell of a specific scent often helps trigger memories so it was worth a shot. </p><p>Once I got it good and scented up I directed Timmy to sit up and I slipped the hoodie over his head, helping him into it. <br/>“What’s this for?” </p><p> </p><p>“It’s for you. I want you to have it for when you feel lonely or afraid, or when you miss me. If I have to be away from you then you have me with you. Without me actually physically with you, consider it as your very own billowy, Oliver gave Elio his shirt when he was leaving Italy so that he would have something to remember him by. Now you have your own billowy to keep for yourself.” </p><p> </p><p>In that instant he lunges at me throwing his arms around my neck he gives me a hug. “Thank you, Armie. I don’t know what I would do without you.” </p><p> </p><p>“You can thank me later, when you have had a full rest Chalamet. I don’t want you becoming cranky or something and trying to kill me later. Now, close your eyes and go back to sleep.” </p><p> </p><p>He gives me a half worried, half skeptical look and I rub up and down his back, moving my fingers in gentle yet soothing circles, watching his face as he lays back down on the pillows. I move with him until we are facing each other but my hand never stops moving or leaves the softness of the fabric. </p><p> </p><p>I don’t stop until he is finally asleep and then I move myself out of the bed, pulling up the blankets around him surrounding him in comfort. Then I go about putting on the rest of my clothes as quiet as I can without waking him up, the soft snores filling the room. </p><p> </p><p>I walk out of the room, fully dressed and shut the door quietly. My sister is sitting on the futon watching Law and Order svu. I sit down beside her and she places her feet in my lap. “Do you ever sleep? You two fuck like bunnys.”  she jokes and I chuckle but my chuckle quickly dissolves in the air. “We aren’t that bad.” I say playing along nudging her with my shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>“ Is he going to be okay?” I hear her ask and I know she is still worried from last night. I hadn’t told her what happened and now was the right time to tell her, I had kept her in the dark most of the time until I made sure that Timmy was safe with me. “He looked terrible when you came back.”</p><p> </p><p>“Did you know that Zack was going to bring drugs?”</p><p> </p><p>“No. He only told me that he was going to bring weed and that was it why? Armie what happened at Zack’s? more importantly what happened to your face!” </p><p> </p><p>“I got into a fight with Zack, you think this is bad you should have seen him.” I wasn’t trying to gloat about beating my friend up, not at all. “He fed Timothee ecstasy, Liv he was high last night. We ended up getting into an argument and he ran away from me, Kimberly and I went to search for him…”</p><p> </p><p>“Where was he?” she takes my hand in her own and waits patiently for me to calm then I continue. </p><p> </p><p>“I found him down by neals where the watering hole is, he was down by the large tree and the giant rock that we climbed and dad took that picture of us when we were 5, and 6. He was dirty, almost completely naked except for his shoes and when he saw me…. Liv, he was happy but it wasn’t him at the same time. Now he is hurting and I feel helpless, I have to watch him come down from this and I know that the moment he comes to himself….” I trail off I can’t even bring myself to say it. </p><p> </p><p>“You think he is going to hate you, blame you for all this and never speak to you again. Arms… that is not going to happen. Yeah, he may be pissed off at you for a little bit but he will forgive you. As you said he was not himself so he is going to have a hard time with what happened to him. Zack has a bad habit of making stupid decision when he is drunk you know that, we all do. I’m not taking his side or saying what I think he did was just a mistake and he should be forgiven. No, he is lucky i wasn’t there the whole time, otherwise i would have killed him myself. The dumbass! Why I ever dated him in high school is beyond me.”</p><p> </p><p>I sigh resting my head back against the couch and stare up at the ceiling. “He likes you, Armie likes you, obsessively likes you. But it is not that borderline creepy where the guy stalks you to death, and in the end murders you like some insane yandere fan girl. We talked, while you were asleep, and I would be lying if I said this boy isn’t right for you. He is intelligent, funny and I have never heard a kid his age speak about a french love novel like it was something out of a Shakespeare play!”</p><p> </p><p>“ he isn’t a kid.” </p><p> </p><p>“So! if I could find a man like that! Oh I would be…. Can I keep him?! Please, if you don’t keep him Armie I am going to steal him from you big brother and I will not be sorry.” she says bluntly, nudging me with her foot. </p><p> </p><p>“Let me just see where this goes first huh?” I wrap my arms around my sister and rest my ear where her heart is starting to dread what I was going to do. </p><p> </p><p>******</p><p>As I stand outside of the Chalamet residence I wipe my sweaty palms on my shorts for the fourth time, as I attempt to knock on their door with a shaky hand. But before my hand even connects to the wood, Carol has the door open and it is accompanied by a scowl and her arms are crossed over her chest. </p><p> </p><p>She looks like a pissed off cleaning lady with her yellow bandanna in her hair, faded jeans, and grey t-shirt, with her white converse on. </p><p> </p><p>I don’t say a word as she stands there waiting for me to explain to her why it is I am standing on her front porch. </p><p> </p><p>“Armie you have a lot of explaining to do and you better do it while you have the time. Because right now, I am three seconds away from tearing your head off and seriously telling you to never come back here so make it good.” </p><p> </p><p>“Look Carol… I had no idea that Zack was going to bring ecstasy to that party he was having. I also had no intention of leaving Timmy on his own there but we got into an argument and I am so sorry. I had no ill intentions towards you son at all. But I know that you are very pissed at me right now, so I may just… get this out right now, um…. I- Timmy is safe with me. He is at our cabin asleep, he is safe-”</p><p> </p><p>Carol’s jaw clenches. “Safe? You call going to a party where there was drugs involved safe! Armie, you do realize that both of you doing drugs is very dangerous for your health? not to mention your mind, honey you are a wonderful human being and I care about you a lot as if you were my own. The thought of you hurting yourself kills me Armand and I know you can take care of yourself but I still worry. Don’t ever do this again do you understand me? Come inside and tell me the whole story from the beginning.” </p><p>********* </p><p>Timmy</p><p>“Get off me! Get off! Armie! Olivia! Armie!!!!”  I struggle to move with all the hands that are all touching me, their faces blurry and unrecognizable, they are way too close to me. I can’t breath, my body wobbles to their movements, the music. That music i’ve heard it before… </p><p> </p><p>I can feel you<br/>Tossing through my veins<br/>Caressing my bones<br/>Alone in the pain</p><p> </p><p>“Forget about him Timmy just let yourself go. Give into the feeling and you won’t ever need to think about him again. You're going to stay here and party with us forever.”</p><p> </p><p>“Timmy it’s okay! You’re okay! It was just a dream hun. It’s alright.” <br/>I cling to the body in front of me for dear life, my hands trying their best to hold onto its softness, the scent of oranges comes to my nose and I burst into tears. When my brain realizes who it is that is hugging me close and kissing my sweaty hair, with my half naked body in her lap. </p><p> </p><p>Carol. My mind knows exactly who has me but my mouth doesn’t say “Carol” as I would want it to instead I end up saying, </p><p> </p><p>“M..momma.”  which shocks me, I just called Carol momma! I have never called her momma even thought that is who she is and who she will always be to me. My heart knows this but my brain won’t stop saying “Carol” </p><p> </p><p>“I’m here Timmy. Just take deep breaths and calm down for me okay. Armie hand me his pants and then go to find his shoes and his socks for me please.” her instructions are stern, as she helps me get to my feet and helps me get dressed into my bottoms.”</p><p> </p><p>I sniffle feeling embarrassed by my actions and my appearance that I apologize then when I look up Armie is standing right there, up against the wall. His expression pained and saddened for a moment, then I noticed he had my pants in his hands.</p><p> </p><p>“What is going on?”   </p><p> </p><p>“You are coming home with me. Timmy I think it is for the best that you stay home with us, you need to be looked after and Armie and Olivia can’t do that anymore. So you need to gather your things and bring them out to the car please.”</p><p> </p><p>‘ leaving? Look after me? Armie and Olivia do take care of me. I don’t understand.’</p><p> </p><p>I feel sluggish and my head hurts from crying, I’m still feeling tired even though I slept for most of the day. </p><p> </p><p>“But… I don’t-”</p><p> </p><p>“I will let you say your goodbyes and I’ll be in the car.”  I slowly sit down on the bed and watch Carol leave the room giving Armie a look that I can’t quite explain. I am so confused. I thought she liked Armie. What happened?</p><p> </p><p>“Armie, what is going on? What did you do?!” </p><p> </p><p>“Timmy I had a talk with Carol about what happened and I agree with her that you should stay on your own side of the road for a while. It is clear that.. she can give you more of the help that you need than I can. She knows more about your disability than I do and I don’t want to be the cause of you hurting yourself. Last night was a wake up call to me Timmy, you could have died last night and that was my fault, no I didn’t put that pill in your hand but leaving you at that party, knowing what Zack is like… was a huge mistake and I-”</p><p> </p><p>“Was this because of what we did last night? If it was I am sorry!” </p><p> </p><p>I hear him sigh a soft defeated chuckle and he shakes his head, bending down to my level he places his hands on my thighs, looking me in the eyes his own a deep pool of blue grey. I found out that they turn color based on his mood which I found cute but right now, he seemed troubled by whatever he and Carol talked about this morning while I was passed out engulfed in Armie’s scent haven. </p><p> </p><p>“It isn’t about that Timmy. It has nothing to do with sex, this has everything to do with a mistake that I made a long time ago. That almost happened again, to a person I care about due to my own stubbornness and I am not willing to put you through something like this again. So you are going home with Carol.” </p><p> </p><p>My bottom lip quivers and I suddenly feel like my world is crashing down around me, I raise my hand and put it on top of his head, letting my fingers touch the locks, lightly brushing over them. I watch his eyes close for a second, he looks tired almost as tired as I do.</p><p> </p><p>“Does this mean we can never see each other again?” I ask, dropping my hand and it lands in my lap, he opens his eyes again.</p><p> </p><p>“I wouldn’t say never of course we will see each other in passing when I go running in the mornings but… from now on Timmy, you won’t be allowed to stay over here with me. Anymore. We will still be friends and always will be but you need-”</p><p> </p><p>“I need you! God! I am so fucking tired of this bullshit! It is my life and my decision on what I do with my life! Not yours or anyone else not Mark, not Mindy, Not Carol! You got that and if you can’t handle that then maybe I need to move away on my own to fucking prove it!”</p><p> </p><p>“Timmy…. They-” </p><p>“They what Armie? Want what’s best for me?”  I laugh incredulously standing up way too quickly but I help myself into my stance and Armie stands up backing up as I look up at him. My hands shoved down in the pocket of my jeans as I stood my ground.</p><p> </p><p>“You know... I find it funny, how everyone who doesn’t have my disability seems to think they all know what’s best for my body all but me. Hmm now isn’t that interesting and I never thought in a million years that you would ever be one of those people Armie. Never because let me tell you something, every time I have ever heard that phrase of words you know what happened?”</p><p> </p><p>Armie just looks at me, not saying a word. I assume he is waiting for me to continue with my rant that I am having at this moment. But I don’t give two fucks what he thinks right now, I am tired, hurting in more ways than one and I am sick of it. </p><p> </p><p>“I ended up getting beaten by my foster families and neglected by those who were supposed to care about me. Now, here I am about to be beaten again but in a different way and I am tired of being beaten, Armie I am done with all of it. I am done not being able to have a life and being looked after 24/7 by people who have good intentions but use them in the worst of times. So if you don’t want to be my friend anymore then just fucking say “hey Timmy I don’t want to be friends anymore! Instead of drawing out the inevitable because you think I won’t be able to handle the pain. I’ve dealt with pain my entire existence so… what’s a little more gonna do kill me? You know what? Whatever, I’m out of here, peace!”</p><p> </p><p>And without another word or even saying goodbye to anyone else I walk out of the room past the others and hit the front door, I don’t get into the car with Carol and I don’t listen to her when she calls out my name, I just keep walking past the cabins and out the gate onto the road, then I keep going having no idea where I am heading.  All I knew was that I didn’t want to be around anyone right now.</p><p> </p><p>It wasn’t fair that I got punished for something that I wanted to do! And what made it worse was Armie got in trouble for letting me do what I wanted to do. Why do I have to be such a goddamn burden to everyone around me. Why can’t I just have a normal fucking life!</p><p> </p><p>I kick the road and nearly lose my balance by then I feel hands steady me and when I look up it was Mark. </p><p> </p><p>“Timmy what are you doing on the-”</p><p>“I am not going back to the house.” I murmured defiantly jerking away from his grasp, slowly turning around. “I didn’t do anything wrong, Armie didn’t give me the drugs someone else did! If it wasn’t for Armie and Kimberly rescuing me when I ran away then, I could be dead in the river or sick in the hospital.” <br/>“Son I know. I am not here to hound on your about you decisions to party. Quite frankly, you are indeed a grown ass man who can make your own decisions. I know you are and you know you are. It's just sometimes Carol has trouble seeing past your disability, sometimes she can’t see past the fact that you have cerebral palsy and an adult. That is mainly because she works in a field that deals with children with your disability Timmy and what she sees in them everyday she can see it in you too. The struggle and as a mother she just wants to protect you it is in her nature so cut her a little bit of slack hm?”</p><p> </p><p>I feel Mark touch the top of my head and like a house of cards I crumble and hug him the best I can and when I accidentally hit his back with my hand. He just chuckles, hugging me tighter I feel my heart swell up a little and it's big to ache. I can say all the bad things I want about my situation and even hate myself but one thing I can say about Mark is that he just knows. Even when I don’t understand it myself he just knows. </p><p> </p><p>“I don’t want to stop hanging out with Armie and Olivia, dad. I like them. They are my friends, possibly the only friends that I have here.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well who said you had to?” he pulls back looking at me with genuine surprise. </p><p> </p><p>“Carol says that she wants me to stay home with you guys.”  </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah no. that is not going to happen Timothee. I love Carol to death, but you are grown and don’t need anyone's permission to go where you want as long as you tell us where you are going and when you will be back or not is all that matters to me. I will talk to her and see if we can come to some kind of compromise or at least an agreement that still allows you to see Armie and Olivia.” </p><p> </p><p>Mark and I walk back to the house together and once inside I don’t look at Carol as I head up to my room. Slamming the door behind me, I drop onto my bed on my back and stare up at the ceiling as a wave of anger and sadness fill my chest. </p><p> </p><p>I felt like I was being punished for something out of my control and Armie as well, he didn’t put that drug in my hand Zack did. The only thing he is guilty of is leaving me alone after our fight. Everything else is my fault and I have owned up to that. </p><p> </p><p>I hear a knock on my door and when I turn my head towards the door. I see Mindy standing there, in the doorway with a plate of small pb&amp;J squares. </p><p>“What do you want?”  I mutter. <br/>“Can I come in?” Her voice is soft which isn’t like her at all, she is normally very loud and obnoxious when she talks to me. </p><p> </p><p>“I guess…”  I roll over to my side as she comes into the room and shuts the door, brings herself and the plate over to the bed, sitting down with the plate in her lap. </p><p> </p><p>“I heard about what happened at Olivia’s, Timmy I’m sorry.” </p><p> </p><p>I scoff at her. “And since when do you start caring about what happens to me. Mindy, you got exactly what you wanted, you got your friends back, your precious Armie back. So you shouldn’t be here, you should be out there hanging out with them laughing and smiling just so you can rub it in my face again. About how I don’t have any friends, and how I can never go out to another party again, everything you ever wanted you got it Mindy. All thanks to your adopted brother being the “miracle kid”  </p><p> </p><p>“Yes I know that Timmy but what happened to you was wrong. I feel partially responsible for what happened to you that night, I wasn’t there for you and Zack shouldn’t have even offered… I was the one that told him to give you the drugs.” </p><p> </p><p>“You did what?!” I roll over then and look her dead in the eyes, my lips in a straight line as I narrow my eyebrows.</p><p> </p><p>“The night of the party I didn’t want you to come with us. I was severely jealous of you Timmy, everyone loves you and you get all the attention just because of your disability. That I sort of… disappear in the background and no one gives me a second thought, so I wanted to teach you a lesson and get back at you for stealing my friends, my family everything. I told Zack to give you the ecstasy, I knew you had never taken the drugs before but Timmy, I swear to god I had no idea that that drug could kill you! So when Armie came back to the party and was furious and I saw him beat the shit out of Zack and heard that you could have had a seizure I felt sick to my stomach and ran into the bathroom, stayed up there for hours and freaked out when the cops showed up at the house. I was so worried that I was going to go to jail….I am so fucking sorry Timmy. I’m…… can you forgive me?” </p><p> </p><p>I couldn’t believe my ears at all my brain couldn’t even comprehend what Mindy just said but I felt the wave of nausea hit me quickly and before I could stop it or get off the bed fast enough. I threw up on my covers, causing Mindy to jump back off the bed and gasp nearly dropping the sandwiches. </p><p> </p><p>“Timmy are you okay?!!!!!” </p><p> </p><p>“Get out,” I replied in a heave, the tears coming to my eyes. “I never want to see your face again. Mindy Chalamet, you are a fucked up human being! You could have nearly killed me! I lost my memory, I am in fucking pain and all because you were jealous of me! That is not only fucked up but that is….. GET OUT! Stay way from me and you better fucking tell Mark and Carol what you just told me or I fucking will!” </p><p> </p><p>“What is going in here Timmy why are you shouting?! Mark stops suddenly and sees the mess on the bed and I glare at Mindy as I let Mark help me, Carol comes up soon after to see what I was screaming about and instantly goes to bed to change the sheets. </p><p> </p><p>“Tell them Mindy or I will.”  I growl as Mindy looks like a deer in the headlights when her parents look at her with concern.</p><p> </p><p>She sets the plate down on my desk and she chews on her lip, as she stares between the three of us. </p><p> </p><p>“Mom… dad, there is something that I need to tell you.” </p><p> </p><p>*******</p><p>Armie </p><p> </p><p>After Timmy left I wanted to kick myself for having to tell him that we couldn’t hang out together. I was hurt but I couldn’t let myself deal with that right now. I needed to concentrate on the stranger that just came out of the bathroom and who was eyeballing my sister as she was hanging clothes on the line. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey man, how are you feeling?” </p><p>The guy jumps at the sound of my voice and when he turns around I’m surprised by the fact that I know this guy. He used to be my family's pool boy but he wouldn’t keep his hands to himself, and tried to make the moves on my sister when he was just 15 years old with raging hormones and just entering high school.</p><p>“Still making goo goo eyes at my sister eh, Joshua.”  I purposefully clap him on the shoulder and he jumps becoming startled, moving back away from me. His hands going up in defense, as he goes into a fighting stance, until he realizes it’s me and he finally speaks. </p><p> </p><p>“Goddammit! Hammer you ass, don’t you know it is rude to sneak up on people. What if I had a heart attack from all the times you use to scare the shit out of me. Then you would be charged with murder and be put in-”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh stop being so fucking dramatic Joshua, and I wouldn’t have always been on your case if you would have stop being a damn peeping tom around my sister. Then I wouldn’t have had to beat your ass.”  </p><p> </p><p>A wide grin spreading over my mouth almost sly like and I see Joshua blush a deep red, trying to figure out what to say next. </p><p> </p><p>“Armie you can’t- I… fuck! You can’t blame me man your sister is fucking hot!” </p><p> </p><p>I pinch the bridge of my nose and close my eyes cringing. “And I am going to pretend that I just didn’t hear you say that and you are going to leave this fucking cabin.”</p><p> </p><p>Without hesitation I walk Joshua out of the cabin rolling my eyes as I push him out the front door and shut it. I walk back over to the futon and crash onto it with a heavy sigh, this morning has turned out to be one of the more shitter ones that I have ever had since I’ve been here. Between Timmy and Zack I don’t think I could deal with anymore drama or stress, I came here to get away from the stress not add to it. So I say fuck it and get up heading to my room, I lay down on the bed pulling Timmy’s pillow to my chest snuggling into it, I breath in the scent of him and go right to sleep quietly wondering </p><p> </p><p>‘What is going to happen to us now?’</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for Reading! &lt;3</p>
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<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Armie’s Secret</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“Liv! Liv! I… fuck! I need you! Liv please! Hurry!”  I yell as I lay on the ground, my clothes covered in leaves, dirt, sticks, at the bottom of the hill thankfully close to the cabin. I can’t believe this has happened again! It’s been years since I’ve had this happen to me and I fucking stretched! The feeling of it is unmistakable and I could feel it coming the moment I felt the damn floating feeling in my fucking muscles. </p><p>‘Fuck this stupid legs! Why? Why? Why?! I’m so tired of it! So fucking tired.’</p><p> </p><p>“Armie?!!! Are you okay?”  Timmy’s voice breaks through my negative thoughts and try to get up. I don’t want him to see me like this. I don’t want him to know, he can’t know. He won’t look at me the same way if he knew. </p><p>I suck in a breath. “I’m fine Timmy don’t come down here! Just go get Olivia for me please.”  I try to keep my voice calm. </p><p> </p><p>‘ get the hell up man you don’t need help from no one! You got yourself into this now you get yourself out.’</p>
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    <p>Timmy </p><p> </p><p>After Mindy explained what she had done, Mark and Carol were so livid beyond words, I had never seen Mark, cuss at his own daughter before. Carol stayed quiet for the most of this I guess, because she couldn’t find the words to express how she was feeling. </p><p> </p><p>“What! No daddy where am I going to go! You can’t do that!” Mindy complained with blurred eyes, the tears running down her face leaving mascara streaks on her cheeks. </p><p> </p><p>“I don’t give a fuck where you go, what you do Mindy Chalamet you can go live with your grandmother for all I care! But you will never set foot in my house again! What you did was absolutely- get out of my sight until we can make arrangements for you to leave.” </p><p> </p><p>I don’t say a word as I sit in my chair watching Carol move around my room, now giving herself the task of pulling my sheets off the bed and changing them out for me. While I decide to leave the room and change, wash my mouth out with a lot of water, cuz that shit is just nasty! </p><p> </p><p>Once my sheets are clean and everyone leaves my room, I grab a sandwich from the plate that Mindy left after she storms out of my room. I take the rest with me and settle into my bed, eating a few more before a yawn over takes me and I lay in my bed thinking about Armie. </p><p> </p><p>I think about what happened in his bedroom and I smile to myself drumming my fingers on my stomach. </p><p> </p><p>*One hour later *</p><p> </p><p>When I am fully rested and wide awake, Carol and Mark both told me that they had talked about the situation that happened with the drugs. They both agreed that Mindy would be leaving this house and going to go live with her grandmother in Mississippi, but also agreed that it shouldn’t be fair for her to get punished and not have me punished for not going with Armie. </p><p> </p><p>“So Timmy here is the deal, you can still hangout with Armie and Olivia however, you are not allowed to go to anymore parties where there are drugs involved. Also, stay away from Zack no ands, ifs, buts, or complaining, is that understood?” </p><p> </p><p>I nod my head yes. </p><p> </p><p>“And please no more running at night time. You did scare us to death son so please tell Armie no more night time runs. Okay? Does that sound fair? Oh and one more thing, Timmy…”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes?”</p><p> </p><p>Mark tosses a pair of keys at me and winks. It was my very own keys to the house, a sign of adulthood yet, they understood that I was an adult and should be treated as such. I do realize that I had broken their trust and would need to earn it back. </p><p> </p><p>“From now on you come home when you want to. But the rest of the rules apply.” </p><p> </p><p>I nod again then head for the door, Mindy nowhere to be found so I assume that she was out going for a walk after the verbal beating she took from Mark earlier. </p><p> </p><p>So I happily stop at the end of our driveway looking across the street, before my legs take off  straight for Armie, his sister and KImberly who are sitting around the picnic table. They seem to be in an intense game of some kind, </p><p>“Hey Timmy how are you feeling? You left the cabin so fast you seemed upset.”  </p><p> </p><p>Kimberly pats the bench beside her, as I walk over and place myself next to her, she puts her arm around my shoulders. </p><p> </p><p>"Yeah, I found out Mindy was the one that gave Zack the drugs to give to me. So Carol said that she will be going to her grandmothers for the rest of the summer.</p><p> </p><p>"Wow! Now that is definitely surprising I never thought she would be so cruel. She always seemed like a cool girl. It's your go Armie." </p><p> </p><p>She slaps a few cards on the table. Then I see him pick up his own desk and look at his cards. </p><p> </p><p>"So… what happened to you? Did you get in trouble?" </p><p>Armie asks as I watch him furrow his brow in concentration, his tongue peeking out from between his lips as he makes his next play. </p><p> </p><p>"Mark and Carol made it clear that I can hang out here with you guys. Come home when I want. But I can't go to anymore parties for the rest of the summer if ever. Which is fine with me I think I've had enough parties to last me a lifetime." </p><p> </p><p>I spend most of my time watching them play cards until they get bored and everyone decides to have what Kimberly called "a cool people party" which I basically consisted of us playing games like volleyball, blasting the music as loud as we can and dance around like we were a bunch of drunk idiots it was fun! </p><p> </p><p>But within a few hours later all of that changed with just a blink of an eye. </p><p>*******</p><p>Armie</p><p> </p><p>“Liv! Liv! I… fuck! I need you! Liv please! Hurry!”  I yell as I lay on the ground, my clothes covered in leaves, dirt, sticks, at the bottom of the hill thankfully close to the cabin. I can’t believe this has happened again! It’s been years since I’ve had this happen to me and I fucking stretched! The feeling of it is unmistakable and I could feel it coming the moment I felt the damn floating feeling in my fucking muscles. </p><p> </p><p>‘Fuck this stupid legs! Why? Why? Why?! I’m so tired of it! So fucking tired.’</p><p> </p><p>“Armie?!!! Are you okay?” Timmy’s voice breaks through my negative thoughts and I try to get up. I don’t want him to see me like this. I don’t want him to know, he can’t know. He won’t look at me the same way if he knew. </p><p> </p><p>I suck in a breath. “I’m fine Timmy don’t come down here! Just go get Olivia for me please.”  I try to keep my voice calm. </p><p> </p><p>‘ get the hell up man you don’t need help from no one! You got yourself into this now you get yourself out.’ </p><p>I turn my head to make sure that Timmy is gone and then I try to get up on my own. I place my hands on the ground and roll over onto my stomach, in a push up position and proceed to move my legs, the damn searing pain hits me and I cry out, my muscles spasm but I keep pushing myself. I army crawl or attempt to up the hill only getting about part of the way there before I hear my sister’s voice. <br/>“Armie!” I see her come running down the hill in a skipping like motion and slide down next to me and see the look of worry. She sits down on the ground next to me and in that next second, I find my head close to her chest, I can hear her heart beating through her shirt, as I cling onto her something in my chest breaks and I begin to break down, crying. </p><p> </p><p>“I don’t want this anymore Liv.” I say through mumbles, whimpers, and hiccups, trying once again to move my legs. “I’m tired of the pain. Why did this have to happen to me! So fucking painful. Why Liv why?! Why did I have to be  born with fucked up legs! I hate them, I hate them, I hate them!”</p><p> </p><p>I say through gritted teeth, she lifts my head and looks at me with a frown, her eyes narrow, her voice is soft despite knowing that she probably wants to yell my head off. But she doesn’t instead she strokes my hair and says, </p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know if there is anything that I can say to make you feel better. But if there is one thing I do know, I am so glad you are here Armie and I am happy that you are my big brother, there is nothing in the world that would ever change that fucked up legs or not you are here. Do you realize that? You can talk bad about your legs all you want but there is nothing wrong with asking for help and there is nothing wrong with you. Now, you take a look up there and tell me what you see.”</p><p> </p><p>My eyes follow Olivia’s finger until I am staring directly at Timmy who stands there shaking, his eyes worried, scared probably, biting on his finger nails. He looks like he wants to come down here and ask what is going on but I don’t have the heart to tell him. </p><p> </p><p>“That boy up there is exactly like you and guess what bubba his legs are fucked up too but you know what? He doesn’t let that stop him, I mean… look at him he was playing with you and dancing with us earlier, you were chasing each other around the yard and not once did he complain about his legs hurting. When I know he has to be in serious pain, and look at you, laying here being stubborn when you are in pain and don’t want to ask for help.You are in tears Armie, I don’t like seeing you in pain or hurt. It kills me. It killed me as a kid and it still kills me now!  Maybe you need to take a lesson from Timmy in knowing how to ask for help and being okay with knowing that it’s okay to want help.” </p><p> </p><p>“Oh my god Armie!” </p><p> </p><p>‘ oh for the love of….’ not her Olivia please get rid of her!’</p><p> </p><p>I give Olivia a pleading look when Mindy comes and is about to run down the hill to my “aid” this girl needs to find a boy her own age and leave me the fuck alone. I like this girl but not in that way at all and right now I am not in the mood for flattery, or dramatics all I want is to get up and walk with my sister's help.<br/>I nuzzle her with my head, keeping her close to me I am so scared to move but at the same time. I need to move, I need to get my legs going again.  </p><p> </p><p>“Mindy go get your dad! Hurry up!” my sister yells at her and I whispers, “thank you.” to her and she giggles when she sees the relief on my tear stricken face. </p><p> </p><p>***</p><p>When Mark comes he helps Olivia get me up the hill slowly and as best they can with both of my arms over their shoulders, my feet dragging on the ground, I can’t help but feel like an inconvenience then with no way of helping them out they have to carry my big ass up this hill with no help from Timmy either. </p><p> </p><p>Once we make it up to the cabin and inside, Mark and Olivia help me lay down on the floor which of course doesn’t go without a string of yells and curses the minute my legs are bending. The burning coming up through my legs as the muscles spasm again, loosening and tightening up again and again. </p><p> </p><p>I see Timmy wince in pain, cringing as he slowly makes his way into the living room, over to me and slowly lowers himself to the carpet. Olivia stays at my feet, and Mark gives her a nod once he knows that she has got it from there and tells TImmy that he will see him later. </p><p> </p><p>“Timmy, would you mind keeping him distracted for me?” </p><p> </p><p>“Sure. what do you want me to do?”  </p><p> </p><p>"Just talk to him. Keep him calm for me, he is not going to like this and he is going to probably scream so just a fair warning." </p><p> </p><p>I look at Olivia the second she touches my right leg, first and I shake my head rapidly. I whine and whisper "nonononono" feeling the warm tears well up. My mind knows this is going to hurt and the fear is very evident in my voice. </p><p> </p><p>“Don’t touch them! Don’t. Please, please, please,”  my voice is cracking with my soft pleas, she knows that I don’t want to do this, she doesn’t want to do this but we have no choice, it's either do this and feel better and walk or be in intense pain.</p><p>"Shhhh you're alright Arms. I'm going to make it better just lay there, talk to Timmy and relax for me okay." </p><p> </p><p>Timmy bites his lip and runs a hand through his curls then takes my hand in his own, pulling it into his lap. I feel his shakiness in his hand but he doesn't seem to notice as he just holds my hand and his other hand gently runs up and down my arm.</p><p> </p><p>Then my sister begins, she grips my bare foot and slowly starts to push it towards my chest, lighting goes through me and I groan, squeezing Timmy's hand, my eyes flicker up to see him staring at me with his hazel eyes, filled with concern.</p><p> </p><p>"I...I'm sorry you have to see me like this Timmy." </p><p> </p><p>"It's okay you've seen me and what happens with me. I guess it was my turn to see you. But Armie why didn't you tell me?" </p><p> </p><p>'shame guilt didn't want you to see different see me as a I don't know broken? Cripple?'</p><p>A gasp comes out and I squeeze his hand, when my leg is pushed into my chest again and Olivia once again lightly rubs my leg before putting it down comforting me. </p><p> </p><p>"We can talk about that la….ah! Olivia!" My voice cracks when my muscle spasms and Timmy lightly pets my hair. I lean into the touch, seeking his comfort, turning my face, into his thigh and he blushes slightly but continues to stroke my hair with the softest of touches.</p><p> </p><p>“I know, I’m sorry Arms but it's got to be done. It will be over before you know it.” </p><p> </p><p>She bends and stretches my legs slowly back and forth, back and forth. Tourture absolute tourture. That is what this is. </p><p> </p><p>Little by little my legs feel better, things aren't so tight anymore but I don't try to get up. I just lay there my tears having dried on my face and I let out the breath that has been stuck in my lungs. </p><p> </p><p>"How are you feeling bubba?"  </p><p> </p><p>"Thirsty. Thank you Liv I know this can't be easy for you to watch or do, let alone hear me crying and screaming like a baby." </p><p>"Hey I'm your sister it's my job to take care of you. Otherwise you would have to be taken care of by mom and dad and you know how they are." </p><p> </p><p>She pats my chest and goes to the kitchen to get me a glass of water and I turn my attention to Timmy, who is still holding on to my hand. </p><p> </p><p>"You okay?" </p><p> </p><p>“On a scale of 1 to 10 my legs are slightly not on fire anymore but I am more worried about your hand. Seeing as I could have possibly broken it with the whole “pregnant lady” grip. I really didn’t mean to squeeze your hand that hard man.”</p><p> </p><p>“Nah it’s okay. I would rather get my hand broken by you than see you go through that again. Armie what in the hell was that?” </p><p> </p><p>I open my mouth to say something but I just end up closing my mouth anyway as my sister comes back with a glass of water. </p><p> </p><p>Letting go of Timmy’s hand I place my hands on the floor and push myself up into a sitting position, holding my breath hoping that I don’t move my legs in the process. Even though Olivia has helped me stretch my legs, I still don’t trust myself to try and get up just yet. </p><p> </p><p>I drink half of the glass down and hand it back to her. “Thanks Liv.” </p><p> </p><p>She sets it down on the kitchen table then turns to me again, with a gentle look in her eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you going to be okay while I head three cabins over with Kimberly to play texas holdem for a while. I promised the others that I would play and I kinda have a bet going with her that she can’t beat me. So I was going to see if-”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll stay here with Armie. Mark and Carol are going on a date tonight and Mindy is probably going to want to go with you guys over there. Since she will only be here for god knows how long...So I thought that maybe if it was okay with Armie and you I could stay here and hang out with him.” </p><p>Olivia chuckles as she ruffles Timmy’s curls with her hand. “You already know the answer to that question Tim. there is no need to ask anymore, if you wanna stay with my brother then just stay with my brother. “ </p><p>She hugs me gently and proceeds to tell me that If I need anything then just to have Timmy come and get her. Then she is off going out the front door and Timmy and I are finally alone. </p><p>********</p><p>Timmy </p><p>The air around us is awkward at best. Armie has gone quiet and so have I. I want to say something to get the conversation started but I don’t know how to, I don’t want to push him or make him feel uncomfortable or make him feel like he has to tell me what happened to him. </p><p> </p><p>“So you wanna watch tv? We could see if there is a Mike Tyson documentary that we can watch. Or if you don’t want to do that we could play a game or…” </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, lets- yeah okay.”   </p><p> </p><p>I watch Armie get up on his hands using his upper body strength. I watch him scoot himself back until his back is up against the futon, his legs still stretched out in front of him. His feet pointing towards the tv and I can’t help but have the image of his feet dragging on the ground, almost lifeless, paralyzed stuck in my mind. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey Timmy, could you grab the remote off the shelf it should be by the tv if not check the mantle. I would get myself but…” </p><p> </p><p>The look he gives is one of embarrassment and my heart aches in a way that I understand. I know this look, I have had it on my face more than once in my lifetime. </p><p> </p><p>I shake the feeling away and smile softly. “Sure, if there is anything else you want food or anything just tell me and I’ll get it for you. But um… would you mind helping me up on my feet.” </p><p> </p><p>He nods his head yes and holds out his hand for me to grab, when I take it he pulls me forward slowly, and I notice that he is paying attention to my legs. Then he looks into my eyes then looks away, something flashes across his face and I know exactly what he is thinking, he wants to know if he’s hurt me.</p><p> </p><p>“Armie you can relax I’ve gotten to my feet many times, I know it looks like it hurts but I promise… I am okay. Really, Brian is good at what he does and little by little I am able to do this on my own but I do still need help from time to time.” </p><p>I let go of his hand walking over to the tv and searched in the place he told me, sure enough it is right where he said that it would be. Right by the tv, I pick it up with my left hand and with my right hand, I hold my left wrist steadying my movement as I shake, while trying to turn the tv on. </p><p> </p><p>This is something Carol taught me to do when I first came to live with them. She said that if I held onto my wrist while picking something up I could gain more control over my shaking, when it wasn’t time to take my medicine. It took me multiple tries to get it right any time I would try to hold my wrist while holding something else, I often threw it instead. </p><p> </p><p>“Let me know when you see something good.”   </p><p> </p><p>I begin to flip through the channels one by one going through each channel until Armie says stop and the channel lands on Batman Forever. My eyes light up at the movie, and I bring the remote with me heading back over to the man sitting on the floor. </p><p> </p><p>“Like batman huh?” Armie chuckles seeing the look in my eyes as I sit down next to him mirroring his position on the floor putting my legs out. </p><p> </p><p>“Are you kidding me! I happen to be a Batman fanatic ever since I was a child, I used to run around with a towel wrapped around my neck pretending to be Batman and saving all of the innocent people from the joker, the penguin and all of the bad guys. I was kicking ass back then. What about you?” </p><p> </p><p>“Oh yeah, I can’t tell you how many times me and Olivia played batman and robin all the time. Except she wanted to be Batman, I wanted to be Robin and our next door neighbor his name was Christopher, a cute little boy with silver caps on his teeth. He always wanted to be batgirl and it would always make me laugh but he was the best batgirl ever and he didn’t really care that he was a boy wanting to be a girl character. In fact, most of the time any characters that Olivia and I were he would always find another character that was a girl to play as.</p><p> </p><p>“Really?! Oh my god dude that is fucking cool. I never met anyone in my life that wanted to be batgirl. That was a boy usually kids fight over being the male characters. Well, from my experience anyway, but that’s really neat that you had a friend like that. I never had someone who wanted to do that with me.” </p><p> </p><p>I wrap my arms around my middle keeping my eyes on the screen watching two faces rip the bank vault out of the wall and make the getaway in his helicopter. </p><p> </p><p>“You never had a batgirl or a robin?” </p><p> </p><p>I shake my head and turn to look at him, I could feel the sadness sweeping over me. “Never. No one wanted to play with me as a kid because of… well look at me. I’m not exactly the ideal playmate for most people.” </p><p> </p><p>Armie nudges my foot with his own, making me smile a little at the gesture of kindness.</p><p> </p><p>“If we would have met as kids, I would have played with you Timmy and I would have most definitely been your Robin if you would have asked me to. Though I'm pretty sure you and Olivia would have been fighting over who was gonna be batman.” </p><p> </p><p>I start laughing at the very thought of Olivia, Armie and I as children playing together and I feel slightly better as the old memories are chased away by the fantasy. </p><p> </p><p>“You know, when I was Robin I had always thought that I was invincible, running around in my cape, defeating bad guys left and right. Rarely ever getting hurt, it's one of the reasons I became an actor getting to play all these really interesting characters, losing myself in them, embodying them. I thought I was invincible in real life but then reality kinda smacked me one day and I realized….</p><p> </p><p>There is a melancholy tone to his voice, it’s  and he quietly gestures to his legs and I give him an understanding look, tentatively I reach out and touch his shoulder. </p><p> </p><p> “That Robin is just as human as you are and people do get hurt in more ways than one? And that happened the moment you found out you had cp. Only to realize that your entire life was going to be a lot harder than you imagined it would be and that you are different in ways that no one else would understand. People would see you in a different light, that they wouldn’t think of you as Robin anymore but more like the penguin.”</p><p> </p><p>Surprisingly Armie lets out a wheezing laugh. “You really do love batman don’t you? God, I love the way you explain things Timmy. You put them in a way that is straight to the point and not drug out like most people do with me. You are easy to understand and to help me understand things.” </p><p>“It’s because reality smacked me a lot faster than I had expected and I don’t see the world through rose colored glasses. Like most people, that's one of the reasons I love the villains in batman too. I mean take two face for example, this guy got burned on one side of this face and lives with a split mind, always having to decide fate with a flip of a coin. But that doesn’t stop him from trying to kill Batman, or rob banks or do petty crime shit and people think he is insane and dangerous.” <br/>“Come on Timmy they are bad guys. Some of them don’t have a conscience and if they do it shows up at the rarest of times.” </p><p> </p><p>“Name one.”  I challenge. No longer watching the movie but more so paying attention to our conversation, turning my body to face Armie giving him my full attention. </p><p> </p><p>“Catwoman.”  Armie replies with confidence. “Catwoman is a thief but when she meets Batman her world turns upside down, because she ends up kissing batman instead of trying to kill him. Their relationship becomes very complicated due to the fact that she is a villain who doesn’t feel like she can be redeemed and Bruce wants to help Selena turn good.” </p><p> </p><p>“Yes that is true but… she also ends up dead in the movie so… I guess you have a point there. So that’s one. But that is not the point, the point is Armie if people understood the villains. If the people of Gotham took the time to actually get to know the people underneath the facades-”</p><p> </p><p>“They would understand us more and not be scared of us, or point or stare or cause a lot of drama around things they don’t understand. Or shouldn’t I say be more ignorant to making us feel like shit and all the other stuff that comes with it.” </p><p> </p><p>A silence falls between us as we continue to watch the movie, out of the corner of my eye I see Armie shift on the floor, sitting further up, his feet pointing towards the ceiling. The hand that is closest to me, lays on the floor, turned palm up as if it was lying in wait for me to touch. </p><p> </p><p>“Legs still bothering you?”  I ask turning away from the movie again, my hand jerks and accidentally hits his hand in a tiny smack. “Sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>I hear him take a breath and then out of the blue I hear. “Timmy I have spastic cerebral palsy.”  he gauges my reaction closely as if he is waiting for me to what? Run? Scream? It’s hard to tell but I can see how nervous he is after confessing that. </p><p> </p><p>Nodding softly I look him in the eyes and notice that the azure has turned slightly grey like the clouds during a massive rain storm. They hold so many different emotions I can’t keep track of all of them but I know that the most dominant feeling right now is fear.</p><p> </p><p>“Take your time. As long as you need Armie, I’m here.”  </p><p> </p><p>“What happened to…. God Tim I didn’t want you to see me like that. It’s embarrassing, humiliating, scary, uncontrollable.”</p><p> </p><p>He puts his hands over his face and rubs them downwards letting them drop to his lap, then glances at me so full of self loathing. His breath becomes uneven and I see him swallow, he is getting frustrated and I don’t blame him. It is very hard to talk about something like this without feeling like you are confessing a huge secret. That once you tell it makes you feel either one or two ways, grateful that you did or worse that you had and now you feel bad about yourself. Not everyone feels this way of course but this is something that I am starting to realize is what we have in common, not just the fact that we both have cp but our feelings towards the disability are the same. </p><p> </p><p>“What does it feel like?”  It comes out in a whisper and I take the chance of running my pinkie, over his on his right hand in a slight motion of comfort. </p><p> </p><p>His eyes seem lost then but the movement of my finger doesn’t stop until he steals it from me hooking them together, along with my ring finger.</p><p> </p><p>“Imagine your muscles being so loose that it feels like you're floating and then all of the sudden someone snaps their fingers and the next thing you feel is the most intense burning sensation, as someone took that fire poker over and stuck it into a fire. Then shoves it directly into your leg and while that happens…. Timmy in that moment, I feel what it is like to be Charlie. I can feel such intense pain, that I want- most times I just want to…”</p><p> </p><p>I take his hand in mine lacing our fingers together and squeeze his hand with mine before it jerks, making both of our hands move together. </p><p> </p><p>“It’s okay. I understand, Arms not all of us can be “normal” or what society would deem normal anyway. We have something that a lot of people don’t understand but you know what, fuck being normal. We can be our own batman and robin fighting the forces of society one step at a time.”</p><p> </p><p>Armie snorts out a laugh, ruffling my curls causing me to flush. “Oh you think so huh? So tell me if that is true who would who be? Hmm…” he smirks at me, his mood lighting up considerably. </p><p>“Well that's an obvious one. You can be Robin, I can be Batman, your sister is just going to have to suck it up and be batgirl, for obvious reasons and Charlie can be alfred.” </p><p> </p><p>*********</p><p> </p><p>Armie </p><p>I don’t know when we moved from the floor to actually laying on the futon, with my right side pushed up against the wall, my left leg straight, my right bent so that my legs resembled a four. My head rested on my hand with one pillow behind me the other pillow was resting on my side, with Timmy’s head on it, his hand holding my untaken hand. His legs were bent as much as they could on the small furniture without hurting himself.</p><p> </p><p>We had watched a marathon of batman movies until it was over and then we settled on watching Transporter 3. Why? We decided to watch that movie. I have no idea but it wasn’t long before neither of us were paying too much attention to it. </p><p> </p><p>I caught Timmy staring at me out of the corner of my eye and I turned my head away from the tv to look back at him. His face was bathed in shadow and in light from the glow of the tv, in the dark room, his lip was caught between his teeth, he looked like he wanted to say something. </p><p> </p><p>“Something on your mind Timmy?”  I asked softly stroking a few strands playing with them watching them bounce back into place. </p><p> </p><p>He doesn’t say anything to me he slowly twists around to face me, moving the pillow out of the way, I watch him try to crawl over to me. I sit up staring at him with a look of confusion, until I realize he is trying to climb on top of me and I help him, by wrapping both of my arms around  his torso and pulling him closer taking extra care to keep his legs from hitting the metal bar that is underneath the futon. </p><p> </p><p>I settle him into my lap letting him sit sideways on me so his legs can stretch out and I wrap my arms around him again.</p><p> </p><p>"Thank you."  </p><p> </p><p>The weight of his body on mine feels nice. It's been so long since I've had someone lay next to me that wasn't my children. Not since my ex and god knows we will never be doing something like this again. </p><p> </p><p>"You're welcome."   </p><p> </p><p>We are staring at each other again and I feel my nerves shaking underneath my skin, my mouth is going dry. I lick my lips and I watch Timmy echo my gester licking his own.</p><p> </p><p>My eyes jump from the hazel of his eyes to the red tint of his lips and I just can't seem to look away. <br/>Neither of us can but the more I stare at him, the more I want…</p><p>Timmy boldly surges forward and he presses his lips to mine once and quickly pulls away, his eyes wide.</p><p> </p><p>I grin at him when he opens his mouth to say something, I grip him by the back of the neck gently and pull him forward until our foreheads are touching, our breath mingling, our eyes lost. My thumb touching the side of his neck, I lightly press into it and he swallows allowing me to feel the muscles move. </p><p> </p><p>"Timmy I swear to God if you say you're sorry for kissing me…"  I warn playfully.</p><p> </p><p>He giggles and this time I press my lips to his in a slow languid kiss, our lips slow dancing with each other but there is still hesitation on his part and mine. </p><p> </p><p>Why? What am I afraid of? That he won’t like it? Well, there is a possibility of that happening but that is with anyone. Am I afraid of getting caught? Hell no! That’s the fun part in my opinion: the thrill that my sister could come bursting into this very room any minute.</p><p> </p><p>I open my mouth and I am graced with the presence of his timid tongue touching mine and I feel him hit me with his hands. I want to pull him closer, draw him in and hold him closer to me but just like that the moment is broken when I hear Timmy curse under his breath.</p><p> </p><p>When we break apart his face falls, he pulls his hands into his hoodie, his curls fall in his face and I can feel him drifting away from me, and I just want to reach inside and take his hand in mine. </p><p> </p><p>"Timmy….” </p><p> </p><p>"I should go, it's getting late, and I'm… I ruin moments like this- I… when I get excited I end up. I should go before I mess this up." </p><p>“What are you talking about? You didn’t ruin anything, I just want to make sure you are okay, did I do something that you didn’t want? If I upset you Timmy I'm sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>“Armie. No you didn’t… it’s not you, it’s me like always.” </p><p> </p><p>I am so confused right now, that I don’t even know what the hell is going on and Timmy’s more or less cryptic behavior is making me more confused.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re going to have to elaborate for me Timmy. I am not a mind reader here and I can promise you, that you have done nothing wrong. Actually, I would say you were doing it all right heh, I just… help me understand what is going on in your head and then if you still want to go then I can take you home. But I would like you to talk to me first,”</p><p> </p><p>To be continued.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>One of the websites used in my research about Cerebral Palsy: https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/cp/facts.html</p>
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<p>Here is what is real and what is fiction: I do have to stretch everyday before I do running, jogging or anything like that, my mother did indeed have to bend me over and help my arms bend, stretch my fingers and toes so they wouldn't stay curled. I do have Spastic cerebral Palsy and it only affects my legs, I do have learning disabilities with things like getting am and pm mixed up some times, and counting money if its like dollars and cents thrown together.</p>
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<p>Fun fact: I was born premature and the doctor did tell my mother that my twin and I were not going to live so she may as well have given up on us. Thankfully she didn't because hello I am here and fabulously writing this story for all of you wonderful people! ^^</p>
<p>the rolly polly part is fiction I just added that in there because i thought it was cute. </p>
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<p>Thanks for reading! and if you would like another chapter please let me know! don't be afraid to comment or leave kudos! the edit that is at the start of the story is mine. =3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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